My DH and I have been married for two years and between us we have 6 kids. His youngest is 11 and my youngest is 20. A year ago I followed DH overseas, gave up my job and sold my cottage and became a dependent.
My youngest has struggled settling into uni and left in her second year as she wasn’t coping. She tried to get a job but lacked life skills, in the end she was worryingly depressed so I flew her out to us, where she stayed for 5 weeks. Within her first week of staying, she needed an operation so for remainder of stay she was recovering (couldn’t lift anything ...).
Every school holiday and half term DSD comes to stay. I look after her and she really loves being with me and my DC and grandkids. When I’m in the UK I’ll get DSD (11) and the adult DSC and take them out with grandkids, have them for movie nights etc. All sounds perfect ... except it isn’t.
DH has said all my 3 kids are rude. He has criticised all of them, told me 5 weeks was unacceptably long - 2 weeks of visiting is long enough. He had made derogatory comments about my grandchild (4) and - this is the really weird thing - when I look after his 11yr old he becomes really horrible, snappy, critical of me.
We are now sorting out summer. I have said I can’t look after his DD as it conflicts with my own DDs summer holidays (who is not welcome). He became very cross and told me I’m threatening his time with his DD. He says my DD is 20 and can stay in his UK flat - she doesn’t need me there to “look after her while she lolls around being waited on”. I don’t see it like that - I think she should have her mum in her uni holidays.
It’s got to the point now where I want to totally disengage with this kids. His criticism had made me want to point out all the flaws in his own kids ... and it has set me into a negative thinking pattern where I can start convincing myself the 11yr old (apple of his eye) is a pain. Then I hate myself for it - as the truth is I’m really fond of her and the stuff I’m picking up on is normal kiddy stuff.
Would you agree it’s best we just disengage? I can feel the resentment building up in me - I don’t want to look after DSD. I’m angry I’m dependent on a man who won’t let my kids stay for more than 2 weeks. I hate the fact his own adult kids (22 &28) have full access to their family home and mum courtesy of him and the financial settlement he provided.
I just got off the phone from him (I’m currently in uk, he’s not) confirming I won’t covering summer for the 11yr old - this has not gone down well at all.
Am I wrong?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice.
Step-parenting
Best way forward?
24 replies
Lizzie1503 · 14/05/2019 09:53
OP posts:
Tactfulish ·
14/05/2019 10:22
This reply has been deleted
The OP has now deregistered, as they have privacy concerns. We have agreed to take this down at their request.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.