My dad and his wife...

(8 Posts)
Moneypenny007 Mon 01-Oct-18 10:17:08

I'm looking for some advice if anyone has it. I don't even know where to start ..

I had a massive story written and deleted it.

Long story short after years of issues with my sternum my dad cut me out of his life. He still sent gifts to our kids which we ended up returning one year as it was really hurting our ds who just wanted papa.

I text him last year about something and got a reply. However I'd like to make contact with him but I'm so angry and that's making me want to contact him.
I'm hurt that he is missing out on us and vice versa because she doesn't like anyone.
She has cut him off from family and friends now.
We got married 3 years ago and invited them. He replied with no. Grand it was his decision. They day before the wedding his brother rings going crazy at me for being a bad daughter.
I tell him the full story... Which is all news to him.
I never hear from him again.
We have another baby since. He sends a card to the new baby and not us.
He's never met our toddler and hasn't seen our older ds in 5years.
Dad was 50 this year. I really miss him.

Should I contact him?

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HeckyPeck Mon 01-Oct-18 14:01:49

Sorry you’re in the situation. It sounds really tough. Have you got any reason to think he’d have changed or would it likely lead to more heartache for you?

Seniorschoolmum Mon 01-Oct-18 14:11:13

Yes, contact him. Either your df doesn’t want to be involved in your lives or his new partner is controlling and he feels he needs to go along with her.
I think I’d continue to invite them to things. Also send him the occasional email with photos of dcs or details of how they are getting on. Plus Christmas & birthday cards,
Make sure he knows you are there for him when he needs to reach out.
Make it impossible for her to grumble.

Moneypenny007 Mon 01-Oct-18 15:49:54

It must be killing him not being part of things. He is such a loving person by nature. He sat outside the Labour ward when I had our first and was the first to see him. He's never met the 2nd.
I'm an only child so it's not like he'll get another opportunity to do this again.

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SandyY2K Tue 02-Oct-18 00:12:05

It's disappointing that he has been dictated to by his wife to this point.

What's the point in him sending say to be involved or stop sending gifts.

Have you tried contacting your uncle again? Sounds like your dad lied to him.

Bananasinpyjamas11 Tue 02-Oct-18 09:25:28

I think it’s key what kind of issues you were having with your SM. What happened? It’s impossible to say unless you examine that. Did you treat her unfairly? Was he forced into a position where he felt he had to stick up for his wife? Did you invite your SM to your wedding or just him?

You can’t just assume she’s controlling him. You may have refused to accept your SM.

Or... you are totally right and she’s poisonous. And yet he does reach out, reply and send presents. The olive branches are there, take them up. Don’t send back presents. Invite him, keep communicating, keep texting.

Moneypenny007 Tue 02-Oct-18 12:42:30

9mths after they met he tried to kill himself. She moved away from her kids to look after him. They hadn't been together long at that point and were having issues before hand. She kept taking over with my ds, running into my room at night if he was sick and lifting him away from me etc. I let it go after the suicide attempt.

Things were ok until they decided to get married. We were building at the time. My dad offered to put the roof on... She booked a holiday for the week the slates were to go on. Dh ended up taking a week off work and finishing it.
We were busy with the house and work but I still made time to do all bm fittings, take her to dress fittings as she doesn't drive.
She didn't want a big hen night as it was her second marriage. We done meal and drinks. I ended up with a bug that night so wasn't life and soul of the party.
The closer the wedding got the more she was getting pissed off with me. Nothing I done was right.
I had to move out of my room in dad's house to allow her son to have it. This was my childhood room btw. I still would stay in dad's as he lives in the area I was raised and had friends and hobbies there.
She then made me move into a box room for the wedding so that her friends could stay... so 3 of us in a box room.
The night before the wedding my son took a bad vomiting bug and so did I. We were up all night, went to the docs in the morning and got him meds.
She was snippy the whole next day at the wedding. I know it's stressful. She bitched the whole day at the wedding to me about dad's family. She shouted at people in the bar for having a sing song.
She often through hissy fits at home lashing out at dad. Throwing her rings at him.
Her son's were lazy and done nothing to help around the house when they were there. Often spending all day in bed and up playing games during the night.

She had serious issues with dad's family and often caused a row if he went to see them. Especially when my grandfather was dying.
I was told it was about time I lifted the shit out of their house, in the end I stopped calling.
Dad's depression was getting worse and I was getting the blame.
It came to a head when one day my son was at a party near my home town. I dropped him off, done my shopping and went for a ten minute drive. Fad heard I was down and didn't visit and said he couldn't be in touch anymore because it was affecting his mental health.
So that's a brief history.
She often bitched about his friends as well making them out to be no good that they never visited... They avoided the house because of her.

She attacked a girl in the local one night because she didn't like her.

He moved to help his best friend run a business within 3mths she had fallen out with them and he had to move.
I'm not innocent in this. I handled shit badly at times.
I gave back a wee car my dad had bought so she could learn to drive it in, and because we had a car already and didn't need a second.

I text him yesterday and got a few responses. I sent him pics of the boys and got responses.

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Moneypenny007 Tue 02-Oct-18 12:42:54

Bet you are sorry you asked!!!!

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