I want a weekend without my stepson. Selfish?

(203 Posts)
Debbie01 Mon 26-Aug-19 20:54:07

Extremely confused. My fiance and I being together for a 1.5.years and actually living together since January and we just had a daughter a month ago. Yup, all really fast.
Well he has 3 kids of his own and I have one.
I always tell him to go spend time with his kids, that I'm ok with staying home that way they feel more comfortable n have him by theirselves, but today I asked him for something. He picks up his son, which is 2 years, every weekend and I ask him if could give us, me and his daughter, a weekend just for us two, meaning for him not to pick up his son 2 weekends out of the month. He exploded and he said hes not gonna do that, that that's his boy. Okay i said, then atleast give us one weekend. He said no as well.

Now, am I being selfish for wanting him to spend time with our new born daughter and myself only, atleast one weekend? Weekdays are difficult cause he works, then goes see his kids from like 230sh to 6 then comes home. And when he doesnt its cause hes working, which we dont see him either.
I feel like I shouldn't ask for this, but I also feel like we need time.

P.s. my daughter is 9 n lives with us. Her dad is not in the pic at all - I think diff. Is that she doesnt need my attention as much as his kid does. Also, keep in mind that he only spends time with him and doesnt see his other daughters (they all are from same mom).
Any thoughts?

OP’s posts: |
Northernsoullover Mon 26-Aug-19 20:55:47

Yes, you are being selfish. Its his son.

Wolfiefan Mon 26-Aug-19 20:57:31

He doesn’t see his other kids? WTF not?
YABU. This child presumably sees his father for four days a month.

Debbie01 Mon 26-Aug-19 21:01:54

So no weekend time for the newborn and myself should be okay?

OP’s posts: |
TitianaTitsling Mon 26-Aug-19 21:04:47

Oh l hope that this is some wind up, yes you are absolutely selfish. Your step son is what 2 and you want stop him seeing his daddy?!

inwood Mon 26-Aug-19 21:05:31

Yes it's selfish. His son is part of the deal.

barryfromclareisfit Mon 26-Aug-19 21:06:02

Ditch him now.

My dad used to see my brother, ‘his boy’, leaving me at home with my mum, as the unwanted daughter. Your baby’s father is doing that to his three older daughters and now to your baby too.

It was over fifty years ago for me and I still remember how it felt. Your man is a bastard. Get rid and make a good life for you and your girls.


HeyMonkey Mon 26-Aug-19 21:06:13

Oh dear.

TitianaTitsling Mon 26-Aug-19 21:06:51

This step son has been in your life since he was 6 months old, I would have thought you might have a semblance of caring towards him, usually l feel stepparents get a hard time here unreasonably, but this is awful.

Jboure Mon 26-Aug-19 21:07:14

Yes its selfish. Does he realky favour sons over daughters ? If so., pity you didnt have a boy.

ballsdeep Mon 26-Aug-19 21:07:15

But he is part of your family. Your step son should be included with your weekends. I think you want to push the 2 year old out and play happy families with your newborn and partner. Good for him for sticking up for his son. Yes, you are being selfish

Cloudyyy Mon 26-Aug-19 21:08:11

So you don’t think he should see his son on the weekend??? What!!!!!

Blessedwithboys Mon 26-Aug-19 21:08:19


Chloemol Mon 26-Aug-19 21:08:34

He had the kids when you met, you can’t go insisting he stops seeing them now to suit you, especially as it’s clear it won’t be just you him and the baby, but also your own child.


ColaFreezePop Mon 26-Aug-19 21:09:22

The newborn doesn't give a shit. And as a person from a large family with older siblings including half-siblings, I had lots of fun with them even if I didn't see them everyday. I wasn't bothered or even interested in it being just my parents and me.

If you want a date night/time with your husband then you need to discuss doing it so you arrange childcare for your children, and either ensure all his children are with their mothers or they have childcare as well.

crustycrab Mon 26-Aug-19 21:10:13

My god. YABU. And so is he. Why doesn't he see his other kids?

chocolatesaltyballs22 Mon 26-Aug-19 21:10:29

I read this at first as you wanting a weekend away which I think is perfectly reasonable. If you have specific plans I can see why you would want a child free weekend. But this doesn't seem to be the case. I am a stepmum and find it challenging at times, but to not want his child there for no specific reason is a bit odd.

HerRoyalNotness Mon 26-Aug-19 21:10:52

Sticking up for his son but not his daughters though!

So he sees him every weekend and how often in the week? You say in the week he goes 2.30-6. Is that every day? I see no problem I’m not having his son for one of the weekends. It gives his mum fun weekend time with all her kids. That’s how we did it. 3 weekends with us and 1 with mum. Also used to have midweek contact overnight until they moved further away.

BarrenFieldofFucks Mon 26-Aug-19 21:11:32

Fuck me, do people actually live like this?

huntinghighandlow Mon 26-Aug-19 21:12:43

Like you said, it all happened very fast. You hadn't been with him long enough to see what a rubbish father he was.

Namechangeforthiscancershit Mon 26-Aug-19 21:12:58

I don't understand. So does he get the 2yo and bring him back to your shared house each weekend? That seems fine.

What about the other kids though?

TrixieFranklin Mon 26-Aug-19 21:13:11


PBobs Mon 26-Aug-19 21:13:42

I'm with Bary. Are you saying he only spends time with his boy child and not any of his daughters? Is he with his son every evening?

Debbie01 Mon 26-Aug-19 21:13:50

No, reread my post.
I never said stop seeing his dad.
I said his dad to spend one weekend with his newborn daughter.

OP’s posts: |
BarrenFieldofFucks Mon 26-Aug-19 21:13:51

So you started seeing this chap when his youngest was 6 months old. Within a couple of months you were pregnant?

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