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Me and my wife are looking for some advice on adoption.
We have three children, but the elder two are not biologically mine. They are 7 and 4.5 and their biological father walked out 4 years ago.
We want to bring the whole family together, and I would like to be legally recognised as their father! The children have called me daddy for years (without me or my wife asking them to)
I have the father's consent now, it took a while to get hold of the bugger!
We've had a meeting with social services and they have said that they will tell the children "do you know that daddy is not your daddy?"
Our 7 year old has not mentioned her sperm donor for over 3 years so we don't know if she's forgotten and our 4 year old has absolutely no idea (he was only 4 months old when the biological father walked out).
We are obviously going to sit them down one day and tell them what's happened but I don't want a stranger to say it to them.
Now, the lady from social services admitted she's never done an adoption before and doesn't know the whole ins and outs, and was actually reading off a script, but I just want to ask if anyone else has gone through this with young children?
Me and my wife planned to tell the children once they knew where babies come from etc, so it's easier to understand.
Can someone please give us any advice or guidance. We would be so appreciative.
Thank you for taking the time to read this
I would tell them as part of the conversation about how babies are made, with no big deal about it, just that a man and a woman make a baby, but that in their family the parents split up and you became their dad. You should try to keep it as an open topic of conversation, not a one off big reveal. So no need really to all sit down together if it would be more natural coming just from one or other of you, or possibly in more detail to the older child. And yes definitely talk about it to them before a poor social worker has to do it for you. As soon as possible so it's not new news to them when the social worker does speak to them.
I think current advice is that children are told as young as possible so that it’s not a surprise. Certainly at 7 and 4 they should know.