Angry at DH

(131 Posts)
Iamnotagoddess Mon 29-Jul-19 18:33:58

DH doesn’t usually have to “ask” for his kids to come here. We do normally agree on dates together though in the holidays and we have then EOW.

He works away so is only here weekends and has to travel to collect his kids. He and his ex are tbf terrible at pre arranging dates and seem to just organise things on an as hoc basis, and a week we have taken off we cannot have the kids because his ex has made plans with them

We are having a lot of building work done this week, house is filthy, in total disarray (DS has gone to stay with his dad) both lounges and dining room are completely unusable, I am sitting in our bedroom in the evening watching TV and eating in here so DH calls me tonight to say he’s coming home tomorrow (was due back on sat) and he’s collecting his kids and bringing them with him.

WHY?! Why would he think that’s a good idea?

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Iamnotagoddess Mon 29-Jul-19 18:35:06

TBF I’ll be at work so I can leave them to it but ... hmm

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ReeReeR Mon 29-Jul-19 18:39:34

Yes that’s strange

Could he be doing it out of habit without even thinking about the state of the house?

Iamnotagoddess Mon 29-Jul-19 18:42:03

No, he just didn’t think.

He’s got it into his head this is the only opportunity he’ll get to see them over the break (they are of an age where sometimes they have stuff on and choose not to come) but it’s going to be shit and stressful for everyone and he should have discussed it with me first.

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ReeReeR Mon 29-Jul-19 18:44:29

Yes he should have discussed it with you first. Did you tell him your concerns? I would be annoyed that he hadn’t discussed it with me (it’s your home too) and I’d ask whether the kids are aware the house is in disarray

LolaSmiles Mon 29-Jul-19 18:46:49

It's annoying and I agree with you that it seems ridiculous, however if they've always been fairly useless at organisation and have an ad hoc approach between them then I wouldn't be particularly surprised that this has happened and it's probably not worth being in a bad mood over.

Iamnotagoddess Mon 29-Jul-19 18:46:57

He got all angry with me and hung up the phone and I cant contact him until tomorrow morning as he’s at work and not contactable.

He’s like “I want to see my kids” which is really unfair actually as it’s just not practical, there is no TV set up for them to watch (apart from in our room!).

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NoBaggyPants Mon 29-Jul-19 18:47:07

You do seem to make a drama out of nothing.

Kids don't care where they eat/ watch TV. Give them their plates and they'll find somewhere to sit.

Iamnotagoddess Mon 29-Jul-19 18:53:48

They are two 6 foot tall girls aged 12 and 14.

They have a room but I am really funny about people eating in bedrooms, esp as they seem to manage to male a huge mess.

I am working and will have to come home to the building chaos and three extra people in it.

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Tyersal Mon 29-Jul-19 18:54:33

@nobaggypants if the only TV is in the Ops bedroom though that's hardly practical

Iamnotagoddess Mon 29-Jul-19 18:54:44

When we had decided it was ideal to have it done with just me here.

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ReeReeR Mon 29-Jul-19 18:55:58

You are not making a drama OP and it is annoying that he hung up and now you can’t speak to him. It’s difficult if there is no where for them to sit other then in their bedrooms. You will be proved right if they come and are bored as they can’t even watch tv.

Iamnotagoddess Mon 29-Jul-19 18:57:29

I can imagine him going to great lengths to rig up one of our massive TVs from downstairs and making the situation more ridiculous...

They will be bored and then less likely to want to come again...

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Iamnotagoddess Mon 29-Jul-19 18:59:41

Hopefully it will remain sunny and we can eat outside 🙄

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KTara Mon 29-Jul-19 19:01:18

You are eating in the bedroom, though - so no reason why step DD’s cannot eat in theirs. They need to clean up any mess. If they have electronics of their own and you have board games etc, it will be fine. It really is up to your DH to sort out - just carry on with your own plans.

SandyY2K Mon 29-Jul-19 19:02:10

You're eating in your bedroom, so they can eat in theirs.

It may not be ideal, but if they lived with you full time you wouldn't turf them out during building works.

RandomMess Mon 29-Jul-19 19:02:45

DH take them out every day so they Just sleeping at the house

Oswin Mon 29-Jul-19 19:05:35

Could he afford to pick them up and take them away for a few days instead.

Iamnotagoddess Mon 29-Jul-19 19:06:18

Me, on my own eating in the bedroom is different to whole family eating in bedrooms.

Honestly they literally cannot even have a glass without a lid they are that bad (they have drinks in drinks bottles.

DH won’t make them clean up mess, he will run around doing it or he will leave and I will discover it after they have all left.

They can’t play board games in the bedroom, I had to throw a load out because there were bits lost where they hadn’t put them away properly playing them at the table, and they were lobbing bits of Monopoly at each other and I found them all over the dining room after they had gone.

Yes they have phones but it’s not ideal. It’s stressful anyway without the severe lack of space.

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ReeReeR Mon 29-Jul-19 19:06:48

OP let your DH and your SDs clean up the mess of eating in their rooms. Let DH sort it all out since he thinks it can work

ReeReeR Mon 29-Jul-19 19:08:09

Sounds like the girls with be in their rooms or DH will have to take them out so you shouldn’t suffer from lack of space hopefully. I can understand it must be really frustrating that you can’t talk to DH about it. I bet he’ll think about what you’ve said (hopefully)

Iamnotagoddess Mon 29-Jul-19 19:08:31

No, we wouldn’t turf them out if the lived here, but they don’t live here so why invite them last minute when we are in a state of chaos, if they lived here we probably would have planned for them to be at their mothers.

DS has chosen to leave!

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MzHz Mon 29-Jul-19 19:08:58

How long is the building work due to take?

I’d put my foot down with him tbh, it’s not practical

Could he stay up there with them instead?

ReeReeR Mon 29-Jul-19 19:10:35

Yes or DH could just go and take them out for the day? They don’t need to come over where they’ll probably be in their own room the whole time as the family area is inhabitable. We have a similar set up at home - no carpets upstairs and bare walls - so DH is seeing away from the home

Iamnotagoddess Mon 29-Jul-19 19:10:53

He threatened to take them to his parents (everyone is at opposite ends of the country) when he got angry.

I might just let him grin

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