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Help, advice & suggestions welcome!(6 Posts)
Ahhhh here goes..... so I met my husband at work we had been great friends for 4 years and then one day something clicked and we became inseparable. We got married 10 months later. I have 2 boys from previous relationship and he has 1 daughter and 1 son from two separate mothers. One of the mothers is that ok ish and the other is just not. My children are 8&11 and his are 3&9 the youngest boy keeps swearing constantly and is so demanding it's causing us to argue. Yesterday he said F**K you followed by my husbands name. I was in shock. I sat him in time out for 3 mins and when time was up I got to his level and I explained that it's unacceptable to use words like that in our home. But still made no difference at all and he continued to say swear words. It's nothing he has heard in our home I'm very aware of what is said. I would hate to have my own children swear and I treat them all the same. However this morning was a huge to do infront of his daughter and son because I asked him to be quiet at 7am and everyone else was asleep. I should mention we live in a one bedroom flat. The boys have the bedroom and his daughter sleeps on our mattress on the living room floor and I sleep on the sofa. Cosy I know!!! His daughter is extremely mollycoddled and will follow us everywhere.... even the bathroom! Now bare in mind it's a one bed flat!!! So I asked the son to be quiet and my husband tells me off telling me I'm rude infront of his daughter amd son and got them ready and stormed out. His son constantly has to be centre of attention and I'm ok with that. His mum has a high flying job and he is in nursery 52.5 hours a week. So he's being brought up by the nursery basically and they find him funny! Am I wrong? I can seriously take it if I am! I just feel very upset for being shouted at and I also feel that now he has done that I now have no say in future because they will no that they can do what suits and I'll get in trouble.
Six of you in a one bedroom flat?!
Do your boys go to their dad's at all? If so, could you maybe have the DSC over when they're not there? Might be less squashed for space and mean you're able to focus on DSS's behaviour with fewer distractions. You need simple, enforceable sanctions for swearing at that age tbh. Eg, a star chart for good behaviour but stars removed for each time he swears (or other bad behaviour) and then stars = smarties or similar at the end of each day. Older children are unlikely to copy a three year old so I wouldn't worry too much about that.
I do sympathise as I can’t imagine how tricky it is to have all of you in a one bedroom flat! That must be hard even when his children aren’t there.
I don’t think you’re wrong for not finding swearing acceptable; do you think he’s doing it for effect? If you ignored him would he then stop as it’s boring?
It’s a bit insulting to say he’s being brought up by nursery to be honest. My DD is in nursery similar to that and I don’t see it that way. Maybe she needs her job to afford to live?
Honestly I think you're being unreasonable getting cross with a 3 year old getting up at 7am, that's a reasonable time to get up for a 3 year old, it's not his fault you're so overcrowded. Can his dad take him out for breakfast.
I would correct the swearing and tell the other children to ignore it.