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Meeting my partners children for the first time(7 Posts)
In the next few weeks I will be meeting my partners two children age 7 & 4, I have only seen them to say hello to and was just wondering if anyone had any advice of things we could do or places to go on our first meeting. I have read online that the first meeting should take place somewhere neutral to us all and last just a few hours.
Any advice would be really helpful or even just hearing someone else experience would be really useful too.
How long have you known your partner?
My first time meeting my dp children was after 8 months of being in a relationship. It was at nanny's house and I was a friend first. We played board games together and I gave them the space to come to me first.
I would say be fun and friendly but not ott, it's their contact time with a parent and that's more important than spending time with you.
I would say a couple of hours tops, maybe meet for lunch and then leave them to do something fun.
Then build up to you joining in.
Please don't concern yourself with taking am responsibility for them or parenting them as this wouldn't be appropriate. Let your dp and the children lead.
Take your time little baby steps and try as I said earlier to be fun and friendly.
See how it goes from there.
I met my OH’s kids after we’d been together 7 months. They were 6 & 9 at the time.
Don’t make a big thing of it and do a fun activity with them (we went bowling).
I met my Dp’s DC’s when we’d been together about a year. I was introduced as a friend and we went to the playground/ park.
Hang back. Let them take the lead and let them set the pace. They’re young, they will be fine.
The only part you haven’t outlined is whether your DP’s Ex will know you are going to be intro’d. Depending on circumstances, that may also be helpful. I told my EH in advance of our DC meeting my DP. But then we try and remain as amicable as possible.
I’d show your interest but let them take the lead; I met my DSD at her grandparents house and asked if I could join her doing a craft activity she was doing. It was a good way to chat without the pressure.
Also in the early weeks DH used to ask DD if she wanted me to join them on trips and give her a bit of control eg, “we’re seeing ........later, do you want her to come to the park or come over after”
I put a lot of effort into playing with her and being her friend; not just spending time with her dad and distracting him away from her.
My exoirence is a bit strange as I was living overseas, do and I were long term friends and then started dating on a holiday he took to visit me. The children were aware of my existence long before I met them due to logistics. We went to jump mania (trampoline park) they all played and me and dp watched. They asked lots of questions including will you live with us soon when you move back (was over a year away) - bit awkward as not discussed that etc with do yet!
They are lovely children but their parents had been divorced for over 5 years at this point and dp had a previous long term partner in between. So I think tbh I was lucky that they took to me so well.
Only advice is let them lead and do something low key that's fun for the kids.
I met my DP son after 6 months and he had just turned 4. We went to the arcade and I was just a friend for a few months. My advice would be to not try too hard and let them decide the pace. I have seen my DSS Grandads new partner force a relationship with him and he now avoids her. I squirm watching her ask for hugs constantly until he awkwardly walks over and its never good lol!