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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

My husband can't handle the fact I have kids from my previous marriage

73 replies

jyap · 05/08/2018 22:54

Hey all,

Have come on here coz I guess I need to talk coz it's not something I can talk to my family about. My husband hates the fact that I have kids from my previous marriage. I do my best to keep him away from the situation but it's just getting worse.
At the start when we first met, my daughter was still a baby so it was easier but now she's turning 7 he can't handle it.

He just stays away from her, we do nothing as a family and it's only me ever interacting with her. All he ever says is hello love and how was school today? He's awkward around her and when she tries to get his attention he just brushes her off.

She goes with her dad most weekends but when she's not with him and home with us it's really hard. He wants my attention all the time but also thinks she should be seen and not heard.

We are from 2 different cultural backgrounds with 2 very different upbringings. I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't know if it will get better as she matures or not. I feel like it's him who has the issue to deal with or am I just being insensitive?

OP posts:

Report

Fishface77 · 05/08/2018 22:55

And you still married him??
Ffs poor kid.

NorthernSpirit · 05/08/2018 22:57

God that’s terrible. You need counselling.

Sevendown · 05/08/2018 22:58

Wtf!!
Ltb!

pictish · 05/08/2018 22:59

Sounds absolutely shit for your daughter...made to feel surplus to requirements in her own home. You have a choice but she doesn’t. Why are you still entertaining this rubbish man?

RunningBetty · 05/08/2018 22:59

You need a divorce.

Littlechocola · 05/08/2018 23:01

Your dd needs to come first. Tell him to sort it out or fuck off.

purpledreamcatching · 05/08/2018 23:01

That's horrendous, your poor daughter

GlitterGlassEye · 05/08/2018 23:01

My first ever LTB based purely on your opening post.

Your poor daughter.

SpaceDinosaur · 05/08/2018 23:02

OMG your poor poor daughter.

You are her mother. You are supposed to protect her from this kind of shit

Seniorschoolmum · 05/08/2018 23:02

I doubt it will get better because as your dd gets older, she will have more opinions.

You are not being over sensitive. Your poor daughter is being rejected in her own home. She’s trying to be a family, which is perfectly normal and he fends her off. He clearly doesn’t regard her as one of the family.

If he feels uncomfortable, he should move to his own place. To do otherwise is astoundingly selfish. He’s an adult, she’s a child, her need is far greater than his.

It sounds like a straight choice to me. I could never be with someone who didn’t accept my dcs.

TeddyIsaHe · 05/08/2018 23:02

Why on earth did you put your own happiness before that of your daughter’s? You should never have allowed this man to continue to be in your lives when it was clear he didn’t care about your child in the slightest. Do the right thing, be a parent and put your poor daughter first.

Yeaididthat · 05/08/2018 23:03

Just to clarify- the title says kids? Is there more than the daughter?

And ltb.

MirandaWest · 05/08/2018 23:04

Why did you marry him?

jyap · 05/08/2018 23:06

Sorry just 1 daughter, it wasn't like this at the start when we 1st met it's only as she's gotten older. He used to be great with her

OP posts:

Clairetree1 · 05/08/2018 23:06

She can't be dismissed like that in her own home

FaFoutis · 05/08/2018 23:06

This isn't a difficult one. Put your daughter first.

figelnarage · 05/08/2018 23:06

So when did it change and why?

WellThisIsShit · 05/08/2018 23:08

Of course it’s his issue! And a nasty one at that.

Fancy letting his own inadequacies damage an innocent young child for life. It’s disgusting.

But as her mother, it’s your role to protect her I’m afraid, no matter how difficult it is... or should I say, how difficult HE makes it. You cannot stand by and wring your hands as it happens.

jyap · 05/08/2018 23:08

Changed when she started developing an attitude, when she doesn't listen to me sometimes or misbehaving he says if she can't listen to me, how will she listen to him when she knows he's not her father.

OP posts:

BoEbrexit · 05/08/2018 23:10

Agree you need to break up and put your daughter first.

FaFoutis · 05/08/2018 23:10

It's not her fault.

figelnarage · 05/08/2018 23:11

Do you think he doesn't really know what his role is?

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sprinklesthecat · 05/08/2018 23:12

Put your daughter first and leave him. This will only get worse. What a horrible situation for her.

BoEbrexit · 05/08/2018 23:13

Maybe you don't want to say, but what cultural background are you guys from?

jyap · 05/08/2018 23:13

He says it's my fault for not being strong enough to discipline her in the right way. He has no experience of kids at all, it's like he doesn't understand, he's a wonderful husband other than this issue

OP posts:

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