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dealing with uninvolved father(5 Posts)
I have a son who's 11 and whose father lives in Latin America and is not involved. Last time he saw him, my son was 3. At the beginning, he was calling, but my son was too young to talk by phone and with time, calling and maintenance stopped. Especially, since he started dating his now wife who told him that I sent her naked pictures of me (!).
I used to be angry which I expressed not very diplomatically, but that was years ago. Since then, me and my son found peace and I feel nothing for my ex. All these years, he normally called once or twice per year, for Father's day and my son's birthday. He always says that he loves him and for some reason, I don't doubt it. Several times over the years, he asked me if my son (then 8) had a cell phone or a facebook account so he communicate with him directly (don't know if it's because of the wife).
Last year, I decided to try to reestablished some kind of a relationship, asked him to call our son, he did, they talked. He asked him a lot of questions, said he would call again. Called a few times, then stopped. Recently his father passed away and he called me to announce the news to me. He did the same with his mother 3 years ago, which I guess shows that he doesn't hate me.
About a year ago, my son started developing obsessive compulsive behaviour and I brought him to a psychologist who thinks that his anxiety is partially caused by an absent father....
So my question is, should I just forget about pride and remind him from time to time to call my son? Some people around me think that I should forget about him. Obviously, a good father doesn't need reminders. Maybe it's way too late and useless. But I'm still wondering if sporadic conversations with the father are better than nothing.
I’d forget about him. I know it’s seen as a cliche on here but people show you who they are with their actions
If the conversations benefit your ds the yes! But if you have noticed that a few days after he has high anxiety or starts to wonder why he isn't around more than no.
I got used to my df not being around, loved the calls though and still speak regularly. The worse part was him coming in and out or letting me down but on the phone it was different.
What dors your son want ? Would he like more contact? To see him?
My son keeps many things inside and when I ask he says he doesn't know, but he likes talking to him because when the ex calls he asks him a lot of questions, so it's nice. But my son never asks or mentions his father just like that. That's why I'm not sure.