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Stepson does little around the house..(4 Posts)
My 16yr old step son's father and I agreed that it was important for him to do some jobs around the house. He was tasked with putting the bins out, and to do his fare share of the washing up.
However, this never seems to happen, because his father makes excuses for his son and does it for him. The excuses range from, 'its going to rain later so thought I'd put the bins out now' .. 'I've got nothing to do, and he's got his friends over'.
I don't know why it irks me so much. But it does.
I don't have children of my own, but I know that my partner and I both did chores and had more responsibility than my step son is encouraged to have (Not only that, I left home at 16) . My step son is bright, but he has very little common sense and practical skills, and I think he should be encouraged to do more so that he improves in these areas.
I always feel a nag when I suggest that my partner should step back and encourage his son to do more.
I have a theory, that this is what I call 'divorce parent's guilt'; parents are keen to make everything fun and easy in case they want to go back to the other parent, or they send negative reports back to the mother...
My step son is willing to pull his weight, its just that his dad feels "bad" about him having to do it. My partner and I have discussed it on numerous occasions, and at the time he agrees with me, but he never maintains this view. I feel its the only thing that can cause discord between us.
Any suggestions on how I manage this would be appreciated.
I don’t see what you can do to change it though? It’s your DP/DH who is the problem, and it’s you who is irritated so I guess have it out with him or learn to live with it?
FWIW I would be irritated too.
If your step son us willing but his Dad undermines the plan would it work to just ask him to do tasks as and when?
So he'd be contributing and learning some skills,but if you are saying to him "DS,can you Hoover now please?" then he could get on and do it without his Dad getting the chance to take over.
Does your SS live with you and his Dad?