Posting on here for advice as I'm a step mum but a RP.
Dsd has come back from a holiday with Nan saying she does not want to see her mum anymore.
I'm really conflicted as she comes to me for advice about this. Her dad and I try and get her mum over to see the children as much as we can but she went 8 months without seeing them regularly, I think she saw them once each in that time.
Mum is currently pregnant with a dd and dsd has been expressing increasing feelings of unhappiness about her mum for a variety of reasons.
I've been pushing them to see her as much as I can. Set up as once a month at first and I set up activities for them to do and cook etc.
When it went well I started pushing for twice a month.
It's floored me that dsd is now saying she doesn't want to see her. What can we do to help repair this before dsd decides this course. Will mum blame us? How do I support this child in the best way? My heart hurts as I want her to be as happy as I can, whilst not replacing mum and helping her to have a happy life. My own mum encouraged me to see my Dad until I was 14 and then I said enough was enough and I didn't want to anymore and if I did it would be on my terms.
She is 12. Dss is disabled and does not have an opinion on this and struggles with her when she visits. So it's more a question for dsd.
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Step-parenting
What age is old enough to say when Step Child doesn't want to see NRP?
HerondaleDucks · 13/08/2018 15:05
She’s old enough for a court to take her seriously, perhaps not quite old enough for totally her own decision. Do you understand the reasoning behind it? My eldest started mumours about not seeing dad at 12 but he is still going str9ng at age 14. We talked a lot about it, I gave him money he keeps in his sock drawer as escape money in an emergency, upgraded his phone to contract so he would always be able to call me, taught him to immediately delete texts to me, bought deodorant for him (because dad won’t 
), talked about dad loving him but hating me more and not letting that worry him, assured him he didn’t need to protect me or be outraged on my behalf.....it has worked. I do ‘t think it will for much longer but I am confident the ex would accept it now because of his age whereas he wouldn’t have done 2 years ago.
She sounds scared about the future and having her heart broken even more. Poor girl 
I'd also worry that mum would use baby as an excuse to be flaky again.
As holiday with nan was the catalyst, I'd worry that she (nan) would get the blame too. (I'm assuming paternal grandmother )
Like a PP, my son started saying that at a similar age. I also had to help him have a "get out of Dad's house" plan. He knew which taxi company would accept me paying by credit card and he sent me a Google Maps screenshot of his Dad's house. He knew he could bail (with his siblings) whenever and whatever time of night.
In the end he never had to make an escape but he has ended up going NC with his Dad a couple of years later. I feel more confident that the decision was right at 14 but not quite at 12.
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