Hello,
First I'd just like to give a little heads up about our blended family - you have myself (Mum), My fiance, my 12 year old daughter and my two step children (B&G). We have his two children every other weekend. We live in a two bed and were crying out for space. We are looking for a 3 bed, as my daughter has to share her room when they stay. They have two wardrobes in her bedroom for clothes but do not play in there as their toys are kept elsewhere.
My fiance and daughter have been butting heads a lot lately with the change in my once calm child to a hormonal pre teen its taken us all by surprise. Whilst my daughter kicks off at the slightest hint of her turning off her Youtube and cleaning her room or bringing down her washing (all pretty standard stuff) she feels that my fiance should be seen and not heard. He should not be allowed to ask her to clean her room or bring her clothes down. Now that isnt to say that my fiance's way of dealing with this, to give her the 'cold shoulder' when she's played up is helping any because its just fuelling her resentment for him. She feels that things were different before he moved in 3 years ago. They were. .... she was 8/9 and if you asked her to do something she would without the drama.
I will say it hasn't always been like this since he's moved in... they got on really well in the beginning, the honeymoon period I guess. They got on so well that she has asked to change her surname to his when we marry this year.
We have tried sitting her down and talking through problems, creating family rules together, talking about respect giving and receiving! but days later we are back to it. Whilst I can see points from both sides I cannot get it to work. i'm not expecting a magic wand and suddenly everything is fantastic ....I would honestly settle for civil at least you can build on that.
I know I cannot make my daughter change her hormonal ways and I know that I can only talk through my fiances parenting responsibilities but there has to be a way where both parties feel listened to and their opinions respected without it being a take my side situation. I don't want to loose my child or my fiance. I would never put my future above my child anyway but I don't want it to get to the point where either of those seems inevitable.
I am thankful for the fact that there is nothing more sinister going on ... no drink , drugs or abuse etc Just normal family life.
Any advice would be warmly welcomed, even if its just to say I'm not alone ...i get it... it get what your dealing with. Honestly that would be a help.
Frustrated and emotional,
Mum x
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user1476360720 · 23/01/2019 16:34
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