NC as a bit outing.
I’ve been in my DSC’s lives for many years. They’re great kids, I love them dearly. Had a slightly more difficult relationship with the youngest initially, but things are very good now. Have a baby of my own with their father. All kids get along as well as any kids do. The elder two dote on the little one.
We’ve had problems with their mum from the off. (I am not the OW - we got together a few years after they split.) She’s always viewed us as babysitters rather than their dad as a co parent. Contact has always been about her needs (on occasion she has withheld access to the the children in exchange for money).
Anyway, for the last 3-4 years things have been pretty stable. But now mum is planning on moving in with her bf and things are becoming difficult again.
DSC dislike her bf intensely. He is rude, behaves like a child, selfish, offensive, etc. Her family are NC with him because of his behaviours towards them and the children. My eldest DSD largely ignores him, but stands up to him when he’s rude (I’ve heard the way he speaks to them, it makes my blood boil). Now their mum is saying that she wants the youngest out of the house more as she’s getting in the way of her alone time with the bf, and we need to have her more.
Eldest is not an issue according to their mum - she’s 18, has a ft job and is out a lot in the evenings with her bf.
We love having both kids - we’d have them all the time if it was our choice. Having them more is not an issue - we’re happy to have them more days in the week as well as weekends (we already have them at least one night every weekend, usually we have at least one of the girls for both nights - mum has never allowed them to stay with us more than two nights per week as this reduces her maintenance money).
My youngest DSD has always had a very close bond with her mum, at least before the bf. Now she wants her out of the house more as bf sees her as an inconvenience. I suspect the bf has said the same to DSC already, so DSD knows he does not want her there. She’s 15 and very very sensitive. I feel so sad about all this. I can’t imagine a parent wanting you out because you’re ‘in the way’ or because the bf doesn’t like you around. (DSD mostly reads in her room, it’s a bit of a joke that she’s a hermit. So she’s not really getting in anyone’s way.) DSD is already very hurt and upset about this and says she feels like nobody wants her. (Not true, but I don’t think it’s unusual to think that in the circumstances.) She also has GCSEs this year and we’re worried this will impact her results.
For background, bf has cheated on their mum multiple times and I suspect she’s desperate to keep hold of him, which is what’s prompting all of this. Ie, if he’s living with her, she thinks he won’t cheat. We think it will end badly, so in that sense it’s better if the kids are out of it and with us more, but it’s not great while we’re all having to pander to this manchild.
Just wanting some advice really on how best to support my DSC, especially DSD2.
Thank you.
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Feeling sorry for DSC
14 replies
LifeInPlastic · 19/09/2018 09:24
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