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Bad behaviour before returning to mum(5 Posts)
I don’t know if this is a ‘thing’ that is common, but we’ve started to notice that DSS (12) and DSD (10) have started to really play up the day/night before they go back to their mum’s.
We’ve just returned from a brilliant family holiday along with mine and DP’s DS (1), and tonight since we’ve come back they’ve been really awful. I’d put it down to tiredness but this is genuinely every single time before they go back. We have 50/50 custody so 1 week on, 1 week off type rota.
It’s not horrific behaviour, just back chatty and quite nasty and very mean to their baby brother who they are generally lovely with.
It’s just becoming really draining and I’ve no idea how to deal with it.
My two (9 and 12) do the same just before going and then when back from their dads.
I dont belive they do it consciously and I do give them a bit of slack. When they get home I make sure they have time to acclimatise to being back here.
It must be very unsettling having to regularly move homes. Have you spoken to them and asked if they are aware they are doing it?
I always found when they were younger that if we got back from a holiday and then kept them another night or two those were difficult times. I think there was the come down from a holiday and really the younger ones just wanted to be back with their mum. Everyone was a bit tired too from so much time together and needed a bit of space so there was more swabbing than usual. I generally tried to persuade DH to arrange to take them back to their mum's straight after a holiday.
I've also always noticed lots of swabbing and play fighting at the very end of a weekend. DH was supposed to take them home at 8pm and wouldn't take them early even if we'd finished dinner. They didn't know what to do with that time whilst waiting to go home so just picked fights with each other. In the end I started making dinner later so that it was time to take them as soon as we'd finished. They're a little older now so thankfully it's not such an issue any more. I do think knowing you're about to move to your other house makes kids restless. Best to avoid having an empty time just before moving.
My kids are like this around each transition. I assume it's a sort of anxiety thing kicking in. (They see their Dad EOW)
Mine don’t behave badly when they’re due to go back but they do a sort of go slow, don’t want to get dressed, endlessly forget the things they need to take back, several trips to the loo, suddenly want to ask a lot of questions about dinosaurs or space, think of games to play with their baby sister. I think the transition is always going to be hard. We stayed at my dad’s EOW, didn’t have our own room and while we enjoyed it home was definitely at mums and we visited dad, whereas we have them twice a week and for chunks of a week often so it’s more like two homes and probably harder to leave both at times.
What sort of thing happens with your baby before they leave? Are they momentarily detaching because they’ll miss him when they’re with their mum?