WWYD about this bedroom issue

[socktapus]

Hi all

We're in a bit of a quandary regarding bedrooms here and thought I would seek your advice. Have NC as I don't want to be linked with previous posts...

I have a 9yo DSS and a 2yo DD with my DH. We live in a 2 bedroom house. The second bedroom was DSS's until DD arrived, and then it became a shared room. It's not been an issue and they are happy sharing. DD has now almost outgrown her cot bed (had to get a mini one as the room is quite small). We need her in a single really as it makes most sense, but don't know how to go about it.

At what age is it no longer acceptable for them to share? I don't think bunks would work (DSS wouldn't feel safe/comfortable on top), so am thinking of a single with a pull-out bed underneath and that would come out when he is here, which is only EOW and some holidays. Can't be here more as he lives an hour away so can't stay during the week in term time. The room would be a real squash when the second bed is up, but is doable.

The only other option is to put DSS in our room when he is here and us sleep downstairs, and that is what will have to happen when they can no longer share.

There's no chance of us moving in the next year or so unfortunately so we are stuck with the two rooms.

I just don't know which option to go with!!

[funinthesun18]

I think it’s fine for them to still share. The age gap is big and it’s not like you’re putting two 10 year olds of the opposite sex together. It’s absolutely fine.

[user1493413286]

I think a pull out is fine but would suggest that you always have it up and made when DSS arrives. He’ll know that it isn’t always up but it’s nicer that it is up then him feeling that he’s an add on etc if that makes sense.
Could you explain it all to him and recruit him in choosing a bed depending on how interested he is in it all.

[Shylo]

You say you’re u da not thinking dSS would feel safe on the top bunk - have you spoken to him? I know all kids are different but at 9 mine were more than happy. That way he’d have a ‘permanent’ bed which is thinkbis preferrabelle if you can ....... if no t agree a pull out is fine but I too would make it up before he arrives

[socktapus]

Yeah, we would make it up before he arrives. He's a very young 9, and we've mentioned before about maybe ending up with bunk beds in there which has been met with a definite look of "not with me on top you aren't"!

So do you all think we're fine with them sharing for a while longer then?

[Buggeritimgettingup]

Ask him about bunk beds ikea have some really low ones.

[Janleverton]

www.ikea.com/gb/en/products/childrens-ikea-products/children-3-7/childrens-beds/kura-reversible-bed-white-pine-art-80253809/

My ds has been sleeping in this as a mid sleeper since he was about 7. When we first got it we had a standard mattress on the bottom and he slept on that until he wanted to go up top. Now the bottom has a large foam cushion, expedit shelves and is an extra play area.

[rainingcatsanddog]

I think that they are fine to share. Maybe you could aim to move by the time that dss is in secondary school?

[SD1978]

I agree regarding looking at the midi sleepers- not as high as bunk beds

[Pawpatrolsucks]

Just ask him, I'm sure he will tell you when he doesn't want to share anymore. Though make sure he understands what the other option is.

[socktapus]

Sorry for being obtuse - with a midi sleeper does the bottom mattress just go on the floor then?

[SandyY2K]

Your DD is still okay in a mini bed for a couple more years.

They can still share and maybe by then he'll be okay with a bunk bed.

Is not a pull out bed works as pp have suggested.

[mrsm43s]

How big are the two rooms?

If you're in the bigger room, could you swap to the smaller, giving the bigger to the two children. Hopefully you could then arrange furniture/put up a curtain, so that it can be separated off into two separate areas for privacy.

I'm very surprised at a 9 year old not wanting to use a top bunk, though, most children are happy in them from about 6 upwards. In fact, generally around 10-11, they start to consider themselves too old for a bunk...

[socktapus]

It's a mini cot bed that she's in and she's only 2/3 inches off not being able to lay straight in it, that's why I'm thinking it needs done sooner rather than later.

He just doesn't like trying anything new and has never slept in a bunk. I'm thinking we'll take him to the shop next time he's here and get him on the top bunk. See what he actually thinks of the reality rather than it just being built up into something scary in his head, which is what he does if given time to think.

[mrsm43s]

Have you thought of something like this which could start off as a low bunk, but could be converted into normal height bunks once he's built up some confidence?

[socktapus]

That's a great idea but there isn't the space to have it out like that all of the time. That's why a pull out made sense, then it can go back under when he's not here. Good idea though!!

[GerddwrEryri]

In the nicest possible way, surely you thought about this issue before choosing to expand your family?

I definitely would take him shopping and let him see some bunk beds. I would say it's fine for them to share for now but don't be surprised if when he hits puberty he no longer wants to share with his baby sister.

[bigfishlittlefishtupperwarebox]

We did think about it and hoped we would be able to move by now, but my DH's business is not doing as well as it was and with me just going back part time it isn't that easy unfortunately.

We're going to take him to see some bunk beds next weekend and hopefully he'll be ok with that. The ones I'm looking at can come apart into two singles so when we can move they'll still be good!

[GerddwrEryri]

We're going to take him to see some bunk beds next weekend and hopefully he'll be ok with that. The ones I'm looking at can come apart into two singles so when we can move they'll still be good

That sounds like a good plan.

[GerddwrEryri]

OP just to let you know it looks like you've had a bit of a name change fail. If you report your post to MN they should be able to change it for you (if you're actually bothered that is)

[Bananasinpyjamas11]

Personally I would get them a separate room as soon as possible. The 9 year old will be beginning to grow and change dramatically.

[AliceRR]

In the nicest possible way, surely you thought about this issue before choosing to expand your family?

I don’t think this is relevant. The child is here now and I think a pull out bed sounds fine OP.

We are sort of in a similar situation in that we have a step son who comes EOW and currently sleeps in our second bedroom which has a double bed in it. We only have two bedrooms.

Second child is on the way and would obviously sleep with us for a bit but then would move into own room.

We hope to move before baby arrives - we are trying to sell and find a house - but we’ll see how long it takes. If it comes to it our child will eventually move into back bedroom and step son will sleep in there too when he’s here, possibly with a pull out bed. We’d have to take the double out.

[socktapus]

Thanks for the note re name change, I guess it doesn't really matter, nothing bad in this.

We're going to go with the bunks if he's happy when he comes next weekend, seems the best option, then his bed never has to be put away etc.

[UnderCaffeinated]

What about some like this?
www.ikea.com/gb/en/products/beds/loft-beds-bunk-beds/tuffing-bunk-bed-frame-dark-grey-art-00239233/

The top bunk is lower than on most, so might be a good option for him, or loads of people have made the Kura into bunks, adding supports for some slats so the mattress isn't on the floor.