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pissed right off

(31 Posts)
Madlife Mon 22-Oct-18 09:15:43

Good morning, sorry if I'm starting moaning already. Is just that I am so drained. angry why is it ok for FM to go on holidays without the children when the aren't in school. But if I want to go for 3 days with my partner and my children without Dsc as they have school and my children are babies I am an insensitive b***? I am just pissed off the double standards for judging one person and the other totally different. I am complaining about my partner mainly lol. Don't know is anyone else only having discussions about step children? Is ruining my relationship was I feel like I can give a shot no more. I couldn't celebrate my 30th going 3 days because dsc mother couldn't be bothered to take the child that lives with us to school cuz she is a lazy ass. But I have to have her 2 children for 10days so she can go on holiday with her family? Without her kids? WTF?

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Lovelife12345 Mon 22-Oct-18 09:39:14

I completely feel for you and it never gets better sad we are going away next year without my step kids because my family have paid for mine ticket (I picked a cheaper holiday and partner is coming) and both resident kids are free. The issues we have had not taking them is obscene! However I will say that you will get attacked on here but mums.

Don't let it get to you, it's a battle we will never win. Keep your chin up, sit down and try and talk to him and explain. Also babies under 2 fly for free, and you can get one kids free place most holidays with Thomson etc (we did this so we haven't paid for the kids living with us) so it's not exactly unfair if you don't pay for yours anyways. But what you do in your time is Upto you both. You shouldn't be made to feel awful wanting to put your family first at times

lifeinpieces123 Mon 22-Oct-18 09:46:36

Sorry to hear that you can't go away for your birthday.

Who is the resident parent for your step children and what's the normal arrangement for childcare?

Snappedandfarted2018 Mon 22-Oct-18 09:49:32

Surely if you’re dc are living with you then you would take them with you away?

Madlife Mon 22-Oct-18 11:28:37

One lives with us apart from eow and Thursdays. we knew we were having them yesterday....

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Cherries101 Mon 22-Oct-18 12:35:19

They had a childfree holiday. You only want to take your kids (and exclude sc). That’s probably why you’re the badguy here. I’m sure nobody would have cared if you had a childfree holiday and left your kids with grandparents etc.

lifeinpieces123 Mon 22-Oct-18 12:36:54

Then I guess the other one lives with their mum and comes to you eow?

I think the resident parent has the responsibility to sort out childcare if they want to have get away by themselves. It will be nice that the other parent can be flexible and offer cover occasionally but he/she has every right to refuse to so.

DP I understand that 30s is a big birthday and you probably have been looking forward to it for quite a while. Can you arrange something nice local for the day and then go away with your dp and your babies on another weekend when step kids are with their mum (i.e. her contact times) so you don't have to ask her for a favour. Also next time when she wants to go away herself and expects you to cover for her, so NO!

Madlife Mon 22-Oct-18 12:38:06

I took my kids with me because I have no-one to look after them and I'm breastfeeding. I can't take the step kids out of school because is unlawful. I wish I could go without kids 😂 lol but it won't happen....

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LASH38 Mon 22-Oct-18 12:53:57

Did the kids mum take some of her children leaving the other behind?

Madlife Mon 22-Oct-18 12:55:28

It was in March so long gone. I just wanted my partner to understand that for her to want to do things without HER children is OK but If I want time without sdc is not OK hmm. I am having a tooth out tomorrow after a long day, and I really don't need to come back and not being able to put my pjs and sit on the sofa and rest. (as soon as sts2is up the sofa is his) and then sts2 joins him) I feel like I am the one that has to drop her children do all the bullshit and she just has to ask and everything has to be done. But if I want space in my house with my children is wrong? Also I won't book a holiday on the weekends we are supposed to have them but she does and everyone has to accommodate... She is going on holiday with all her family and she is not taking the kids. The sts2 was complaining. But it's OK... Thank you for all the replies. I am pissed off cuz I had to fly with 2 babies alone to be able to introduce my children to my family because for that woman was so hard to take the tube 30minutes to drop her son to school and so my partner couldnt come. But I have to be understanding and accommodate all bullshit. Sts2lives with us apart from Thursdays and eoweekend sorry. Maybe I'm overreacting but I am fed up of f******# princesses that can do nothing for their own children. Yes I have to pick them up drop them off. She can't prepare lunch for school when he is with her..... I just don't get it and the worse bit is that my doctor thinks that I complain because I don't like his children or something like that. He loves them and doesn't mind them at home 24/7. I understand but I need communication and no I need my space. I wake up at 5am having them up until 1 doesn't help specially when apart from sleeping little I wake up to feed through the night. Thank you for listening

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Madlife Mon 22-Oct-18 12:56:49

Actually yes. And they didn't have school either of them.

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LASH38 Mon 22-Oct-18 13:04:03

Gosh, why did she take some and not all? That’s harsh.

I can understand your partner not wanting to do the same to his kids, being left behind once while watching siblings go away must be tough. Can you not go away with your children and family or friend?

