Hello, I'm a dad and entirely new to this, but could do with some independent advice from parents. I'm in a 12-yr relationship and we have a 9yo daughter and also 2 older kids from my partner's past relationship. Stepson, 23, and stepdaughter (SD) , 20. I have lived in the family home since 2008 although the stepson has now left and the stepdaughter is at Uni.
But SD has never liked me or attempted to get on with me and the relationship, although tolerable, has deteriorated over the years. Things have exacerbated significantly this year as her dad fell ill and then died quite suddenly, meaning sd has moved back to be with us pretty much since April.
In that time, we have got on OK and I have performed a role of supporting my partner, while she supports her older kids in this difficult time.
However, things have reached breaking point this week with a huge row with sd where she confronted me with a 15-minute rant of hatred, based largely around me ruining her life and blaming me for everything.
This has now meant that it's extremely difficult for us all to live together and she has made it plain that she can't face being in the house with me. My partner's view is very much caught in the middle as she realises that this will potentially break up the family and says she has some difficult decisions to make. I am accepting that I may have to go, which is not what I want, as the relationship with my partner is good and normal.
While I have irritated and annoyed the sd at times, particualrly when I first joined the home, this has never been malicious or beyond reasonable expectations and our relationship for the past 2 years has been small talk at most.
I told SD during our row that I bare no malice towards her and always want the best for her; she is an extremely talented young person but appears to have used me as a vent for her anger over the years. I am pretty sure she has manufactured situations in the past for a blow-out to occur and for me to leave - but it has never reached this seriousness till now.
I have asked my partner to try to reason with the sd and I know she has tried, but the sd has always been very much set in her ways and I agree with her when she says there will NEVER be any defrosting from her under any circumstances.
I have been at fault in the past, but see that we all need some coping strategies to deal with this tricky situation. Out 9yo daughter is aware of what is happening and although feels quite torn, has expressed privately to me, how she cannot understand how her sister can have such negativity towards me.
Sorry for long post, but needed to express as much as I can about how I read this. Any help kindly accepted x
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Step-parenting
advice - relationship with stepdaughter is at breaking point
18 replies
Stumpy71 · 22/08/2018 20:39
OP posts:
Oyiboblog ·
24/08/2018 03:34
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