Long time lurker first time asker.
My dss is 10, and I’ve been in his life since he was 6. Historically he would come flying into our bedroom every morning when he’s here for contact, and when he was younger I didn’t mind, he was only small. As he got older I got more uncomfortable with it, as he climbed into bed with us and lay between us (we have a great relationship and I love him to bits...BUT I sleep in my undies and a t shirt. I’m his stepmum so I feel it’s inappropriate as he gets older especially as I didn’t give birth to him. I also don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable because of my choice of sleepwear so I try to wiggle away and sneak pj bottoms on). So when he was 9 I asked him to start knocking in case I was sleeping with my bum hanging out of bed (appealing to his love of toilet humour). He sort of knocks but to be honest it’s more of a opening and knocking simultaneously.
Anyhoo me and DH have been ttc (we broached the subject of dss having a little brother or sister as a possibility when we married and he was excited). I’m now pregnant though it’s very early days. I would like to ask DSS to not come through to us every morning, NOW, so he doesn’t associate this with the new baby. That way when we start sharing news of the pregnancy a few months down the line he hopefully won’t feel pushed out by impending arrival. As I get bigger and heavier I will want more privacy and chances are I’ll want to fling the sheets off when hot etc and when baby arrives I will want privacy In bed to breastfeed. I feel like sorting this out now and just explaining it as I want privacy in the mornings to get dressed and stuff is better, and that when I’m sorted I’ll open the bedroom door and he’s welcome to come through. I have also noticed when he snuggles up to me when watching tv he sort of touches my breasts and I mentioned it to DH but genuinely don’t know if he’s unaware he’s doing it or if he’s being inappropriate without realising as he is getting to tween age. So as I am not the woman who gave birth to him and don’t have that biological connection I want to establish some kind of boundary now really. Is what I’ve suggested ok?? I have also told dss he’s more than welcome to go down on his own and watch his cartoons on tv if he’s up and about before us but he doesn’t do this (when I was his age having the tv to myself of a morning was glorious). Really want to strike a healthy balance between decent privacy for me and establishing bond between dss and his sibling so any experience /advice much appreciated.
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How to ask dss (10) for privacy ahead of new baby
112 replies
Yabbadabbadoooo · 18/11/2018 08:21
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