[PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR THE LONG POST]
My gf and I have been in a live-in for last few years. We are a lesbian couple with good corporate jobs. Earlier we shared a rented apartment. But for past 1.5 year we have been living in my flat which my mom has given to me. My gf's daughter (from her previous marriage) has also always been living with us. When I met my gf, her "brat" daughter was 7 and now she's 12. Her daughter and I share a bitter sweet relationship. Probably tolerating each other coz we both love the same woman. My gf is really big on the term "family" coz she's never had that regular family environment so she says it's a big thing for her to have everything so perfect in life. I agree with most of it except I am not too thrilled about the daughter part in the "family". Now before you judge me as evil, hear me out:
Apart from the fact that I am not too fond of the brat daughter (I try very hard to stay neutral!), the tussell between me and her daughter usually remains around two topics:
- If cleanliness and hygiene is ignored
- If she misbehaves with her mother / something she does that stresses my gf out (it works me up and instinctually I feel like she needs to be reminded to stay in her pants or behave or be more responsible after all her mother does for her!)
The daughter is turning into a brat with each passing day - replies back, argues on almost anything that she's told "No" for. At times when my gf is going on and on about "family", I admit I cringe a little inside about the fact that why can't it be just the two of us minus the daughter.
If after getting frustrated myself at times, I tell my gf that her daughter is quite irresponsible for her age and has to be reminded about every minor chore like making her bed etc She would get so defensive and always picks out the "one" thing I tend to screw up on....i.e. bringing the weekly vegetables on time. That's like comparing my one mistake against the million that her daughter makes.
If I m not happy about her 12 year old daughter not taking shower or caring about hygiene, she can easily resort to body shaming me or basically it just boils down to how I forgot to do some chore in the past or probably didn't take shower on a Saturday or didn't brush until 10 am......like it just has to come down to me when it comes to us fighting over her daughter. My gf and her daughter can basically do no wrong. We don't fight often but when we do it gets mean. Especially from her end.
Phew! There is a part of me that does love my gf a lot but lately I have started to get this uncertain feeling in my head. It could be only coz of the level of our fights, not sure.
It's our anniversary in few days. I felt it's time I propose to her on this milestone year and I decided to also involve her daughter in the planning, but then I backed off a little because the daughter can be kinda overbearing and starts to get too involved trying to hijack the whole plan.
I ordered the ring but I am not sure. Honestly, I feel much better when the daughter is away and my gf doesn't talk about her.
Anyway I have one more week to decide whether I should propose or let it be. I am starting to question whether it's love or just need that we are still together.
Your thoughts will really help provide me with some clarity I think.
- what do you think of this entire scenario?
- do you think I am wrong here?
- Do you think I should propose?
*Post edited by MNHQ at OP's request*