Sleeping Arrangements for SD, DS and Baby

[Tia12]

I’m just looking for a bit of advice really, we have a 3 bedroom house, 1 bedroom downstairs and 2 upstairs, no attic as it’s a dorma bungalow. My husband and I currently have the downstairs bedroom, my 12 year old SD has the larger room upstairs with small en-suite (she sleeps over 1 night a week) so we have also used this room as a guest room for when my parents/family come to stay (they live 7 hours away). We have a sofa bed in the lounge which at the moment SD enjoys the novelty of getting to sleep on when they visit. My 3 year old DS has the smaller upstairs bedroom. It has worked well so far (been in the house 3 years now) however we now have a baby boy on the way and I am trying to figure out the best sleeping arrangements for everyone. Any advice would be much appreciated 😊

[Mondaytired]

If your DSD only sleeps once a week might make more sense for her to be in the smaller room... and DS3 to share with new born?
Realistically new born won’t be in the room till he’s what 6 months old?

[Penisbeakerismyfavethread]

2 boys in the big room?

[AuntMarch]

Step daughter has the choice of the smaller room or sharing with the baby. (Then you aren't just kicking her out of her space, but she won't fancy that! )

[IStandWithPosie]

How big is the smaller bedroom? Would it fit two singles or a bunk bed?

I’d want to keep the bedroom with ensuite for guests as an ensuite is very handy for guests and two little ones won’t really use it but if it in their room it prevents guests from using it once DC are asleep.

[Tia12]

The baby will be with us for first 6 months but I’m trying to plan long term, the small room that DS is in will only fit one person really, with space for small wardrobe and drawers/desk. I thought about SD in small room to herself (privacy etc) and two boys in the larger room but I was thinking the baby crying through the night will unsettle the 3 year olds sleep/routine? Plus would it be unfair to have the boys who live here 24/7 share a room while the other is empty 6 nights a week? Then I thought that baby could have small room and SD and DS could share big room - get 2 single beds and maybe try to divide it a bit and decorate each side? I’m so confused what to do for the best as I want things to be fair to everyone, due to financial restrictions moving to somewhere bigger just isn’t an option.

[Spam88]

Your SD is too old to expect her to share with your son. Both boys in the big room and step daughter in the little room. Possibly keep the baby in with you past 6 months if he's still waking a lot.

[IStandWithPosie]

Yes if baby isn’t sleeping through then keep him without you otherwise you’ll be traipsing up and down the stairs every time.

[IStandWithPosie]

with you.

[user1486915549]

If I was a 13 year old girl and was expected to share with a 3 year old boy I wouldn’t stay over any more.

[Willow1992]

We just moved and had a similar situation with my stepson 11, DS 4 and baby DD on the way. I think it's nice to give the older step child a choice. DSS had the choice to either take the small room or share the largest room with DS. He adores DS and was dead keen to share with him as it turned out so it's not always the mean option.

[Tia12]

Thanks for all advice and comments, I guess at the end of the day I know it’s a sensitive issue for SD and I want to make sure she doesn’t feel pushed out in any way. Our 3 year old is still waking through the night (once or twice) so we are up and down the stairs anyway, he is a very light sleeper. We decided to be downstairs as it felt safer for SD and DS to be upstairs and we didn’t want SD to feel left out if she was downstairs on her own at night. SD seems to be keen and happy with the idea of sharing but as she becomes a teenager I’m wondering if that might suddenly change, I think she likes having the bigger room with en-suite and doesn’t want to give that up even if it means sharing?

[redastherose]

Definitely give SD the choice. Keep current bedroom and share with baby until he's older or have smaller room on her own. You can look at the arrangement again when baby is older or if he is disturbing her too much. Don't kick her out of the big room or give you DC's both bedrooms she will feel pushed out and unloved if she is relegated to the sofa permanently.

[WhiteCat1704]

I'm not sure...as she is only st yours 1night per week she should share with someone..how about you give her babys room and have the baby sleep with you when she visits?

[Snappedandfarted2018]

Guidelines say children over the age of 10 should not share with the opposite sex so it would be massively inappropriate for her to share with her 3year old brother. The two boys need to share the bigger room and leave the smaller room for you’re dsd. Surely you thought about this before you tried for a baby?

[Buggeritimgettingup]

What guidlines!?

[SunnyintheSun]

According to the Canadian National Occpancy Standards children of opposite sexes over the age of 5 should not share a room! meteor.aihw.gov.au/content/index.phtml/itemId/386254

[TheVanguardSix]

I'm with the others.
The little ones share small room, keep SD in the bigger/guest room.
My two younger ones share a small room (now 8 and 4 years old).

You'll have time to work out the kinks since your little one will be sleeping in your room for a while. Ikea Trofast storage systems really allowed us to expand DD's room into a shared bedroom when our then-baby 'moved in'. Anyway, it's worked out really well over the years. They have a bunkbed (which DD shared with big brother when big brother shared a room with her years ago).

[TheVanguardSix]

guidelines.
Oy veh!

We work with what we have, OP. Don't let the guidelines brigade get you down.

[junebirthdaygirl]

My thought was the same as Whitecat. Baby with you for first 6 months. Baby in guest room in a cot after that but back to you for that one night a week.
Can eventually share with ds in big room in a few years.
Maybe by then sd couuld sleep downstairs?

[Snappedandfarted2018]

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/child-protection-system/legal-definition-child-rights-law/bedroom-sharing-moving-out/

[adaline]

Things can stay as they are for now, but eventually, put SD in the smaller room, baby and 3yo can share the larger room.

Please don't make your step-daughter share with a toddler/baby.

[Cherries101]

Baby with you until the 3 yo is able to sleep through the night. Your SD room remains as is.

[HouseworkIsASin10]

Give SD the option of smaller room upstairs, or larger room downstairs.
Either way she can't keep the large en-suite under the circumstances.

[Howdoyoudoit31]

SD goes in small room which then becomes a guest room when she’s not here and your two share the big room.

Or sd and 3 year old share and baby gets the small room.
Your SD can sleep on the new pull out sofa if she hates it.

[Tia12]

In response to one of the comments we have no intention of relegating SD to the sofa bed in the lounge, my husband and I (or my parents) are happy to sleep on the sofa bed when they visit but SD has wanted to for some reason, it’s quite new and she says it’s really comfy.
When we bought our house we had planned on extending the upstairs dorma to create an extra bedroom but have recently come to the decision that it might be taking too much of a financial risk to do so right now, however we still hope to be in a position to do so at some point in the future. I didn’t want to put ttc on hold because of this and have another huge age gap. Thank you for the link regarding sharing, I didn’t know this, does iit mean two children over 10 should not sharie if opposite sex, or just one of the children need to be over 10? My SD has her own room 6 nights week at her mothers home so I guess I didn’t think it would be too detrimental to share 1 night a week? I could perhaps move DS or baby out of the room for that night so that she can have more privacy? The small room is only big enough for one so the two boys couldn’t share that, but we could possibly get a make up bed in there for one night a week for DS to share with baby? Would that be fair to him? I just want everyone to be happy and comfortable.