I'm just back from a 10 day holiday with dp, his three teens & two of my teens & it was honestly a very hard 10 days & I feel exhausted & upset from having to fake it for so long.
I post on here a bit & many of you may know that my dp tends to see his kids mainly in the town where they live due to logistics, geography & issues with their dm.
I have always struggled with his dc - or should I say they have always struggled with me - & so I have always striven to give them plenty of alone time with their dad while trying to support him in his parenting & trying to be a grown up friend to them (as opposed to parenting them). I do birthdays, Christmas gifts, days out, some long weekends away etc. & while I use here to vent my frustrations I really, really do try with them.
I know I have issues around how they are being parented, but again I either vent here or take it to my therapist & keep my mouth shut around dp unless he asks for specific advice.
After nearly 5 years & this holiday I just feel like nothing is getting better. I'm not saying I do everything right but I work in wellness/SN & have taught lots of teens & kids at school level. I also have taught adults with SN so I am well used to dealing with people & teens; can connect with most teens, get on great in a class setting; have a great relationship with my own kids, their friends & my nieces & nephews. But for some reason I cannot warm to dp's kids & they don't warm to me either. I DON'T dislike them, but I find being in their company very draining & I find many of their behaviours very odd & some quite rude. I also really felt dp was a different person on this trip & made NO effort to promote this as a joint holiday when the whole thing had been his idea in the first place! They clung out of him the whole trip & while this made him tired & cranky (they were like three primary age kids instead of 13, 16 & 19) he refused to speak to them about it. My two and I ended up just doing our own thing but my two (who have a great relationship with dp & who have previously spent time with his kids) were just bewildered & became very self conscious around them all, to the point where they both remarked to me that they felt they really weren't wanted around.
Virtually all meals (pre us doing our own thing) were silent unless myself & my son & daughter tried to get conversation going. They'd never say good morning or good bye & if I was left overseeing things because dp might have gone to the loo they'd just get up and leave my presence, saying nothing & not letting me know where they were off to.
I'm not even sure anymore if I'm the problem - this trip I just got the feeling that this is what they are like in general & that the dynamic between dp & them is just very 'odd' & getting odder. At the moment I just feel total despair at the future (am already feeling anxious about Christmas) & I feel very bad for my two who got caught in the middle of all this sullenness & neediness & whom I now feel are possibly looking at dp in a very different light.
I have tried & tried & tried to connect with them as have my kids, but we are increasing met with total disinterest. I feel there is nothing more I can do & I can't talk to the one person I really need & want to talk to.
I really don't need a bashing - I just needed to vent.
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Step-parenting
Really down over dp's kids
Magda72 · 08/07/2019 23:56
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