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Step-parenting

Meeting DPs children for the first time

14 replies

MrsBellamy · 09/02/2019 23:12

Just as the title says really. Next Saturday I will be meeting DPs children for the first time. They are 9yo and 5yo.
I'm feeling a bit nervous, any tips about how to approach it would be gratefully received.

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Itsallpeachyfornow · 10/02/2019 07:50

How exciting.. Where are you all meeting? I would say not to overthink, be yourself, be friendly and you cannot go far wrong

The first time I met my partner's then 6 year old I asked a lot about her and what she enjoyed, take it at a steady pace their is no rush

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MrsBellamy · 10/02/2019 12:42

I think DP and I will be picking them up at their mums house since she would like to see me too.
I think the plan is to go bowling or something, we will only have them for a couple of hours because they are going to their cousins party that afternoon too.
They already know quite a bit about me. I also have DC but we thought it would be less overwhelming for me to meet them on my own before we introduce DC to each other.

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mathsquestions · 10/02/2019 12:44

Bowling is a good idea. Nice and relaxed. Be interested in them and enjoy.

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IncrediblySadToo · 10/02/2019 12:51

How long have you been together?

Have they met any/many other women between their parents splitting up and now?

Does your DP always do things the way his ex would like?!

I think picking them up from home and meeting his ex wife all in one go is making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. I think it’s better for him to pick them up, take them ‘bowling’ and to say ‘MrsB’ is going to meet us there’. It’s making you part of their plans rather than this big meeting. You can go with him to pick them up after a couple of times of meeting them out and it doesn’t need to be a big thing. You can meet his ex wife then too. She doesn’t need to meet you before you go bowling for a couple of hours.

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ChrisPrattsFace · 10/02/2019 12:53

I don’t remember meeting my step dad, but my brother does.
He bought us McDonald’s and was lots of fun apparently! 😂 bowling sounds fun - you can cheer in the right places and support them, commiserate if they miss etc. And there’s always tasty snacks at the bowling!
Good luck OP, be yourself and it will go well!

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Itsallpeachyfornow · 10/02/2019 15:52

Sounds like a lovely plan and not too much pressure as it's in a fun environment.

How do you feel about meeting their mum? I like the idea of meeting first and starting on good terms.. I think it shows the children you are all friendly and adult about the situation.

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MrsBellamy · 10/02/2019 19:41

It's quite an unusual circumstance we have only been together for 5 months so while I know it is early he has been very close to my family for my whole life, we spent a lot of time together as children etc so we already knew each other very well before we starting seeing each other.
He has never been with anyone other than his ex since his children were born, so this whole thing is new to them too.
I've already met her in the past, at a family party when they were still together, she feels that if I'm to be around their kids then we should at least be friends, which I agree with.
He has said that if I'm not comfortable going to the house to get the kids then I can meet them after he has collected them, I haven't given an answer either way yet, so I might not go to the house still unsure how I feel about it.

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MrsBellamy · 10/02/2019 19:44

I should have also mentioned that it's a fairly long distance relationship, and mor soften than not he comes to mine so there won't be many opportunities to meet with the ex if I don't meet her at the weekend. As pp said I think it will help the kids to see that we are all happy about the situation.

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Patchworkpatty · 10/02/2019 20:03

I agree, it's always so much easier for the children if you can all have a cooperative relationship.
Don't worry about the 5 months issue. Although the MN mafia will probably plough in with the number for social services for not waiting the dictated six month minimum! . (My DH Met mine 6 weeks in and me , his at nearly 3 months)
I would bite the bullet and get it done with .
Enjoy the bowling!

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MrsBellamy · 10/02/2019 20:21

@Patchworkpatty thanks, I was expecting MN mafia after revealing the timescales. Thanks I'm sure it will all be fine

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spritesobright · 20/02/2019 10:54

MrsBellamy how did it go? I read your post earlier but didn't reply at all. I'm curious as I'll be in a similar situation soonish.

We have agreed to wait 6 months even though DP'd ex has already introduced kids to her new boyfriend.

This prompted DP to "come clean" about us when the kids asked him.

I feel like my DC are not ready yet though because they recently asked when their Dad is coming back.

It's all so complicated the second time around.

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MrsBellamy · 20/02/2019 12:11

It went really well, DP picked the kids up and then picked me up and we took them bowling.
His daughter was quite quiet and spent a lot of time on her dad's knee etc his son was very lively and although he didn't talk much he was carrying on with me and giving high fives when he hit a good shot at bowling etc.
It seemed like they had fun, I didn't chat to them a whole lot because I didn't want to feel like I was quizzing them.
DP then dropped them off and we spent the weekend together (long distance relationship atm so we only get EOW together) but when he went to see them the next day his ex prompted the kids to tell him what they said about me and they said that they liked me I was very nice and beautiful and they liked how their dad and I smile at each other. Which was very very sweet, and I really appreciate that his ex prompted the discussion, she's clearly dealing with it really well and I'm sure that helps the kids get their heads around it too.
They are coming to stay at mine for the weekend next week to meet my children and they are very excited about it.

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spritesobright · 20/02/2019 12:44

Ah, that's brilliant to hear and very encouraging for you. I felt quiet when I met DP's family (not kids) so I'm not surprised his daughter was. I'm sure she'll warm up.
And what a relief that his ex seems to want to encourage a good relationship between you and the kids. That's really reassuring.
I can imagine feeling slightly jealous if my kids told me how 'beautiful and nice' my ex's new girlfriend was but the fact that she didn't mind really says a lot about her.
In my case, my ex's new partner is also the other woman so I won't be dealing with it nearly as well (at least not on the inside).

That's great all the kids are looking forward to a weekend together. Sounds like fun!

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NewLevelsOfTiredness · 20/02/2019 13:16

To be honest if their mum encouraged them to repeat the nice things they'd said about you, that's very promising.

I'm guessing things are pretty amicable between your partner and his ex?

Enthusiastic high-fives are definitely a good sign, and it sounds like you respected the daughter's need to be reassuring close to her dad.

I hope it continues so positively :)

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