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I am sick of putting in the boundaries

(7 Posts)
Iamnotagoddess Mon 06-May-19 16:39:06

I am willing to accept I am possibly being a bit unreasonable here and I may just need a rant.

Have had DSDs for 3 days.

I do get on with them and we do have a laugh and I love them (I have been around for 10 years) but it’s DH tip toeing around discipline and boundaries which is winding me up.

With my kids (who are all older now and two have left home - one still here aged 17) I always had clear, fair boundaries and expectations and DH was a very stern with them and OTT and interfered when he didn’t need to (I had brought them up alone for 10 years before we met so I was perfectly capable).

If we go anywhere the girls constantly shove each other rather than walking. If they are left alone for any period of time they fall out, today this resulted in a dining room chair being damaged after I had asked them to stop.

DSD1 gets up every morning earlier than everyone else and stomps down the stairs and crashes about in the kitchen making herself porridge leaving an absolute mess (she puts chocolate spread in the porridge and got it over the door frame of the living room, on the kitchen cupboard, side, hallway, kitchen and dining room floors).

DSD2 spilt black current squash all down the kitchen drawers (in the drawer) and all over the side twice and left it.

We got through 8 pints of milk in the first two days and a 1/2 kg of sugar because DH let’s DSD1 have unlimited cups of tea 10 toilet rolls and 250ml bottle of shower gel through two showers each.

To me this is excessive - the waste disposal unit was also damaged by a piece of plastic being shoved down there (although DH says this wasn’t them).

ARGH - and breath.

OP’s posts: |
LatentPhase Tue 07-May-19 13:54:08

OMG, OP flowers

How old are your dsd’s? If they are 2-year-olds YABU.

But you’ve known them for a lot longer so.. YANBU.

Strange how he was stern/strict/OTT with your dc and totally the opposite with his own?

I think that’s a common phenomenon but can you find middle ground? What happens when you speak to DH about it?

Iamnotagoddess Tue 07-May-19 14:44:21

12 & 14 😭😭

OP’s posts: |
Livedandlearned Tue 07-May-19 14:50:47

Reading that brought back memories of when we all first live together, all our dcs combined would use loss of millions, cereal, sugar and bang about and make loads of mess. We had to constantly stay on top of it all.

Can you bear to leave dh to sort out all the mess so he realises what a pita it is?

Livedandlearned Tue 07-May-19 14:51:28

Sorry about the typos: loss of millions: lots of milk.

RomanyQueen1 Tue 07-May-19 14:54:15

I think you need to get him to parent them. Is he usually there when they come over, it shouldn't be up to you to parent them. Leave the mess for him to clear up.

Iamnotagoddess Tue 07-May-19 19:13:41

I think he parents by guilt a lot.

Things aren’t great for them at home.

For example there was an absolute debacle yesterday when he took them home.

Their mother had agreed to meet him 43 miles away from their house (about an hour each way) as they live 120 miles away and then DH has to drive 520 miles back to where he works, or drive to the airport about 3 hours away from their home, park his car for a week and fly back to work. It’s complicated and a logistical nightmare and I often only see DH twice a month with his kids.

She texts one of the kids 1/2 an hour before they are due to meet “I’ll be late I can’t find my wallet to put petrol in the car” child doesn’t see text until they arrive, on time at the meeting point. They wait 1/2 an hour and DH calls her, she’s not coming (she sounds pissed) so he has to put the girls into a train, she hasn’t got enough petrol to run to the station to get them apparently so he gives them money for and books a cab from the station.

Bearing in mind she has been phoned by the school last week re owing £600 odd quid for the school bus and been told the kids won’t be allowed on the bus this morning unless she pays something and her car is a company car so presumably she was due at work this morning I am not sure how she’s not thought about this as apparently her purse has been missing all weekend angry

OP’s posts: |

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