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Photos of kids

(22 Posts)
stepmumbum Sun 12-Aug-18 19:04:10

Hi all, would appreciate advice from some mums please smile

I have a lovely DSD who I am close to and we have a great relationship, she is 11. I also have a DD who is 3, DD and DSD have a good relationship and a great bond.
This is a trivial thing but on profile pics on things like Facebook, and WhatsApp would you, as a Mum be annoyed if your daughters step mums pic included them?

I often want to have my pic as my DD and DSD as I love them both and she is my family too, but I'm put off incase her Mum sees it as overstepping the line. My husband thinks it's fine.

As I said it's trivial but I am never sure what the right thing to do is

OP’s posts: |
NorthernSpirit Sun 12-Aug-18 19:15:01

As long as the DSD and dad are happy then I don’t see an issue with it.

CheeseAndVinegar Sun 12-Aug-18 19:20:45

Ask her mum!

AnguaResurgam Sun 12-Aug-18 19:26:39

Have DH discuss with XW what is OK for social media, including the two stepsisters together on yours. I don't see there's anything wrong with siblings of blended families appearing together.

But do remember that some people prefer to minimise publication on all social media (until the DC are old enough to do it themselves, understanding the key elements of internet security and privacy issues). So if DH/XW decide that's the approach, you'll have to live with it.

confusedmomm Sun 12-Aug-18 19:30:58

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest, as I'd be happy knowing DD is part of the family, and not seen as 'the one from previous relationship' if that makes sense

stepmumbum Sun 12-Aug-18 19:33:33

@confusedmomm that's how I see it, that she is a part of out family and there's no difference in her and my DD. I think I'll get DH to run it past XW to make sure we are all on the same page.

OP’s posts: |
Fayyyyyyyyyyy Mon 13-Aug-18 01:10:44

Why should she ask her mom she has parental responsibility for this child and spends time with the child. If she wants to post a picture she can, the mom shouldn't have that much control over her life!

PoesyCherish Mon 13-Aug-18 04:09:48

I think if your DH and DSD are fine with it then it shouldn't be an issue. Depends how well him and his ex get along though. If they generally have a good co parenting relationship then it'd be good to run it past her.

HotblackDesiatoto Mon 13-Aug-18 04:29:23

that's how I see it, that she is a part of out family and there's no difference in her and my DD

i imagine her mother sees a big difference between her and your DD though!
A lot of mothers have an issue with step mothers claiming ownership of their children as if they were theirs. Which is not unreasonable.

I personally would not use a picture of someone elses child as my FB profile. That's public for one thing.

loopylass13 Mon 13-Aug-18 04:34:26

As a step parent I would never post a pic - especially a profile pic/cover pic that is public!! I think the ones with PR have the final vote on what they each have appear on their FB pages. It is stepping over the line for you to post. However if your partner posted in a pic and tagged you because appear in it then that is very different. I would not use that pic as a profile/cover photo either.

I am a firm believe in minimal facebook posts/pics of children. I also believe some memories should be kept within the family. That its much nicer to have a family pic on the fireplace than all over social media. You do what you want with your own kids but never with a step kid, treat them equal in terms of love/discipline but never facebook. Its painting an image that is not true. The mum and dad will always be the mum and dad, but you might be an ex in ten years. I would HATE it if a step parent did this to my child, whether it was my partner or my ex's partner. I see no difference.

user1493413286 Mon 13-Aug-18 06:26:38

As long as her mum is ok about pics of her going on Facebook in general; is her mum ok in general?
From reading on here it seems some mums will make an issue out of anything (whether justified or not) so depends how well you and DH get on with her.

swingofthings Mon 13-Aug-18 06:40:41

It depends what your reasons are. If it is because you don't want to cause friction which would end up falling onto DSD, than I would ask and if she kicks up a fuss, I would then ask DSD and if she'd rather not upset her mum, then I wouldn't do it.

If you don't care, or if your DSD says she would like you to even though her mum is not happy, do it.

Pussinboots94 Mon 13-Aug-18 11:33:14

I’d second this. It should be all about the relationship between you and the step daughter after all that is who the photos concern after all. I am not allowed to post anything of my partners children on fb as the mother has requested I don’t. Which I respect. However trivial it is. Maybe double check with the mum just out of common courtesy though.

SandyY2K Mon 13-Aug-18 13:30:24

As a mum..honestly..... I wouldn't like it.

cantstandmenow Mon 13-Aug-18 13:51:56

My DS stepmum posts photos of him on Facebook. She didn't ask, and for me, that's fine. She has no kids of her own yet and has been in my sons life pretty much since he can remember. She loves him, he loves her. It makes me proud and happy to see them enjoying their time together or it did, before he became a teenager and ditched the lot is us.

But I guess it depends on your relationship with her. Maybe best to ask.

nonnatushouse Mon 13-Aug-18 22:30:18

I put pictures of my DSD up on FB. Neither OH or DSD’s mum have an issue with this. I don’t do it very regularly but I do put them up from time to time.

TheCatsMothersCousin Thu 16-Aug-18 09:58:47

Perhaps not as a public profile picture but I don't see why posting a picture of your DD and your DSD together should be a problem... They are siblings whether or not they share the same mother.

To me that's totally different then a step mother posting a selfie with their SC.

I never post anything about my SC but my DP regularly tags me in his photos of them so they do appear on my social media. If you're concerned about doing it yourself, could your DH post it and tag you instead?

Toxicgames Thu 16-Aug-18 10:59:46

I think it massively depends.
Some parents don't want their kids on social media at all and in this case I wouldn't.

However if you are aware Mum has no issues with SM itself I would definitely upload pictures with everyone together.
My friends kids have an amazing relationship with their Step Mum and the Step Mum frequently uploads pictures and tags my friend in them (Mum) so she can have nice pictures of them on trips out too.

takeittakeit Thu 16-Aug-18 19:20:53

OP - my Ex and his DP were awful to our DCs. Contact was minimal - 6 weekends per annum, occasional during the week contact, DCs slept in the utility room her DCS all had own rooms etc etc

I had no issue with pictures of her DCs and my DCs together.

However, the red mist of rage would descend when she posted pics of the two of them and all the DCs as if they were one big happy family because they definitely were not. Writing my super new happy family, haven't we done well to weather the storm, life so much better for all of us now. The emotional abuse my DCs suffered was ignored in those pics.

Ask her mum.

ovendoor Sat 18-Aug-18 17:43:21

As a mum, I actually like that my DC's step-mum put photos of her and my DC on social media. As far as I'm concerned, she is also parenting my children when they are with their father, and she is a part of my DC's family unit.

Beaverhausen Sun 19-Aug-18 13:09:50

I think the polite thing would be to ask mum if it would be ok. She can either say yes or no.

greenlanes Sun 19-Aug-18 13:16:40

Very much ask Mum. Ignore Fayyyy - stepmums do not normally have parental responsibility. And this really should be a decision where both parents agree.

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