Talk

Advanced search

Internet curfew

(23 Posts)
Cinderella69 Thu 18-Jul-19 20:12:48

My son & I have lived with my partner for 4 years. My son is 17, and whilst he is at college we turn the internet off at 10.30pm & the Xbox is off during the day ( he can still use his laptop). He is now on college break till September and has asked if the curfew can be lifted. I said fine but my partner has said no, not until he gets a summer job! I feel I am piggy in the middle and it's putting a strain on my relationship with my partner because he feels we are ganging up on him. My son nags me constantly about it. His dad has said that he's got a job for him in the pipeline, but he's been saying this for weeks! I hate feeling like I don't have a voice but then I don't want to argue with my partner. My son stayed at his grandmas & grandad for a week and loved it coz there was no curfew and chores to do. It upsets me when he says he wants to live with them. I feel that my partner is driving my son away and I'm starting to resent him. I just don't know what to do. He has already driven my other son away. I'm at my wits end. My son has just told me that he doesn't feel welcome here and he wishes it was just the two of us again. Tbh I'm staying to feel the same way. 😟

Beamur Thu 18-Jul-19 20:16:19

How come your partner has the final say?
Your partner not being kind or reasonable here.
I'm guessing there's a whole load more to this if your other son has moved out and this one is saying he'd rather not be living with this man.

SummerInTheVillage Thu 18-Jul-19 20:31:21

Just tell your partner that the internet is going on. It's your home too and your son. If he doesn't like it tell him to leave. He sounds awful.

WomanLikeMeLM Thu 18-Jul-19 20:43:47

Ffs he is 17 not a child, your partner needs to understand this.

WomanLikeMeLM Thu 18-Jul-19 20:44:55

Does your partner control you as well @Cinderella69 ?

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 18-Jul-19 20:50:50

You let him drive your other child away already? And you’re letting it happen again?

Is he the boss of you and your children?

Of course he wants to move. I hope he does.

stucknoue Thu 18-Jul-19 20:52:21

At 17 that is pretty unreasonable. However the should be working or doing chores.

GeorgeTheFirst Thu 18-Jul-19 20:52:38

If he's already driven one of your children away then I think you need to have a long hard think about how that happened and whether it is happening again.

lunar1 Thu 18-Jul-19 22:16:22

Why did you stay with him to the point that one of your children left? What on earth makes him worth that, and now it's going to happen again!

readitandwept Thu 18-Jul-19 22:18:57

Haven't you posted similar before?

Have low standards for yourself if you must. But don't inflict them onto your kids who have no say.

Pineapplefish Thu 18-Jul-19 22:20:40

That is a very strict rule considering it’s the summer and your DS is 17. How come your partner gets the final say and you don’t have a voice? You should have MORE of a say than him, given it’s your DS not his.

Please don’t choose this man over your DC sad

ralphfromlordoftheflies Thu 18-Jul-19 22:30:35

I hate these sort of threads, they make me feel sick. I can't imagine ever allowing some controlling fuck bully and push my son out.

historymystery Thu 18-Jul-19 22:38:31

Don't lose another son. Leave controlling man!

user1493413286 Fri 19-Jul-19 06:35:11

I don’t really understand; talk to your partner and say that you’re lifting the curfew as you think that’s fair and perhaps agree with your son that this is on the basis of him continuing to look for a part time job.
Also I think you need his grandparents on board to explain life wouldn’t be easy if he lived with them.
Having said all that if he genuinely drove your other son away why are you still with him?

Pineapplefish Fri 19-Jul-19 07:40:11

OP, can you tell us why you don't want to argue with your partner and stand up for your son? Is it because you are a people pleaser who hates confrontation? Or is it that you are afraid of what your partner will say/do when he gets angry?

If it's the latter, you need to leave immediately. No one should live in fear of their partner.

Snappedandfarted2019 Fri 19-Jul-19 08:04:26

Put you're son first op hes already pushed one son away.

An internet curfew and xbox restrictions for a 17 year old? That's utterly ridiculous.

OP, I will be blunt. Your kids come first. If they see you consistently failing to put them ahead of your partner, your future relationship with them will be rotten. You've already sat nack and watched him drive your other son away - at what point will you decide that your kids are worth fighting for? There are too many men and women who put their partner ahead of their kids, and it's appalling.

Put your foot down. He is your son. You make the decision. If your partner has a problem with that, he needs to go.

If you are also being subjected to controlling behaviour, help is available. Speak to Womens Aid or another domestic abuse charity. I know it is hard to break free from a controlling relationship, but ultimately you have a choice to make. Is your relationship more important than your kids?

Catclock Fri 19-Jul-19 20:38:35

10.30pm seems a reasonable enough time for the internet to go off..? Not sure I see a problem there. Teenage lads will always try and push it.

Cinderella69 Fri 19-Jul-19 23:05:07

I just want to say I feel bad for making my partner sound like a monster. He treats me really well and he is a doting father (he has two daugters) and grandfather. My eldest son is no Angel. He didn't live with us as it would never of worked. He joined the army before I moved in with my partner. They fell out whilst visiting us. I think that's why he insists on a curfew coz my eldest had no respect for me. Should I break up with my partner just so my son can stay on internet all night?

pikapikachu Fri 19-Jul-19 23:06:26

Internet curfews are for much younger children imho.

Is the Xbox and Internet curfews every day or school days?

I'm pretty gobsmacked that you seem happy to repeat the same mistake. Listen to what your son has said- everybody is better off without your partner

Catclock Fri 19-Jul-19 23:08:01

Course not! When your son starts paying the internet bills he can use it whenever he likes smile until then... X

Pineapplefish Sat 20-Jul-19 18:00:00

OP, it's not the internet curfew that's the problem in itself. The issue is that, by your own admission, you would have been happy to be a bit more relaxed about screen time, but you were overruled by your partner, even though it's your son and the final decision should be yours.

sackrifice Sat 20-Jul-19 18:04:40

Does he pull his weight at home generally?

In this day and age, I'd be pretty hacked off if I wasn't allowed something that is actually already paid for - it's not as if it is more expensive the more it gets used. But to pay for my summers at home, I used to do things like repaint rooms in return for living there, after I had left school.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »