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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

Do I go my mother in laws wedding?

106 replies

kahmN88 · 26/03/2019 19:52

Iv been with my DP for 4 years now we both have kids he has 2 (age 8 & 9) I have 2 (age 9 &10) He moved in with me 3 years ago and his kids stay every wknd. His mum is getting married in 3weeks my DP and I got a all day invite but no invite for my children! Kids have been invited to the wedding they’ve even arranged a candy cart and children entertainment for the kids, My DP is best man and his daughters bridesmaids. I just think that my kids should have had an invite to the wedding as we have been together so long.

OP posts:

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Chocolateisfab · 26/03/2019 19:56

What a nasty woman.
What does your dp say about it?

Contraceptionismyfriend · 26/03/2019 19:58

I'd double check that they are not invited first!
Did she just name the two of you as the adults assuming you'd know the invite extended to them?

If she has deliberately excluded them then I would go scorched earth. She would no longer be a thought in my head. Also I would expect your partner to step up and voice his disgust.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 26/03/2019 20:07

Does she know your children very well? If she is having a big wedding with lots of kids then she should definitely have invited yours. You, dp and all the kids are a unit. OTOH, if it is a small wedding she might only want kids she is close to.
Weddings make it very clear who people consider to be family. Mil thinks of your DC as her son's girlfriend's children not her grandchildren or part of her own family. I'm not sure I'd be offended by that because definition of family can be subjective but then I wouldn't see mil as my family either, only dp's.
Go if you want to and have easily available childcare but not if you don't or CBA.

kahmN88 · 26/03/2019 20:25

Thanks for your comments🙂 It is a big wedding 100 daytime 300 at night, my DP’s ex MIL has been invited to full day and there is a lot of children going. My DP asked me last week if I had a babysitter that’s when I hit home that my DC weren’t invited. I haven’t said anything to my DP yet as I don’t know if I should go

OP posts:

adulthumanwolf · 26/03/2019 20:26

How much time does MIL spend with your DC?

Are they well behaved?

Redshoeblueshoe · 26/03/2019 20:30

What his xmil is invited but not your DC
That's dreadful

SandyY2K · 26/03/2019 20:31

Does she really know your kids? I think expecting an invite is presumptuous. Don't ask for an invite for them.

Make babysitting arrangements or don't go

It's about the relationship the bride or groom has with the guests. I'm guessing she doesn't really have a relationship with your kids.

If your kids were having a party with grandparents there, would you really invite MIL. Would they recognise her if they saw her in the street...not with your DP.

I do think expectation are unrealistic about Stepchildren at times.

She's not nasty.

Chocolateisfab · 26/03/2019 20:31

She obviously give zero importance to your dc /your relationship with your dp.
If your dp is accepting of her thoughtlessness it's clear where he got his manners from..
Not sure I would be hanging around such a family for much longer...

lunar1 · 26/03/2019 20:35

Sod that! No chance I'd go.

doodleygirl · 26/03/2019 20:36

We are also part of a blended family, hell would freeze over before I would accept an invitation which includes some of the DC and not the others. Part of blending is others understanding you are a family unit.

However, I think the biggest issue is your DP, he obviously doesnt think your DC are part of his family.

WhiteCat1704 · 26/03/2019 20:39

So your DP lives with you and your children? How close is he with them? Does his mother have anything to do with them?

Disfordarkchocolate · 26/03/2019 20:41

I wouldn't be attending, regardless of if she thinks your children are her family or not, she shouldn't show it when children of that age live with her son. I'd plan a nice day out with my 2 children and ignore and comments you get.

Rtmhwales · 26/03/2019 20:44

I wouldn't be going, no.

LuluBellaBlue · 26/03/2019 20:45

Wow that’s horrid, definitely speak to your partner and find out what’s going on?

Awrite · 26/03/2019 20:47

No, you don't go.

kahmN88 · 26/03/2019 20:50

My DP is great with my DC taking them to clubs and doing what he can to help. My MIL has never been in my house she has been invited. she has met my DC a couple of time, I had never been invited to family gatherings like house party’s or bbq. My first invite was November 2018 when she proposed to him so it’s been difficult to get my dc to bond with MIL but my kids are well behaved and well mannered

OP posts:

AutumnCrow · 26/03/2019 20:51

My DP asked me last week if I had a babysitter that’s when I hit home that my DC weren’t invited. I haven’t said anything to my DP yet

I genuinely don't understand how you've not said anything.

cookingonwine · 26/03/2019 20:51

Gosh how bloody rude ... no I wouldn't be going and I would be pissed off if my DH went with his kids .... he has moved into your home and his kids come to stay at your house and your kids haven't been accepted by his own mother? Sod that for a laugh ...

Contraceptionismyfriend · 26/03/2019 20:56

So at no point has anyone actually clarified wether or not the children are invited?

Before kicking off and causing a drama why not text her now and just ask.

MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah · 26/03/2019 20:57

Well your dp sounds accepting of the fact that you haven't been invited to anything over the years if he still goes to them. Mil for whatever reason has kept you at arms length and probably feels inviting you to her wedding is enough. Your children aren't even on her radar by the sound of it. Would you not going be the end of any relationship you want to have with her? Tricky .

Tattybear16 · 26/03/2019 20:58

No you don’t go, your responsibility is to your kids. You stay with them. Explain to your DP that you are all family, and like my daughters favourite Disney movie, no one gets left behind. Tell him to have a great time, and explain to him in great detail how pissed off you are.

Figgygal · 26/03/2019 21:00

Your updates are awful Your dp is a shit for not sticking up for you

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woolduvet · 26/03/2019 21:06

Well I certainly wouldn't be going in that circumstance. So there's no room for 2 children in all those people.

AutumnCrow · 26/03/2019 21:11

Why didn't the conversation go:

DP: Have you got a babysitter yet for my mother's wedding?
OP: Eh? What are you talking about??

Contraceptionismyfriend · 26/03/2019 21:14

Also your husband now sounds like a dick. But I would want to pin her down on an absolute answer and then go mad. Get it in writing so she or he can't deny it.

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