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Boyfriends sons mother being awful

(40 Posts)
Babymamadrama24 Tue 29-Jan-19 14:34:56

So here’s the situation,

My partner and I have been best friends for over 2 years, and together for just over 6 months. He has a 10 year old son from a previous relationship, that ended a couple months before we got together.
My partner and I are in the process of moving in together, but his ex and the mother of his child is refusing to let me meet his son.
Not only is she letting me not meet his son, but she’s stalking my social media, putting posts up about me and being really nasty and personal on her social media about me and her ex.
Boyfriends son [redacted] now knows about me because my boyfriend told him as he was the only one who didn’t know!
He was so happy for his dad, and straight away was asking to meet me - but he’s not allowed as his mum has said no!
My boyfriend has 50/50 custody - and in fact has [redacted] more than the mother - and the mother has had a parade of men in the 8 months they have been broken up - all of whom have met [redacted]!!!
Every time my boyfriend brings up me meeting him, or saying it’s going to happen she threatens to take him to court or stop access!!’

I don’t know how we can fix this, and how to stop her doing it.
I’m also 3 months pregnant, and the stress of not being able to meet the other most important person in my boyfriends life is unbearable!!
Should I reach out to her? She is refusing to meet me, and has called me so many horrible names and made judgments about myself and my family!

*This post was edited by MNHQ

OP’s posts: |
lunar1 Tue 29-Jan-19 14:44:53

Why would you move in with a man whose child you haven't met? I've never heard anything so ridiculous. You are setting everything up to fail from the outset.

Just because the mum has had lots of boyfriends doesn't mean it's ok for his dad to force a new relationship on him so quickly. It's not a competition to see who can screw up a childhood the most.

Giesabreak Tue 29-Jan-19 14:49:21

Well, her behaviour in social media is obviously unacceptable.

However, you and your partner are acting very irresponsibly. Pregnant and moving in when you haven't even met his son? Advice on here is usually not to even introduce kids til at least six months! What's the rush to move in? Landing a sibling on him in this situation is ridiculous enough. Poor kid.

ISmellBabies Tue 29-Jan-19 14:55:16

Is she pissed off because you are lying and are obviously the ow? Or is she pissed off because you're telling the truth and the pair of you are so irresponsible that you got pregnant 3 months into a 6 month relationship and are now moving in with no regard to the impact on their child? Nobody sounds good in this at all.

Bluestitch Tue 29-Jan-19 14:56:06

What a mess. And why is there always a pregnancy?? If I've worked it out right up until 8 months ago this child (I hope you haven't used his real name) was living with both parents full time. He's gone from that to 50-50 care, new boyfriends, new girlfriend and half sibling on the way. What a selfish pair BOTH parents sound.

HarperIsBazaar Tue 29-Jan-19 14:58:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ifoundthebread Tue 29-Jan-19 14:59:34

She's probably still hurting, the fact their son is 10 and they've been split 8 months, he's been with you 6 months and your already trying to play happy families moving In together and having a baby. How about slow down and back off, there's no major rush for his son to meet you, regardless of what happens at his mother's house.

ifoundthebread Tue 29-Jan-19 15:00:27

And how have you never met his son if you have been best friends for 2 years?

Tootzatwhoa Tue 29-Jan-19 15:01:08

My mother never allowed me to meet the OW. Thank God! Homewrecker

rainflowerstar Tue 29-Jan-19 15:01:47

The only home wrecker is the man who leaves the home.

Giesabreak Tue 29-Jan-19 15:02:18

Bizarre set up all round. Dad has the child more than 50/50 but you haven't met him, so you can't be spending much time with the dad, but have decided to live together already. Yet, you also say you and the dad have been best friends for two years. Again, quite odd that you haven't met the child of your best friend in that time. Some exaggerating somewhere, I'm guessing.

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo Tue 29-Jan-19 15:02:21

Please tell me that isn’t your bf’s son’s actual name? If it is you need to contact mumsnet immediately and have the post altered. It is incrdibly irresponsible to share a child’s name on here, not to mention since he’s not even your child beyond inappropriate.

