Named parent at school

(30 Posts)
MeOnScreen Thu 12-Sep-19 15:48:49

Hi all, was wondering if anyone had anything information.
My partner has one daughter from a previous relationship. My DPs relationship with his ex can be sometimes rocky, however he has always had a good relationship with his daughter. They share custody and have never had any authority or courts involved ect.
My DP is very concerned about how his DD is doing at school however his ex can be rather forgetful at sending him reports or even pictures of reports and how she's getting on ect. To make things easier my DP phoned the school to see if he could be sent a copy of any news, reports or as an emergency contact ect.
The school have refused to do this without written consent from DDs mother (fair enough). However for god knows what reason his ex is refusing to do this and when he's asked why she at first used the excuse that she forgot and now is saying she doesn't want to and can't be bothered.
Anyone know away round this, or any rights my DP may have?

OP’s posts: |
Windydaysuponus Thu 12-Sep-19 15:53:30

School are legally obliged to include him in any school correspondence as he has PR. Send them an email...

Tini17 Thu 12-Sep-19 17:20:12

If he has PR, which he obviously does, the school have to let him have the same info.
Firm email to Head and a nudge to governors may help?

FeelBetterForIt Thu 12-Sep-19 17:24:31

Yes, as PP says, I will if he has parental responsibility the school have to send him a copy if asked. The other parent doesn't need to give permission and therefore can't refuse it. If the child is over 12yo, they should be asked to give consent.

Myusername2015 Thu 12-Sep-19 17:27:19

As above if he has PR the school have no choice and most definitely don’t need permission from mother. Email them stating this; they may ask for proof of this such as birth certificate

lovemenorca Thu 12-Sep-19 17:36:53

If he has what you said then this I should very straightforward. He simply shows doc evidence of the arrangements in place.

lovemenorca Thu 12-Sep-19 17:42:22

I’m going to take a punt here

Is this child the daughter of your ex who you posted very recently about missing her desperately and desperately wanting to be a part of her life.

My gut tells me you’re wrapping this up as your current DP’s DD but actually it’s your ex’s and you want information


MeOnScreen Thu 12-Sep-19 22:01:46

Unfortunately he doesn't have the birth certificate, mother has that. However he does have bank statements showing child maintenance to the mum, photos, texts ect but don't know if this will be enough for evidence. Child is only 11 so not sure if she can give consent herself, she's a well behaved child so no reason why she wouldn't though. Totally understand the school rejecting the request over the phone as he could literally be anyone but perhaps if he has a meeting with headteacher he may get a bit further!

OP’s posts: |
MeOnScreen Thu 12-Sep-19 22:05:43

@lovemenorca hey, God no, I would never intrude on her like that ever, or in such a secretive way. That relationship is almost 3 years gone. I get on incredibly well with my ex's ex (mother of child I was very close to) so she would tell me after a quick text anyway and tbh My ex would as well if I was to text him and ask him how she was getting on. My question was more about me getting help from moving on from that relationship with that child, not keeping it.

OP’s posts: |
OhTheGenderHokeyCokey Thu 12-Sep-19 22:08:17

He can get a copy of her birth certificate and send that in

ArnoldBee Thu 12-Sep-19 22:09:19

You can order a birth certificate from the gro for £11.00 - then you're all sorted.

HerRoyalNotness Thu 12-Sep-19 22:11:17

He can get his own copy of birth certificate quite easily from here

Then surely he can take that into school and get added to notices etc

NorthernSpirit Thu 12-Sep-19 22:47:17

My OH’s EW won’t share any school information.

He went direct to the schools and they weren’t helpful and told him that they share with the mother and it’s upto him to get that info from her. That’s never going to happen.

So he reminded the schools that he has PR & it’s right to the information and if they failed to supply the same information that they did with the mother / the RO then he would be taking the matter up with the local authority. They now include him on emails, he gets invites to parents days etc.

Be firm - he has exactly the same right to information.

NorthernSpirit Thu 12-Sep-19 22:49:30

And they also wanted proof he was the father (also didn’t have the birth certificate). He sent the schools a copy of his contact order.

MeOnScreen Thu 12-Sep-19 22:57:32

Great thank you so much everyone! He doesn't have a CO as, even though she's threatened on a number of occasions, she hasn't stopped DP seeing his daughter ever. Had no idea you could buy your own copy of the birth certificate, so will let him no about this! Thank you all!

OP’s posts: |
Londongirl07 Thu 12-Sep-19 23:32:41

The school are wrong and cannot exclude the father unless there has been any court action against him...

I tried to take my ex off the text message alerts as they text when your child is late and because once I was late due to a flat tyre he called me up and called me a lousy mum etc tried to ask the school to just take him off so he doesn’t get those messages and be verbally abused by him but they said they can’t unless there was a court order of no contact etc

TwentyEight12 Thu 12-Sep-19 23:45:35

I’m assuming your partner is the named father of the child on the child’s birth certificate?

TwentyEight12 Thu 12-Sep-19 23:58:01

My previous post is not meant to come across as being shirty or sh*tty. Apologies if it reads like that. It was a genuine question.

I wondered if the school were possibly not aware that your partner is officially registered as the child’s father, I mean that legitimately. I understand it sounds a silly and remote idea, however, I would think that an official face to face meet with the Head of school where he introduces the child’s birth certificate and his passport to their face, should do the trick.

lovemenorca Fri 13-Sep-19 05:40:10

Just a coincidence that she’s also 11

Justmemyselfandi999 Fri 13-Sep-19 06:13:47

I'm pretty sure that aged 11, if his daughter doesn't want her personal information shared with her father e.g.. reports/exam results, she has a right to request the school don't disclose.

MeOnScreen Fri 13-Sep-19 06:37:17

@TwentyEight12 no worries, it didn't come across shirty smile yep he's on the birth certificate, it didn't even pass my mind (nor his) that the father could get a copy so definitely the way forward I think smile

OP’s posts: |
MeOnScreen Fri 13-Sep-19 06:39:26

@Londongirl07 omg I sorry to hear that! Life happens and that is 100% a valid excuse as to why you were late dropping your daughter off. Sounds like he's just looking for any excuse to kick off on you , probably to make himself feel better thanks

OP’s posts: |
Sotiredofthislife Fri 13-Sep-19 07:31:49

A quick google at any point would have told him his rights with the school and show him how to get hold of the birth certificate. He now has his partner asking about it on the internet. What is he doing himself?

MeOnScreen Fri 13-Sep-19 11:06:38

@Sotiredofthislife he googled it and we googled it together and we could see on the government website that he did have this right hence why he rang the school however the school said she had to send a letter. He doesn't have a mumsnet account so I suggested putting on here for anyone who may have dealt with this situation before (you know use this for what it's here for) not that it needs explaining.

OP’s posts: |
ColaFreezePop Fri 13-Sep-19 12:29:12

OP many staff at schools, GPs etc give out incorrect information to nrp that's why there are charities dealing with separated parents and children's rights. This is one -

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