No contact from step-son

[princess8]

Hi looking for advice/thoughts, me and husband met when both of our children were 10 and 11. We had one child each from previous relationships. Kids are now 19 & 20.

Initially kids got on great, then they had one row, we all spoke about the row, step son admitted he lied about her hitting him- we thought nothing of it, it wasn't a major row or so we thought...
From that day on my step son ignored my daughter as if she was invisible every time he came to stay with us.

We tried to address it several ways and years past still no joy. My daughter was feeling like there was something wrong with her and wandered why he treated her this way.
I tried desperately to talk to him, as too did his dad and we went out of our way to do everything we could for him. Yet inside I felt sad for my daughter who really tried over the years and was constantly met with being ignored.

Years passed there was little improvement and it all blew up one evening when they were about 17/18. we had all been out to our local with both kids and my daughters boyfriend. My step son sat on the picnic table with his back to my daughter, her boyfriend and me and ignored us all evening and it really was awkward/upsetting.

Now I feel quite frustrated as step son never comes to see us, We have seen him twice this year. He goes weeks without speaking to his father, who loves him dearly and he is a fantastic dad.

I know reading this it seems there must be a reason however I can honestly say I am baffled, he has a great dad, my daughter always accepted him as did I and we went out of our way to do everything we could I just don't get it. I don't know what else I can do to help my husband who is becoming increasingly upset by the situation.

[Harpingon]

Is there any possibility that he took the blame for the initial incident and has held resentment ever since? I only say this as I did exactly this as a young child alot just to stop the arguments. Just a thought..

[swingofthings]

Who knows maybe he has been covering for something your DD has done, maybe he resents her because he feels she's taken her father. Maybe she said something that was said in anger at the time but not really meant but it really hurt him and it's stayed with him.

At that age he won't be as much in contact, probably isn't as much with his mum either. Hopefully something will happen and he'll tun the page but in the meantime, you can't force him to like her sadly.

[Blendingrock]

Leave him to it. If he's unwilling to talk about it, you can't make him. Forcing the issue will only push him further away. All your DH can do is let him know that he loves him and the door is always open.

[Bananasinpyjamas11]

Difficult!

I’d say protect your DD. Make it very clear this is not nice behaviour in front of everyone. If he had his back to her all evening, I’d say ignoring people is rude, not nice and isn’t on. I’d keep saying this. You can’t control his actions, but you can expect people not to be excluded in your company.

[princess8]

Thank you for your thoughts, fair points maybe something did happen or was said and we are not aware. No child is an angel including mine!! All we can continue to do is make regular contact and like you say let him know we love him and our doors always open.

[Snappedandfarted2018]

Maybe he fancy’s her or might be she was nasty behind him when no one was in earshot.

[Cherries101]

It’s very possible there’s something going on that you don’t know about. Do you think they had a romantic history? Would explain some of what you’ve described.