Hiya
Need to talk to people that know. Feel absolutely heartbroken today. I have been a sm for nearly 6 years now and its still not working and I feel like such a massive failure and am so upset I can't draw this kids in, the upset takes over you. I was very happy to be a step mum, I wanted to care for these new little people and really mean something to them and 6 years later I have tried as much as I can and now I am so not in a good place which is really unhealthy, I need to find some peace with it all. They basically don't want what I want, never shared my dream, no surprise right, why would they. But it hurts. And it hurts watching my husband suffer.....i just don't know how he copes with the rejection. It used to be pure anger, irrational, unreasonable behaviour and luckily we have moved away from that a bit but now we just don't seem to factor, they don't want to know us. It doesn't help that there has been a lack of emphasise from their mums side such as manners, empathy, flexibility and they are very entitled and if its not exactly how they wanted it well then shutters up and fuck everyone. We've been so so patient, taken it all and come back for more. I have made sure they know I personally think their relationship with their dad is so important and pushed for time with just them and dad, I even suggested they set up a whatsapp group with them and both their parents so that they can talk to them at the same time ffs. I have accepted all the bad behaviour, the ignoring my son when he was born, the punishing of my daughter for just existing. I have had my say but part of me wishes I had been firmer from the beginning and said not having this behaviour in my house. My husband tries to be there for them everyday but he never knows if he will get cut off, refusal to talk, door shut in face, blamed for not seeing them when its them that won't come over. They can be good if they want, we have had some good times, they just don't care enough but they are just cold now rather than punishing, we don't exist/matter. SS was younger when we met and has given us more back (that we absolutely cherished) but that's just seemed to switch off. The things we have done for them and we just seem to fall off the face of the earth for months after, I am floored. SD is very angry/sad and won't truly accept the divorce (although it seems to be ok for mum to move on) and SS who is obvs on the spectrum and is hard to deal with in general and prob unable to feel empathy for his dad. I am aware this is a long depressing rant so apologies I just don't know where to go with this but right now I am angry and that's not good. Besides feeling rejected myself (which I know they don't owe me) I feel like 6 years is a good amount of time to be understanding and the pain they are putting my husband through is just not ok.
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Step-parenting
Just feel like a massive failure
27 replies
Here4help · 21/07/2019 20:11
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