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How would you answer this question from SC?

(33 Posts)
PIVOTT Mon 04-Mar-19 13:56:06

They asked me the other day why mummy isn't invited to mine and DPs wedding.

I'm just wondering what some of you would say in response to that?

They are 5&7.

We were in the middle of something at the time so they got distracted before I answered but I was thinking afterwards that I couldn't really think of a child appropriate answer if they were to ask again!

OP’s posts: |
troubleswillbeoutofsight Mon 04-Mar-19 13:57:24

Could you just say lightly that Mummy wouldn't enjoy it?

BikeRunSki Mon 04-Mar-19 13:58:58

Because Mummy used to be married to Daddy/in a relationship with Daddy, and she would be sad watching him get married to someone else.

PIVOTT Mon 04-Mar-19 14:02:05

BikeRunSki well the last thing I want to do is make them think we are making their mum sad! They have taken it all extremely well and are excited to be involved, I don't want to create concerns for them over mummy being sad.

Also, I don't believe that's actually true. She's in a relationship herself and seems very happy for us (we all get on perfectly fine).

OP’s posts: |
Motherofcreek Mon 04-Mar-19 14:04:18

Pivot could you just say you think she maybe really busy that day?

SweetButaPsycho Mon 04-Mar-19 14:32:39

I would just say that mummy was busy having a nice day with her own partner that day.

C0untDucku1a Mon 04-Mar-19 14:35:01

Mummy was at daddy’s first wedding and so doesnt need to see it again? grin

Or just she is busy that day?
Theres no room?

Or invite her and she can look after the sc?

Katterinaballerina Mon 04-Mar-19 14:36:16

‘Mummy was at daddy’s first wedding and so doesnt need to see it again?‘

I love this grin

L0kiWh0 Mon 04-Mar-19 14:37:55

Are they flower girls /pageboys?

Fwiw we invite dsd mum and nan to our wedding as they were flower girls and we’re excited, and thought their mum should see them, but it depends on what type of relationship you have with her.

QueenofallIsee Mon 04-Mar-19 14:38:57

We have had similar, we just said that it’s not a party for Mummy, it’s a party for Daddy and Step-Mum...they were fine

PIVOTT Mon 04-Mar-19 14:43:37

grin we can't use that as they were never married so it's DPs first wedding!

I think I'll probably just go with the busy idea if they ask again.

It just got me thinking because I hadn't anticipated the question and was kind of stuck!!

We do get along fine but it's not the kind of relationship where I'd particularly want her at my wedding and I know DP wouldn't agree either. They do co parent well but he doesn't particularly 'like' her due to issues they had.

OP’s posts: |
CanILeavenowplease Mon 04-Mar-19 17:21:05

Because Mummy used to be married to Daddy/in a relationship with Daddy, and she would be sad watching him get married to someone else

Why? Why would you even begin to think that reasonable?

NorthernSpirit Mon 04-Mar-19 17:43:12

Because it wouldn’t be right for mummy to be there.....

PIVOTT Mon 04-Mar-19 17:47:50

NorthernSpirit I feel like that would just lead to 'why?' though.

OP’s posts: |
PotteringAlong Mon 04-Mar-19 17:49:17

I think, if you all get on well and she’s happy for you, why isn’t she invited is a reasonable question. Why don’t you invite her?

PotteringAlong Mon 04-Mar-19 17:50:46

Right, just seen that you don’t want her there. I missed that bit. Then I’d go with “mummy’s busy”.

moofolk Mon 04-Mar-19 17:54:02

But why isn't she invited, really? It's a reasonable question and she's probably wondering that herself.

ItStartedWithAKiss241 Mon 04-Mar-19 17:56:24

grin Mummy was at Daddy’s first wedding grin
My children have never known their dad and I to be together as we separated when they were babies. They stumbled upon a photo of me in a wedding dress with my Grandad at his house and said “Wow Grandad! I didn’t know you used to be married to my mum!” grin

moofolk Mon 04-Mar-19 17:58:07

I think it's disingenuous to say mummy is busy if you haven't invited her because you don't want her there.

You need to have a word with the ex.

PIVOTT Mon 04-Mar-19 17:58:34

You really think my DPs ex is wondering why she isn't invited to our wedding?? I honestly don't believe she would be expecting an invite.

We get on fine in terms of them parenting the children, speak at pick ups and drop offs, no drama or anything. We aren't friends though, her and DP do not speak really other than about the children.

In the circumstances, I would certainly not expect an invite to her wedding if roles were reversed.

OP’s posts: |
PIVOTT Mon 04-Mar-19 18:22:39

I guess I just think, knowing our relationship, she'd be a bit hmm to get an invite and I probably wouldn't feel incredibly comfortable about it either if in being totally honest.

Yes we get on fine for the sake of the kids and there's been no dramas like you see on here sometimes but we aren't super friendly or anything and only ever speak when it's about the children.

She did say she was happy for us but it was just a text to say 'just heard the news about you and Pivott, congrats I'm happy for you both!'

OP’s posts: |
BlingLoving Mon 04-Mar-19 18:33:35

Can't you say it's because at your wedding you invite people who are your friends and who are related to you and that their mummy is wonderful, but she's not related to you or DP and you're not friends together, you're parents together? If they can understand it, you could also point out all the other people in your lives who aren't friends or related (don't use the word family I suspect) eg work colleagues, teachers, parents at the school gates, postman etc.

I mean, basically, that's a sort of age appropriate way of telling the truth which is that she isn't your friend and just because she's in your life you don't have to invite her.

HollowTalk Mon 04-Mar-19 18:36:59

Who the hell are all these people who think the OP should invite her fiance's ex to their wedding?

FanSpamTastic Mon 04-Mar-19 19:24:29

I think I'd maybe talk to their mum or ask your DP to, and ask what she suggests? They may we'll have asked her the same question and it would be good if you all gave the same answer.

So if she has said or would say "I'm busy that day" - then go with that.

funinthesun19 Mon 04-Mar-19 19:24:40

Because Mummy used to be married to Daddy/in a relationship with Daddy, and she would be sad watching him get married to someone else

Projecting by any chance?

I can’t think of any reason why a stepparent would willingly tell their stepchildren that. And what if it opens a can of worms and makes the children start worrying about their parent being upset and they start becoming withdrawn from the wedding preparations and the wedding itself because they don’t want to upset their parent?
Stupid idea for so many reasons!

I’d just say she’s busy

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