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Disciplining SDCs(9 Posts)
Need some step parenting tips please.
Due to go on holiday next week for ten nights with my DP and my two DC (boys 7 and 10) and his two DC (also boys 7 and 10). The DC get on great and DP and I don't live together yet so they see each other fairly regularly but we haven't all been in the same place for ten nights yet.
My issue is his 7 yo who can be really cheeky to me. He can also be really adorable. He only sees DP twice a week and really idolises him. My 10 yo also has a tendency to be cheeky to DP and he and I are really close. We have both had chats with our DC about the fact we are not trying to replace their other parent, it's fine if they don't like something one of us does, we want their opinion but we expect a certain level of good manners. DP and I have similar values - manners are important and being kind.
DP and I have been together 18 months now and until recently only disciplined our own DCs when together (so if his is cheeky to me it's up to him to pull him up on it and vice versa with mine).
I'm not sure how this is going to work in a holiday situation where I will be in charge of his DC some of the time and he will be in charge of mine some of the time too (e.g. he pops to the shop or I go for a bath).
I'm planning on treating them the same as my kids and disciplining accordingly but I am a bit stricter and just wondering what other peoples' experiences have been when they are left alone with SDCs.
I tell my step son off when I need to. If I'm the only one around or they only one who saw what happened then I will pull him on it.
He needs to know I'm in charge just incase it goes from a small incident into something bigger. It never has but I need to know he'll listen to me and do as told when needed.
I would keep it simple. You discipline your own children but can pull up the others when it's directed at you.
If your child had a friend round and they were cheeky, you'd say something so I think it's fine if you do the same with sc. I think that you need to discuss discipline with their Dad. If Dad disciplines with a gentle warning but you are harsher then you are setting yourself up as bad cop which is no fun for you. It will also annoy the kids and could make your child's cheekiness towards your dp worse as he's the soft one.
Surely the time you'll be on your own with the SCs will be limited. All you need to do if for both of you to ask them to be pleasant and that don't want to hear back that they have been rude or difficult.
At the same time, remember that you are on holiday, and that means a bit of leeway in terms of disciplining. That doesn't meant that clear rudeness should be ignored but a bit of cheekiness can be picked up with a bit of humour back rather than leading to strict rules. You're not living together yet and it's your first time together for more than a couple of days, so it's important to make it a positive and pleasant experience for them as much as possible.
I don't want to be bad cop at all but I think his 7 yo is definitely testing the water with me to see how I respond. Also I don't want my kids to think DPs kids get away with more. They have different rules like ipads at bedtime that mine don't but you are right it's a holiday, I have to relax my rules a bit so we can all enjoy ourselves.
Softy is actually tell them all (both of you) just before you set off what the expected behaviour is. That any fuckery will result in them not going again. I’d be totally serious and eyeball every one of them. And I’d expect your dp to do exactly the same.
Holidays with SDC can be make or break with relationships as the kids will be in unfamiliar places and in high spirits so you and DP need to show a United front to set standard for futures holidays.
Don’t give any of them an inch!
May the force be with you!
I’d be totally serious and eyeball every one of them
If my OH had done this with my kids on our first holiday together when we were not even yet living together, I think I would have said to him that it would be better if he didn't join us, mainly for the sake of my kids, but also mine as the least I want on holiday is to feel observed for every word I say or not.
Kids do tend to be less well behaved on holiday because they themselves relax. Sometimes it does go to far, but that doesn't mean the alternative is military like treatment.
Plenty of breathing before responding, especially if his 7yo appears to be testing boundries. Basic level of respect essential, rudeness should not be tolerated but I would be wary of judging his kids by your own expectations.
Thanks for your replies, I think we have talked about what our joint expectations are are talking to the kids about what the "joint rules" are before we go away. I want to try and have fun myself too so don't want to be policing behaviour too drastically.