It sounds like you do a lot for your step children when they are primarily their dads responsibiity if at yours. Does he not take control of looking after them? Why does he expect you to do so much?

AliceRR Mon 22-Oct-18 13:09:20

I don’t think you are being unreasonable OP sounds like you do a lot and SMs do get a hard time of it sometimes

Madlife Mon 22-Oct-18 13:10:03

I don't think she has the same feelings for the child that lives with us. All her family went to London to see the fireworks at new-years eve and left him behind, crying.... So many times she has come to pick him up after not seeing him for 15days and not even a hug or a kiss... My children deserve to not miss out of his father. I don't have to struggle because she is LAZY. He does a lot. But if you work at night and then go to pick them up straight after work and them stay with them you are gonna fall asleep... But yes he is too soft and doesn't like confrontation. And with her is always hardwork. How can you complain in front of your child that you don't want to have him on Thursdays because u can't be bothered to travel to pick him up?

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AliceRR Mon 22-Oct-18 13:13:45

It sounds like the child that lives with you potentially misses out on all sides. That’s not your fault and I don’t think you’re wrong to want time with your DH and your own kids but I can’t help but feel for the child when his mother treats him like a second class offspring from the sounds of it!

LASH38 Mon 22-Oct-18 13:18:18

Gosh, that poor child.

When did this situation start? When did the child start living with you?

I do think it’s unreasonable for you to be looking after all four after a tooth extraction - is your partner not able to take time off?

You do an awful lot though, had it always been this way? What did dad do before you came along because mum clearly isn’t interested in her child.

Madlife Mon 22-Oct-18 13:21:37

Yes, I feel the same and that's why I try to do things but it isn't easy to have to deal with someone that doesn't follow the same rules at home. That have really bad habits from his mum side.. When I moved in with my partner he was not living with him. He will only come eoweekend. TBH if I knew my life was gonna be like this I would have never stayed with my partner. My partner is allowed to say my kids were so annoying today but I can't never say his son was annoying... Is just draining

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Strawberrylaceaddict Mon 22-Oct-18 13:25:04

Sorry I don’t agree, as a mother of a child that was left behind whilst his father and half brothers all went on holiday without him. He was distraught, I’ve never seen him so heart broken and genuinely thought they all hated him, and refused to speak to him or have contact for 8 weeks (he was 7). For me, it’s all of them or none of them while they are young (I’m assuming they are under, say 16) at which point I’d say that they should choose. I have a step child and wouldn’t even consider taking only my child but not my partners on holiday. I get they are your children, but your dsc, will they have a holiday otherwise? Mum will, dad will, brothers and sisters will but they don’t, because they are not yours?

Madlife Mon 22-Oct-18 13:29:45

He didn't work he couldn't. Sounds all the school runs to different schools, doctor appointments, look after them when sick, extra activities etc he would work bank at night when he could but now we can't afford that. His mum helps sometimes with my stchildren but then she complains because is not her job... Thank you for listening I feel allot better xxxxx

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Madlife Mon 22-Oct-18 13:34:50

They were taken by the grandmother to the Caribbean. So you are saying is OK for his mother to only take one of her children when they are all off school. But I can't take 2 days off when he is in school? I get what you say. That's why things need to be very well explained.

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Cherries101 Mon 22-Oct-18 13:55:33

@strawberrylaceaddict is spot on. There’s a child living with you right now who is being emotionally neglected. As the only mother figure in his life you owe it to him to include him. That means you should go away with him and your kids during a school holiday. I’m sorry this is hard to hear but at some point you have to let grudges go and think of the child.

LASH38 Mon 22-Oct-18 14:14:54

I’m not saying that it is ok for mum to only take 1 child, Assuming there isn’t a bigger story i think it’s heartless which is why I think dad (rightfully) does not want to do the same.

OP you seem quite focused on mum, you need to remember that you cannot change peoples behaviour you can only change how you react to it.

However, does you partner work nights and if so why is he not looking after the children after your tooth extraction? Or taking annual leave?

I don’t understand some of your posts - are you saying that previously dad didn’t work but did all school runs and appointments? Is that before or after his son moved in with you?

HeckyPeck Mon 22-Oct-18 16:05:56

I think it’s ok for you to take your kids away in school time, if you’re DH stays behind and looks after his kids. Maybe he can do something fun with them at the weekend.

I’d think it would be ok for you and DH plus babies to go away if the step kids got separate holidays with their DM and you could still have a family holiday.

Or for just you and DH to have a holiday together.

Given that the step kid has already been left out of one holiday I do think it would be very damaging for you, DH and the babies to go away without him and I wouldn’t want to be part of that myself.

swingofthings Mon 22-Oct-18 16:27:23

But madlife you did go. Its your OH who didn't and that's because he has responsibility. Yes it would have been lovely for him to join you but then surely if it was so important, his mum could have helped.

My oh goes skiing every year during term time. I would love to join him but I can't because I have children who are in school. That's life and he accepts it so even though he wishes I was there he knows that's how it is.

swingofthings Mon 22-Oct-18 16:27:55

By the way if your OH was a teacher, the situation would be no different.

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