Internet curfew

[Cinderella69]

My son & I have lived with my partner for 4 years. My son is 17, and whilst he is at college we turn the internet off at 10.30pm & the Xbox is off during the day ( he can still use his laptop). He is now on college break till September and has asked if the curfew can be lifted. I said fine but my partner has said no, not until he gets a summer job! I feel I am piggy in the middle and it's putting a strain on my relationship with my partner because he feels we are ganging up on him. My son nags me constantly about it. His dad has said that he's got a job for him in the pipeline, but he's been saying this for weeks! I hate feeling like I don't have a voice but then I don't want to argue with my partner. My son stayed at his grandmas & grandad for a week and loved it coz there was no curfew and chores to do. It upsets me when he says he wants to live with them. I feel that my partner is driving my son away and I'm starting to resent him. I just don't know what to do. He has already driven my other son away. I'm at my wits end. My son has just told me that he doesn't feel welcome here and he wishes it was just the two of us again. Tbh I'm staying to feel the same way. 😟

[Beamur]

How come your partner has the final say?
Your partner not being kind or reasonable here.
I'm guessing there's a whole load more to this if your other son has moved out and this one is saying he'd rather not be living with this man.

[SummerInTheVillage]

Just tell your partner that the internet is going on. It's your home too and your son. If he doesn't like it tell him to leave. He sounds awful.

[WomanLikeMeLM]

Ffs he is 17 not a child, your partner needs to understand this.

[WomanLikeMeLM]

Does your partner control you as well @Cinderella69 ?

[AnneLovesGilbert]

You let him drive your other child away already? And you’re letting it happen again?

Is he the boss of you and your children?

Of course he wants to move. I hope he does.

[stucknoue]

At 17 that is pretty unreasonable. However the should be working or doing chores.

[GeorgeTheFirst]

If he's already driven one of your children away then I think you need to have a long hard think about how that happened and whether it is happening again.

[lunar1]

Why did you stay with him to the point that one of your children left? What on earth makes him worth that, and now it's going to happen again!

[readitandwept]

Haven't you posted similar before?

Have low standards for yourself if you must. But don't inflict them onto your kids who have no say.

[Pineapplefish]

That is a very strict rule considering it’s the summer and your DS is 17. How come your partner gets the final say and you don’t have a voice? You should have MORE of a say than him, given it’s your DS not his.

Please don’t choose this man over your DC

[ralphfromlordoftheflies]

I hate these sort of threads, they make me feel sick. I can't imagine ever allowing some controlling fuck bully and push my son out.

[historymystery]

Don't lose another son. Leave controlling man!

[user1493413286]

I don’t really understand; talk to your partner and say that you’re lifting the curfew as you think that’s fair and perhaps agree with your son that this is on the basis of him continuing to look for a part time job.
Also I think you need his grandparents on board to explain life wouldn’t be easy if he lived with them.
Having said all that if he genuinely drove your other son away why are you still with him?

[Pineapplefish]

OP, can you tell us why you don't want to argue with your partner and stand up for your son? Is it because you are a people pleaser who hates confrontation? Or is it that you are afraid of what your partner will say/do when he gets angry?

If it's the latter, you need to leave immediately. No one should live in fear of their partner.

[Snappedandfarted2019]

Put you're son first op hes already pushed one son away.

[SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad]

An internet curfew and xbox restrictions for a 17 year old? That's utterly ridiculous.

OP, I will be blunt. Your kids come first. If they see you consistently failing to put them ahead of your partner, your future relationship with them will be rotten. You've already sat nack and watched him drive your other son away - at what point will you decide that your kids are worth fighting for? There are too many men and women who put their partner ahead of their kids, and it's appalling.

Put your foot down. He is your son. You make the decision. If your partner has a problem with that, he needs to go.

If you are also being subjected to controlling behaviour, help is available. Speak to Womens Aid or another domestic abuse charity. I know it is hard to break free from a controlling relationship, but ultimately you have a choice to make. Is your relationship more important than your kids?

[Catclock]

10.30pm seems a reasonable enough time for the internet to go off..? Not sure I see a problem there. Teenage lads will always try and push it.

[Cinderella69]

I just want to say I feel bad for making my partner sound like a monster. He treats me really well and he is a doting father (he has two daugters) and grandfather. My eldest son is no Angel. He didn't live with us as it would never of worked. He joined the army before I moved in with my partner. They fell out whilst visiting us. I think that's why he insists on a curfew coz my eldest had no respect for me. Should I break up with my partner just so my son can stay on internet all night?

[pikapikachu]

Internet curfews are for much younger children imho.

Is the Xbox and Internet curfews every day or school days?

I'm pretty gobsmacked that you seem happy to repeat the same mistake. Listen to what your son has said- everybody is better off without your partner

[Catclock]

Course not! When your son starts paying the internet bills he can use it whenever he likes until then... X

[Pineapplefish]

OP, it's not the internet curfew that's the problem in itself. The issue is that, by your own admission, you would have been happy to be a bit more relaxed about screen time, but you were overruled by your partner, even though it's your son and the final decision should be yours.

[sackrifice]

Does he pull his weight at home generally?

In this day and age, I'd be pretty hacked off if I wasn't allowed something that is actually already paid for - it's not as if it is more expensive the more it gets used. But to pay for my summers at home, I used to do things like repaint rooms in return for living there, after I had left school.