Elfinablender Tue 29-Jan-19 15:02:46

You've only been together six months, of course she isn't fussed about you playing house with her kid.

rainflowerstar Tue 29-Jan-19 15:03:06

Your partners ex has no say who his son is around on his time so speak to your partner about arranging to meet his son. Block his ex on all social media and ignore any statuses she puts up about you.

IVEgottheDECAF Tue 29-Jan-19 15:06:48

You need to slow down op

You have been together six months

And it does sound like your 'friendship' may have influenced their split

vuripadexo Tue 29-Jan-19 15:08:29

And how have you never met his son if you have been best friends for 2 years?

this

LovingLola Tue 29-Jan-19 15:09:40

Why bring another baby into this shit show
These thread are depressingly common ...

SummerGems Tue 29-Jan-19 15:13:59

You’ve been “best friends” for two years during which time he was still with someone else,then split from the ex and got together with you, got you pregnant and you’re moving in together all within the space of six months having never actually met his child and you’re wondering why the ex isn’t keen? Really? Are you really that stupid?

Leaving aside the possibility that your <ahem> friendship was likely part of the reason for his leaving the marriage, you have both been incredibly irresponsible in getting pregnant before you’d even met his son.

And don’t be kidding yourself that the son was incredibly happy for his dad. Yes he may have been enthusiastic about meeting you etc, but there is no way on earth he was incredibly happy about it. Not a chance in hell.

I suggest the two of you grow the hell up and start thinking about how you’re going to play this one for the next eight years or so. And how you’ll feel when your partner moves on and introduces the next woman of the hour to your child after he’s helped her conceive its replacement.

Meanwhile I believe the jeremy kyle show are looking for contestants.

Elfinablender Tue 29-Jan-19 15:15:18

Why bring another baby into this shit show

Wait, I know this one...
It was an accident
She could never abort
Besides, they are in love
This is a completely different relationship to the one her dp abandoned 8 months ago that is in no way related to their two year 'friendship'
This shit will never happen to her kid.

Giesabreak Tue 29-Jan-19 15:17:00

You forgot - "I had been told I was unlikely
to ever conceive" wink

Spanglyprincess1 Tue 29-Jan-19 15:21:20

Op it's too late to change timing and timeframes they are what they are now, though less than ideal. Also ignore comments from.other assuming you are the ow.
The ex isn't going to be happy given the timing but again it so what it is.
You urgently need to meet his son given moving in/baby. His ex has no rights to dictate that you cannot do so, provided there are no child protection issues in play.
Your aprtner needs to let her know your moving in together and therefore you will meet him so it's better for his welfare that this is before that occurs.
So slow and be gentle and make sure he ahs time alone with his dad as that's who he is there to see not you. Also don't expect him to live you off the bat or be happy nessisarily.
If his ex attempts to block acess then it will be court and mediation , which is costly and a slow process but is an option open to your partner.
Congrats on the pregnancy

NewStyleFor2019 Tue 29-Jan-19 15:22:07

So you were best friends for 2 years but never met his son before you got together?

Spanglyprincess1 Tue 29-Jan-19 15:22:33

Sorry for all the typos!

Giesabreak Tue 29-Jan-19 15:25:20

You urgently need to meet his son given moving in/baby.

There is absolutely no necessity to move in.

Anuta77 Tue 29-Jan-19 16:33:07

Even if the OP is the OW, if they both decided to move in together and have a baby, it's stupid to prevent the child from meeting her. Telling him that she's the OW, making him feel bad is only going to hurt him. I know a couple where the both fell in love with each other while being in other relationships and they both entertain good relationships with their exes despite knowing about the adultery, for the sake of the kids. And they let go of the ego.
Having said this, I agree that all this is a bit too fast and the ex is surely feeling bad. The boyfriend needs to talk to her nicely, but that doesn't help always. One day, the dust will settle, you have to take responsibility for the situation.

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