This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Step siblings equality at Christmas(11 Posts)
Myself and my partner have 2 children each, all living under one roof, although my 2 boys have contact and time spent with their father. My partners children lost their mother a few years ago and dont have much contact with their mothers family as they all live in France. We have had a discussion this evening about whether the Christmas stockings should have equal amounts of gifts in them for the 4 children as they will open them together on Christmas morning. My 2 kids will have other presents from their father and his family, and because of this we spend a little less on them at Christmas, compared to my partners kids. We will open some presents on Christmas morning, before my boys go off to their father, and the remainder of my partners kids gifts will be spread out across the rest of the day and into Boxing Day. I don’t know if I’m being unfair by suggesting that they have equal amounts in their stockings as that’s usually small fun gifts that they’ll all open together or should they just be grateful for everything they have? Any one else in a similar dilemma over mixed families? ☹️
Unfortunately you won't be able to control it for ever it's a fact of life that you can't have everything in life as harsh as it can be trying to teach LO's so for that reason I'd say it doesn't have to be equal so long as you and your partner have spent the same on the kids that's fine but as I say you can't control the rest...
Treat all the children who will be in the same place at the same time the same. It sounds like your DH's children will already get their extra bits when your dc go to their dads, so it doesn't make sense for them to get different when you are all together.
Yes, same stuff when they are together. We make a big deal of Christmas being a 12-day event, so family members getting stockings on the 27th isn't unusual (their other family they are with on 24-26 doesn't do stockings).
This is all really helpful, thank you so much 😊
I have 3 kids with the same father. 1 is NC with him and gets nothing for birthday/Xmas while the others do. I've thought about his conundrum and decided to spend the same on them.
All kids get the same from us in this house. We split whatever we have among them equally. What DSC get with their DM is up to her. My DS is still really little so it doesn’t really matter to him yet but I wouldn’t give him more. DS lives here with us full time so will get all the upsides of that.
I agree, all children should receive the sane otherwise it opens a can of worms for later as there will always be one child that gets more than others in other ways.
I’m another supporter of them all receiving an equal amount because otherwise, you aren’t treating them fairly (albeit I can understand your concern and reasons).
I think the kids without a mum (I presume she’s dead?) should get as much as your kids. They don’t have one parent, they have two (you!!) and so you need to make up the difference. It’s up to you whether you choose to do that via gifts or some special outing just for them.
I think it sounds fair to give equal amounts in stockings then slightly less to your kids on other presents as they’ll get some from their dad. As you say stockings are lower value things.
My DSD gets a lot from her mum and step dad, mums family, step dads family, as well as DHs family so we don’t give her as much at Christmas as DD only gets from us, my family and DHs family.
In some ways I think of the extra gifts DSD gets as one of the few positives of separated parents as it is quite hard for her but I also think it’s fair to try and proportion gifts out.