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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

What does your child call their SD

16 replies

Catworrier · 20/08/2019 23:01

Mine has recently started picking up my partners things and then saying "this is daddy's" when I have never lived with his father.

He has started using the terms "mummy and daddy" yet we are never with him together. It's just me and his "SD"

He is almost three. Is this a typical stage kids go through?

OP posts:

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IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 22/08/2019 09:01

Everyone I know with a step parent calls them by their actual name. If young, they were corrected to say not daddy but x.

Scorpiovenus · 22/08/2019 11:57

Yea bit rude to let them call them daddy

I mean how would you feel is the SM was called mummy. Shoe fits both feet

Scorpiovenus · 22/08/2019 11:58

I actually know how this hurts too. My Husband was not allowed to see his kid on fathers day and BM on her FB saying how great the step dad is and happy fathers day and all that.

It was callous and rude to say that also a bit awkward as the child is white and the step dad is black.

Whentotell123 · 22/08/2019 12:01

I don't see why they can not call him Daddy. You may only have one biological Mother and father but there are plenty of step parents that provide a lot of love and support which is what a parent would do.

HappyStep1 · 22/08/2019 12:32

@whentotell123
It really does matter. I do slot for my DSC but I am not, and never will be, their Mum.

tisonlymeagain · 22/08/2019 12:36

Not married, so not really step-parents but my teens have come up with a nickname for my partner. His children call me by my first name, that will never change.

BertieBotts · 22/08/2019 12:37

First name here.

I don't think it's a problem if the child wants to call the stepdad dad/daddy if they don't have a relationship with their own dad. If they do, then they shouldn't call him that, as they already have a dad. But it should come from the child, not the parent(s) and they should not be misled to think that the stepparent is their only mum/dad.

AmIThough · 22/08/2019 12:43

I call my step mom her first name (she's been a constant presence since I was 4) but call her parents Nan and grandad

StormcloakNord · 22/08/2019 12:52

My DD5 calls her step-dad "Dad".

I didn't encourage it but I didn't stop her from doing it either. She has a relationship with her biological Dad however he is utterly useless. I get along fine with him, so there is no animosity for her to pick up on, she's just old enough to pick up on the fact he doesn't really want much to do with her.

Her step-dad has done more for her than her bio-dad ever thought to, that's mainly why I won't discourage her from calling him 'Dad'.

He's referred to as Dad by all extended family as well, his whole side of the family welcomed her like she'd always been part of the family. It was quite amazing actually.

Catworrier · 23/08/2019 22:53

Thanks for the responses everyone.

I guess it just gets confusing as he has always had my partner in his life and as much as his dad is on the scene it's VERY rare.

He calls my partners parents nana and grandad.

I don't think I was to discourage him from doing it at all.

OP posts:

from123toabc · 12/09/2019 14:50

My DD10 doesn't have much relationship with her biological father, see's him maybe 8 times a year, no over nights, he never calls.
We have lived with my partner for almost 3 years and she has known him for 5. She calls him by his first name but sometimes refers to him as 'my dad' when out with friends as it makes her feel more normal- stops her having to explain the dynamic.

Quite frequently people will refer to the two of us as 'mum and dad' infront of DD as a slip of the tongue thing.

I do wonder if and how this may change when we have a child together though.

from123toabc · 12/09/2019 14:53

My 'MIL' gets known as Gran- although my 'PIL' and his wife get called by their first names. My partners nieces and nephews know DD as their cousin (they are aged 1-5) It does get complicated as a family gets more blended and other bio kids are involved. My DD just wants to feel 'normal' like all her other friends and family with a mum and a dad.

HugoSpritz · 12/09/2019 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Enko · 13/09/2019 11:02

I call my stepdad by his name. My children call h granddad. My friend calls her stepdad for dad and her biological father for papa other friend calls her stepdad for Steppie. Elton John called his stepdad for Derf (His name was Fred) so all sorts can work if everyone is happy with it.

ThomasRichard · 13/09/2019 11:39

The kids call him by his first name. DD sometimes calls him daddy but I discourage that. Her actual father got remarried and has no issues with her calling his new wife mummy, which I find hurtful and inappropriate. I’m the one who grew her, birthed her, fed her, looks after her every need. She sees her 4 days a month. It’s not ok.

Yolande7 · 29/09/2019 21:44

I would let the child decide. I call my stepfather by his first name, but he joined my mum and me when I was 8. My kids say Granny and Grandpa.

I wished I had started calling my stepfather Dad, because that is who he is. Like this, I always have to explain to others and they often don't see our relationship as a regular daughter-father one.

Think about what is best for your child longterm.

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