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My partner has a child from a previous relationship. He stays with us alot and he is a really good dad.
I'd like to have a child with him but hes adamant he doesnt want anymore. This makes me feel like I'm not good enough and he loved his ex more than me. I know I'm probably reading more into it than I should but i just cant understand why we cant have a child.
Then you will have to get a co parent in with you, and don't let the selfish man say no, as a signed in co parent will be there 50 50.
Or you have to leave.
He has one child, he doesn't want another.
For him its no different to being a relationship where one person wants a 2nd and the other does.
He's seen how much effort and money a child is. He's scared of your relationship going wrong and having two children in two different places. He's scared of the impact of a new child on the older one. The first one could have been unplanned.
There a lot of reasons with nothing to do you or the ex, that it could be. They're all valid.
You can't force him to have a child.
If its that important to you, leave.
He needs to do what's right for him, you need to to do what's what for you.
You seem more concerned about what this means in terms of how your partner feels about you and his ex
Rather than actually gutted that you may not be a mother
If you honestly want a child and he doesn't this relationship will not work out. One of you will have to compromise and neither compromise will be healthy.
Have another conversation with him to try and understand his reasoning and if he won't budge then cut your losses I'm afraid.
You are reading more into it, but that is totally normal and I have felt the same way when my Husband expressed he wasn't keen in the past so completely understand your initial reaction. You should find out the reasons why and if you can't compromise then the others are right and maybe you should walk away. My Husband and I have been together 4 years now and he has a lovely 8 year old boy but I also can't wait to share a child with him and be a parent myself, after a lot of back and forth from both sides
Have long have you been together? Maybe he is not prepared to contemplate it at this stage, but that depends how long you've been an item.
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