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Awkward partner help(7 Posts)
I’m desperate for guidance. I’ve been with my partner for almost 5 years. I have 10 yr old daughter who’s father isn’t really involved with her.
Anyway, my daughter says it’s ‘awkward’ between her & my partner. I think at times she feels anxious around him. He loves her dearly but I can see/feel the awkwardness between them. It appears to be getting worse the older she gets and it’s upsetting me enormously. She loves him & he’s always there for her BUT he’s so awkward that he’s unable to cuddle her or go into her room without the pair of them feeling uncomfortable. I’m really struggling with it & desperate for advice.
No wonder they both feel awkward.
If you read MN - you'll find that your DP has a point - every man is seen as a potential danger and he could get himself into all sorts of trouble, ex. from her when she becomes a teenager, from observers, from you if your relationship deteriorates.
Same for your DD - she'll have been educated about 'dangerous men' from all sides.
Why does he have to cuddle her or go into her room?
What is it they feel uncomfortable about?
Maybe set your expectations a little differently? My DH would never cuddle my DS, and very rarely my DD (once that I can recall, when she was upset about something) He wouldn't really go on their rooms either much. He's fond of them both, and kind to them and I think it's good they have him in their lives, but he doesn't have the same closeness I have with them. That's ok I think.
Ask your DD what your DP does that feels awkward. Maybe she's needing a little more space and privacy in her life now that she's a getting older.
“Why does he have to cuddle her or go into her room?” Obviously the op just means she wishes they were closer. Perfectly normal I would have thought?
Op I think however awkward your dp feels, he needs to be the one to break the ice and your dd will take the lead from him. Every hug after the first will hopefully come more easily.
I have been married for 8 years now to my dd’s step dad and although dh is a naturally tactile person, it took quite a few years for this to happen. Now she’s an adult and dh gets more hugs than me!
I think as @Firefliess says though. Maybe the expectations are too high. There's no need for him to have to cuddle her or go into her room if they aren't comfortable with that.
Please don't ask DP to start initiating more cuddles to break the ice! It's ok to not cuddle each other. They can be close in other ways. Perhaps they could cook lunch together sometimes? Something that will get them bonding a bit.