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My son & DP

(44 Posts)
user1487636583 Sun 09-Sep-18 16:43:13

I am writing this in here as it’s about my partner and my son. I have 2 older children to an ex partner, 3 to my current partner. Over time it had becoming increasingly obvious that my partner does not like one of my older children, my son who is 15. They barely talk, only if my son says how are you? Other than that nothing, unless my dp decides to ‘take the mick’ out of my son. A few years ago my son was going down the stairs and my dp started coming up, and I actually heard my DP call my son a prick. He’ll have been about 9 at the time.
He says I spoil him, I don’t. He says he’s my favourite. He is not. I love him. He’s my son. We have a good relationship and joke around a lot.
I love my partner but feel torn. On one side I have my partner who I have three children with, on the other I have my two older children who to be honest don’t think much of their step dad but they are what I’d call normal teenagers. They a bit lazy at times, but when my partner is at work they’ll often help me doing the bedtime routine with the little ones. After a huge row yesterday between my partner and I he started spouting stuffss per usual, and later my 4ur old said to me that he loves his family but he doesn’t love his brother cause dad doesn’t like him. It hurt. I tried to raise it with partner and I said that I know he doesn’t like my son as it is very obvious, he just didn’t say a word and carried on playing with his phone.
Another thing is that we were talking about moving in around 4yrs time. I own my home and it would be only me buying the next one for a a couple of reasons. DP said about how many rooms we would need, and I said an extra one. He asked why. I said because where is my son going to sleep, he was like ‘he’s still gonna be with us in 4yrs?’ With a shirty voice. My son has only just turned 15, he’s only just gone in to his last year of school. I said that I would have thought so as he’s not planning on going to university and I doubt he’d have enough money just after finishing college to move out! He just grumbled oh.
When I was younger my mum chose a man and a city move over me. I feel like am choosing a man over my son.
He really isn’t any bother. He is at school all day, goes to his band practice most evenings and is out most days on a weekend. Even the Mum of the main people in the band say what a lovely young man he is, very polite and helpful. In fact, several of his school friends parents have said the exact same thing to him!
The only issue I really have with him is the fact he is always getting up late so I have to shout at him to make sure he’s up for school.
My dp does have 2 children to an ex. He sees them fortnightly. In his eyes they are obviously perfect as they come, sit on their phones and then leave. There is no real parenting involved. He doesn’t have to deal with the fact his son is always late for school, the fact his daughter argues a lot with her Mum, and obviously thinks that they are the perfect offerings to the world. I could have several opinions about his kids, but I certainly don’t think I have a right to voice any of it. Even when it’s stuff directly related to my kids - like my 5yr old saying her sister doesn’t love her any more because she didn’t come for several months, or the fact that she is always posting all over every social media about her ‘preferred sibling’ (her words not mine) about her baby brother... and yet it’s still my son who literally comes in and goes to his room who gets the abuse.
What I basically want is someone to tell me I’m not stupid to tell my Dp to do one and leave despite a 7yr relationship and 3 children sad

OP’s posts: |
QOD Sun 09-Sep-18 16:47:30

Your poor son. And well spotted. Ditch the dick 💐

ThanksHunkyJesus Sun 09-Sep-18 16:49:13

Why's it taken you so long? Anyone calling my 9yo names would be out of my life for good.

fuzzywuzzy Sun 09-Sep-18 16:50:07

I would have LTB when I heard him call my nine year old child a prick.

He sounds nasty and bullying.

I would not be moving anywhere and ensuring the house is only in your name so he can’t claim any of it.

I would not love with a man who was nasty and bullying to my children. And he clearly is very much so if even your four year old has noticed his father doesn’t like his big brother.

Quartz2208 Sun 09-Sep-18 16:51:30

It would be silly to do anything other than that

StepBackNow Sun 09-Sep-18 16:51:36

Get him out. Make it up to your son while you still can.

sparklepops123 Sun 09-Sep-18 16:51:49

Do all your kids a favour and chuck him out, imagine how your poor ds must feel

YeTalkShiteHen Sun 09-Sep-18 16:52:58

You are absolutely not stupid to leave this nasty piece of shit who thinks calling a 9 yo a prick is acceptable.

In fact, I think it’s good that you’ve realised the impact his nastiness is having and are taking steps to protect your child!

ninemillionbicycles Sun 09-Sep-18 16:56:51

This is heartbreaking, how could you subject your son to this? Seriously how could you? That poor child. This is your responsibility, I'm sorry to sound harsh and I would not break up my family lightly either, but there is more than enough just in your op to justify leaving this man to protect your son.

Oliversmumsarmy Sun 09-Sep-18 16:59:46

No wonder your Ds is never around.

Very soon uni or no uni you won’t be seeing him at all.

Why did you not kick your partner out when he called your Ds a prick.

If you heard that, what else haven’t you heard

Fishface77 Sun 09-Sep-18 16:59:55

That poor kid.
You should have left him 6 years ago when your son was 9 and your partner called him a prick.

donajimena Sun 09-Sep-18 17:00:12

I can't believe you didn't ditch him 6 years ago. I was seeing someone once who snapped at my children. I ditched him immediately.

