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AIBU?

(76 Posts)
QueenOfIce Thu 11-Apr-19 22:59:34

Dsd is 15, shared care 50/50. I don't feel AIBU but dh and I cannot agree on this topic.

Dsd has a doll she plays with, she likes to play in the dining room because apparently the table is the right height. I have no issue with the doll my issue is this.

She opens dining room door shuts herself in, closes the shutters, moves the table and gets on with whatever. Finishes playing gets up and leaves. Leaving the chair out, table still moved (closer to plug for her phone charger) shutters still closed, doll on the table door wide open.

Every time she has to be asked to tidy up and put things back the way she found them. Every. Single. Time.

I am the one who clears it up when she's gone to school having left it and left it until I can't any longer. I sent her and dh a text saying I was unhappy with having to constantly tidy up after her and in future she needs to do it herself. My text was ignored.

So I've said to dh that from now on if she wants to play she does it in her bedroom because I am fed up of either asking her to clear up or doing it once she's gone. He thinks I'm being unreasonable because in his words 'it takes 5 seconds to pick up a doll'

I've asked him for a compromise but he can't give me one thinks we should just keep asking her to clear up after her. I am so fed up! So AIBU?

OP’s posts: |
frazzledasarock Thu 11-Apr-19 23:01:32

Get your husband to tidy up, it’s only picking up a doll.

Doyoumind Thu 11-Apr-19 23:03:47

At 15 she should be able to tidy up so YANBU. Strange she's playing with a doll but that's not the point of your post.

Singlenotsingle Thu 11-Apr-19 23:06:56

Strange she's playing with a doll, and so often that it's becoming a problem! But I agree, tell her to do it in her room.

Joebloggswazere Thu 11-Apr-19 23:07:26

Wouldn’t bother me. How does she play with the doll though? A bit weird at 15.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 11-Apr-19 23:08:19

Has she got SEN?

FromDespairToHere Thu 11-Apr-19 23:10:44

I also came to ask if she has SN playing with a doll at 15?

QueenOfIce Thu 11-Apr-19 23:16:49

No SN, no issue with her playing my issue is that she never tidies up after herself and dh doesn't do it so every time I want to use the table or just you know want my house to be tidy I have to clear up her mess. Move the table, push in the chair pick up the doll, sweet wrappers, pens, paper open the shutters etc.

OP’s posts: |
MrsTerryPratchett Thu 11-Apr-19 23:27:03

She's 15. No SEN. She needs to clean up after herself.

I do think that if she's the one that normally uses that room, the table and chair can stay where they are, shutters who cares, rubbish cleaned up, and doll.

Compromise.

QueenOfIce Thu 11-Apr-19 23:29:33

She isn't the only one who uses that room, it's the dining room it's used daily by everyone.

OP’s posts: |
MrsTerryPratchett Thu 11-Apr-19 23:30:58

Why can't the table and chair stay where it is until dinner?

TulipsTulipsTulips Thu 11-Apr-19 23:34:11

YABU for texting them about this. Have a discussion face to face.

QueenOfIce Thu 11-Apr-19 23:35:49

She plays after dinner also and when she's done and goes to bed everything is left. So in the morning she goes to school and I am left to clear up before I can use the table for work or dinner if she's not with us. Is it so awful for me to want to have a common room left as it was found and to not to have to clear up her mess every time?!

OP’s posts: |
QueenOfIce Thu 11-Apr-19 23:36:51

Done that tulips, I get ignored I text as she had gone to school with dh and I was left to once again clear up before I could use it.

OP’s posts: |
MrsTerryPratchett Thu 11-Apr-19 23:37:48

I'm saying that it's her home too and compromise gets more agreement than a demand for compliance.

My mum is obsessed with everything being in it's place. But that place is always designated by her. It's controlling. In her case. No idea about you.

QueenOfIce Thu 11-Apr-19 23:40:34

So when she leaves everything and goes back to her mums for her nights do I leave everything and work around it or clear it up and say nothing? It's my home too. She is always asked she is never told. I'm fed up of asking and I'm fed up of doing it myself so it's out of bounds. She had a bedroom no reason she can't play in there.

OP’s posts: |
QueenOfIce Thu 11-Apr-19 23:41:09

Has a bedroom not had!

OP’s posts: |
MrsTerryPratchett Thu 11-Apr-19 23:48:20

Alright I'm going to be honest. She's 15, plays with dolls rather than injecting heroin into her eyeballs and drinking white spirit. The worst she does is leave on room a little untidy. One doll, a few wrappers and a couple of pieces of furniture out of place.

Is she rude or mean or troublesome?

Hersheys Thu 11-Apr-19 23:48:37

I cannot get past at 15 she's playing with a doll!
I thought you'd accidentally hit the 1 and meant she's 5 confusedhmm

TulipsTulipsTulips Thu 11-Apr-19 23:54:09

Something about your posts sound a bit off to me. Is there another issue that is bothering you in the relationship? In the scheme of things this is not a big deal.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 Thu 11-Apr-19 23:55:40

What type of doll ? Like a collectors item?

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 11-Apr-19 23:55:56

I'm wondering about OCD or maybe a terrible relationship that comes out in this conflict.

ineedaholidaynow Fri 12-Apr-19 00:07:12

Does she help in any way round the house?

Would you rather she stays in her room?

Schlerp Fri 12-Apr-19 00:13:18

It sounds like normal life with a teenager who has found out what your buttons are and knows how to press them. It’s always a battle at 15. You’re the adult, don’t rise to it. She won’t be playing with her doll forever... unless she has an account similar to forest friends and has a massive internet following...

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Fri 12-Apr-19 00:28:37

When I think of what I was doing at 15... you literally have to sweep through a room: move a table and chair, open a shutter and move a doll. You don't have to clean up vomit, rehang a door because it's been banged too hard, buy a new telly because someone (still unknown 30 years later) vommed down the back of it...

Pick. Your. Battles.

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