SC & TTC problems

[JuiceBox]

Just wondering if anyone has ever been here.

Me and DP are TTC our first. We are having problems (recurrent miscarriages). I am feel so low and hopeless.

My DP has 2 DC from a previous relationship. Now I will say that I do absolutely love them. They are part of my life and have been for some time. I wouldn't change them or wish them gone or anything like that.

But I don't know, it's so so so hard to watch DP with them at the moment. I'm so low about our situation and it feels like my heart is breaking when I see him play with them/cuddle them etc...

He is of course seeking comfort from his grief in his children and that's okay and I'm happy he has a refuge from this but it makes me feel so lonely. Like although we are going through this together we aren't completely on the same page.

It's painful to know he's had what we want together with someone else. Something which I don't seem to be able to give him again.

I feel terrible. I really do care for those children but right now I feel more calm and less hollow when they aren't here. I hope this passes. We have such a great relationship me and the kids and I don't want to see them as a reminder forever. I feel utterly horrible even thinking this way now.

I don't even know what I want from this thread really. Just feel so low.

[WineGummyBear]

So sorry for your losses OP. I think everything you have described sounds completely understandable in your situation.

I have no suggestions or helpful advice just bucket loads of sympathy.

Recurrent miscarriage is very very lonely and I can see that your situation means that you are having a very different experience from that of your DP.

[HerondaleDucks]

My heart goes out to you. That must be so hard. Completely understandable and I am so sorry for your losses.
Take care of yourself and take some RandR.
Wish you all the best for the future.

[JuiceBox]

Thank you both. It is incredibly hard.

I feel so alone in this. DP is of course hurting too but I struggle knowing it isn't quite the same.

I really do try not to let it affect my attitude when the children are with us. I try to be my normal self for them.

It's really horrible to say but I feel so relieved when they go to their mum's at the moment. Not because I don't enjoy their company or care about them but because I can pretend for a couple of days that I'm not experiencing this alone.

[swingofthings]

Don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do it's totally normal. If you accept that it is it will become easier to deal with. Hopefully it is only a question of time. Wishing you the best.

[IhopeyoulikeNavantoo]

That's so difficult. I don't blame you for feeling that way at all. I hope you have success soon.

[JuiceBox]

DSS just turned to me and said he likes it when I smile because it makes him happy.

It is hard but there are special moments like this that make me push on.

That lovely boy doesnt even know how much that meant to me.