LusaCole Sun 09-Sep-18 17:16:44

He sounds awful OP. Your poor son sad

letsgetouttahere Sun 09-Sep-18 17:22:20

Get rid, OP. That's not a family you've got there. Not while he's poisoning the little ones against your son. What an awful example he is to your children!

What a sad thread.

user1487636583 Sun 09-Sep-18 17:25:25

Thank you. It’s what I needed to hear. I’m not one for sharing anything with others inside my social circle so much. I tend to keep myself to myself. To be honest dp works evenings so we have the house to ourselves most nights and my son and I will often sit a chill together and watch something with my eldest girl once the kids are in bed. He’s a very happy kid. He is so laid back so things haven’t effected him as such. I know what I’ve got to do. Ive just been scared I think. I work full time but I have debt, all in my name, and it scares me how I will cope financially on my own and it would be a big struggle. I am willing to try and do what I can though, go to my bank and see what I can do. I love all my kids and don’t want this. I’m sick of it.
I think the problem has been not seeing it all collectively. Just little bits here and there. For example I completely forgot about taking SD out for a meal for her birthday with DP. Whilst out my son rings me and asks if we have any fuses as the fuse out of his xbox was missing, despite the fact it was in their a few hours previous. DP says oh yeah they’re in the pot in the kitchen. So, next day I pick DPs jeans up and there is a bloody fuse in his pocket! I just know he took it out! It’s not like anyone else could have done it!
I feel completely stupid. I thought things would get better. I’ve been in a couple of shitty relationships now and looking back I just let myself be taken a fool off. No more though. I will
Be strong for my son, and for all my kids.

OP’s posts: |
Mookie81 Sun 09-Sep-18 17:25:40

There are 2 pricks in this situation- the stepdad and the 'mother' who allows her son to be treated like shit.
Sort it out and look after your boy.

HollowTalk Sun 09-Sep-18 17:28:18

That day on the stairs, you really really let your son down. Sort yourself out now for god's sake and get rid of that twat.

sparklepops123 Sun 09-Sep-18 17:32:15

What a absolute dick to take the fuse out. That's pure nasty bastard

Snappedandfarted2018 Sun 09-Sep-18 17:34:53

Bloody hell I have ds from a previous relationship and I would never had dc with dh if he called him a prick! You have left it 6years! Your poor boy has been a target for this man for this amount of time don’t leave it any longer get rid of him.

Honey2018 Sun 09-Sep-18 17:38:09

Urgh.

I’m sorry but you have failed your son so badly. My mother did this with her partner and it’s ruined our relationship as adults.

I’m sorry but why on earth you would have 3 children with this man? What a messy situation. Take action now.

user1487636583 Sun 09-Sep-18 17:50:58

Looking back over our relationship he’s never been particularly great to me either. He’s lied, been sacked from than one job, quite frequently said things that hurt a lot, and yesterday as me what the hell id been doing all day when I l had been trying to sort out the bedrooms fully rather than just making it look tidy. Even though I’d not sat down and have a 15mth old who currently won’t let me Put him down! I had already told him I wanted him to leave this morning, I think he thought I’d back down like I usually do and buckle under the pressure. Yesterday he said I was a sh*t mum, a terrible person, that my ex had been lucky to get away from me. Normally I end up being the one to apologise! I had a very rough childhood and I do know that I let myself get treat like rubbish due to a fear of being on my own - therapy taught my that. But, last night, instead of going down like I normally would to see if he was coming to bed, I just went to bed alone. This morning when he was trying to be ‘nice’ it was like
Something had changed inside. I wasn’t looking at him like he was my everything any more. I just saw him as someone who was a nasty man, and whether or not he is a good dad to our 3 children or not, or whether or not I need the money, I knew this morning that my heart was no longer in it.
My eldest is about to turn 18, and has seen me at my best and worse and is my best friend. I had her young. She said to me a few days ago when I rang her that I am worth so much more. She is so right.

OP’s posts: |
lunar1 Sun 09-Sep-18 17:52:01

Your poor son, I think it's desperately sad that any child has to live with abuse like this. I'm heartbroken for him, so much of his childhood has been completely destroyed.

greenlanes Sun 09-Sep-18 17:56:21

Reading through you have 7 children between you - 5 live mostly with you and DP and 2 visit regularly? That is a lot of children to treat fairly all of the time. I would expect that as you and DP have 3 together that you would each help parent the other 4 so that the same rules apply to all?

Your example of the fuse shows this isnt the case. if DP felt strongly that children should only be on the Xbox for a certain number of hours per day then he needs to have said so (like an adult should do so) so that it is clear in the house how it works. Instead he decided to be spiteful to just 1 child.

His behaviour sounds obvious (if the younger children are seeing it) and sly. Just yuck. Thank god you own the house on your own - but are you absolutely certain he cant access any of the equity if you split?

Starlight345 Sun 09-Sep-18 17:56:36

Can I also point out he called your Ds a prickin front if you . What do you think goes on when your not there?

Snappedandfarted2018 Sun 09-Sep-18 17:58:29

Can’t believe there’s 7 kids in this mess. You might of had a bad childhood op but when your lad looks back on his he will remember the way his step father treated him and you sat there and continued to have several children with this man. Your own younger children have been manipulated in not liking their older brother. That’s beyond disgusting. Did you have these 3 children 6 years ago?

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