(Namechanged because other threads could make this outing)
I'll try to set out the facts so as to not drip feed but really need some help on what to do.
I've been with my partner for 5 years. His ex had a long term affair and he tried to work things out with her but after nearly a year they decided to divorce. I met him 6 months after that and everything was perfect from day 1. I have 2 DS, he has 2 DD & 1 DS.
His children refused to meet me for the first 2 years. I think that their perception was that I had been the reason for the divorce (they didn't know about the affair, or any other details). I only saw his children very occasionally over the next year, and then they found out (through gossip) about the affair, and realised I was not to blame, and have been pretty much fine with me and seeing me since then.
The younger one (now 15) is not.
My dp is trying to make an effort to blend things a little more now, especially now that my DSs are both away at uni and so we would like to potentially see each other on the EOW when he has his children - perhaps for me to pop in and join them for lunch, or to go out one eve with him.
The 15 year old DD has now said that she does not want me in her life in any way, and if he wants me there then she won't see him and will stop coming over to his house EOW.
Clearly there is no choice or decision to make. This is his DD, she must come first and he is a good father. Therefore, I now feel I only have a 'part time' dp.
I don't want to be unreasonable, and I am totally in favour of him putting her first.
But how can I reconcile with myself the idea of only being with him EOW, and not being 'allowed' to pop in or be there if she is.
I'm not a bad person, I often spend much time with him trying to do nice things for her (and his other children), and I'm not trying to take him away from her.
Can I accept this - he is quite adamant that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and that we will work through this, yet I feel like I may end up a few more years down the line feeling very resentful that I don't have a full time partner.
Is anybody else in this situation or can offer any words of encouragement or advice please?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.
Step-parenting
help & advice please needed
21 replies
rainydaysmum · 13/06/2019 09:39
OP posts:
Tactfulish ·
13/06/2019 11:49
This reply has been deleted
The OP has now deregistered, as they have privacy concerns. We have agreed to take this down at their request.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.