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Feel sorry for my DPs child(9 Posts)
Just wanting some advice from other people in a similar situation
DPs child is 2 1/2, we have been together a year now and have had some troubles with his ExGF, recently we have learned that his Dc has gone home and said mummy in front of my name, he has made this mistake before and has always been corrected as we understand children can get confused, however DPs Ex has taken this the whole wrong way and turned up at our house and assaulted me while holding their child and made them cry l, she continues to make comments daily and last we picked him up for our usual cost she shouted at him ‘REMEMBER IM YOUR MUMMY NOT *’
DC hasn’t said this in front of us in a long time and always just uses my name but his ex can’t let it go, what would you do in this situation??
Wow. She's got some serious issues. Kids get confused all the time.
Heck I remember calling my teacher "Mum" in the middle of class when I was about 8! DP's ex needs to put her big girl panties on, deal with it and worry about something more important.
Assault, that's not ok, ever. DP needs to tell her to calm it down.
As for what you should do, absolutely nothing. It's her issue, not yours. Keep your dignity and carry on as you always have.
assaulted me while holding their child
What did you and your OH do about that?
I really sympathise. My partner’s child tried to start calling me Mum around two and I was honestly terrified I would get assaulted like you did. Anyway I didn’t feel it appropriate that she call me Mum, especially so young, so we worked to find a nickname for me and she latched onto it and she dropped the ‘mum’ing. Now half the world calls me by this nickname which I find surreal at times!
She’s now older and the ‘mum’ing has started up again a bit but now we can have a conversation about what it means and doesn’t mean so it seems less of an issue. The other day her dad said no to playing with something dangerous and she had a mini meltdown and started crying I want my mum. She looked at me and said - no, my real mum. So, while I’m not encouraging it or very keen on it, I’m way more relaxed now as she fully gets who everyone is and isn’t. I suspect there’ll be a reaction from her real mum at some point.
For the assault, have you considered logging a police report?
It’s a shame some women are so jealous of their mothering role (and I say that as a mum to a child with a SM). The children don’t benefit from that attitude - they are generally much happier if their parents and steps all got along. I don’t know what to suggest when you are on the receiving end. Would mum attend mediation? Where I am, the court process requires both parents attend a parenting course which really forces parents to centre the child - I don’t know if that’s available where you are but it works well ime.
My dsd knows I'm not mum. She's 12 but I've been in her life for well over 3 years and for 2 years I have lived with her and her brother full time. Her mum has contact which I'm pleased to say since Jan this year has at least been consistently once or twice a month. Prior to that she saw them maybe 5 times in the whole of 2017. Anyway the point is the dm knows I'm doing my best and she knows that I've got her kids best interests at heart. She can't fault either me or my dp on anything.
But every single new report or assessment done by the social worker (dss has one due to severe SEN ) she only ever talks about how I'm not their mum and she is worried I'm trying to replace her etc.
And it hurts because I'm not at all. And if anything I'm always the one facilitating her contact and cooking her lunch etc. Try so hard for that woman and she still pulls that card. Never to my face but to be read out in a room full of professionals that just puts me right back in my place again. Even though she never attends any meetings.
So OP I guess I have no advice but keep doing what you're doing. Report the assault that is not ok at all what so ever. And sorry you've had such a rough time!
Yes I rang the police straight away and logged a report, they got back in touch and took all the details and said to call again as soon as anything else happened. She’s tried to refuse contact since and is blocking OH’s number and FB etc so making it really hard for him atm.
This is why I’m so dressed about it because he hasn’t said the whole ‘mummy’ thing in ages at our house so not sure why he would have at hers 🤷🏼♀️
I do everything for him and even offer to watch him when they need so she doesn’t have to dump him on any friend that will have him which really upsets OH but due to his working hours he isn’t always available to have him at short notice on non scheduled days
What upsets me and OH most is that she uses any little excuse to try and limit his contact, refuses to let OH have him more than 2 nights a week when we live a 10 minute drive away from them so drop him off at nursery on the set days, now the whole mummy thing has come about and all her family is now messaging OH and myself explaining that we are horrible people for ‘confusing a poor 2 year old child’ like we have done this on purpose
The only thing that matters to us is that he is always happy when we have him as he comes first in our eyes, once he is old enough to understand properly we can have a talk with him and explain things properly
Sorry for the rant 🤦🏼♀️😆 just nice to have people that understand what it’s like as none of my family or friends are in this situation