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Really need help. Open to any ideas.(4 Posts)
I shall start by setting the scene. I have been with my OH for 2.5yrs now. He has a 12 year old son who I adore and from day one has been so accepting of me and has been keen for daddy to have a new girlfriend. Everything perfect.
Fast forward to now... a lot of changes have happened which is a lot to take in for a 12 year old. He's moved to secondary school, the boys have moved in with me (I had a bigger house), we got a new puppy, his dad changed jobs to one with more stable hours but longer hours (we have DSS every weekend and sometimes he wants to come during the week if we can arrange a late start at work to get him to school) we lost a pregnancy which he knew about at the beginning of the year, we're now pregnant again and due in December. DSS is excited that he has a brother on the way.... however....
The last 6 months or so he has started to become incredibly rude and disrespectful towards me. Every time he comes round there's fights and tantrums. Now that he's a little older we've started to introduce some rules and restrictions (to the Xbox) but I'd say it's pretty relaxed. Obviously most kids start the 'tweenage' years and everything becomes a little harder but I'm really struggling. I've tried to step back from implementing discipline as he doesn't seem to take it too well. My OH is a great dad and wants to do anything he can but it's really upsetting us all at the mo.
If he's rude, and someone pulls him up on it, he calls his mum and exaggerates what's happened and last weekend he got himself so wound up his mum came to pick him up at like 11pm, all because he's been rude to me and I'd told him to watch his tone. It then leads to the ex calling my OH and giving him an earful on how horrible and mean I am to her son etc. This is massively upsetting for me as I love their son and see him as my own. I've given him everything I can and I'm not sure how to make it better.
I'd love some advice because at 7 months pregnant I'd love a resolution or at least a plan. Because I don't want him alienating himself from me or us, because I'd love him to be super involved with his baby brother.
We've tried talking to him, my OH has tried talking to him, his mum and his dad have tried to sit down and set rules for both houses etc. But nothing seems to help. I'm desperate to get my little buddy back on side and I'm prepared to try anything. I don't want to start stepping back from the boys as it's going to be detrimental in the long run but I can't be this stressed at 7 months pregnant.
They act out, my dsd did this when I was heavily pregnant. It stopped a few weeks after baby was born and everything was more settled. She loves her youngest brother now but it was a cahnge for her not to be the baby as such anymore
Tbh you DP and his ex need to agree a parenting approach when ds acts up as only they can resolve it. Expecting basic manners from a child in your home is only the same as a school would expect, so your not being unreasonable. Just go slow and it will turn round - all kids go through the throwing their weight around for a short while.
@Spanglyprincess1 thanks for this. It gives me hope. I totally agree with the ex and OH using the same parenting style... however his ex is a complete nightmare and is trying to make life difficult for us. She's revelling in the current situation and keeps saying things like she'll 'save' her son from our house etc. They've been separated 10 years now but I don't think she likes that he's moved on! 🙈 I try to stay well out of it. And I think she's poisoning her son with mean comments about me too, which isn't helping.
Kids go through phases...just be kind and fair and consistent.
I know people who have been through similar and then step kids moved in full time as their mom was unkind. You reap what you so, just ensure consistent rules in your home with dp on side and ride it out.