Tricky situation

[Kay1996]

I am a step mum to two boys 7&9... there mum likes an easy life and has recently gave them both dummies.. this is driving me mental as I’m a dental nurse and I see the damaged done by them daily & I also think it is ridiculous. she lets them walk about the with them 24/7 and takes them to school.. she also lets the 9 year old play Xbox from the second he wakes until 2/3am, let’s the 7 year old run the streets, it’s so bad the police took him home one night at 11pm. The children aren’t fed proper food they live off waffles with Nutella and pancakes, not dressed or bathed, there teeth are yellow as she doesn’t encourage brushing or keeping themselves clean.
They complain they don’t want to come here as I make home cooked food, bath them correctly, make them brush there teeth and limit Xbox to 90mins a day. Any advice on any of these topics would help as I don’t want to seem like I’m stepping on her toes as they are her children but i want them to have a good quality life and be healthy until they can make there own choices.

[Madlife]

Where is their dad? Is not stepping on her toes, is preventing health issues. But again his dad should be doing something about it NOW

[RoboJesus]

Where's their dad in all this? Why hasn't he gone for custody if it's that bad? He's just as my to blame if he's not doing anything about it

[HirplesWithHaggis]

I'm surprised children aged 7 & 9 accept dummies, let alone take them to school! It sounds as if there are issues of neglect, your dp should contact social services and perhaps seek residence.

[user1486915549]

Dummies 24 /7 ?!
What do school say about it ?
Have school raised any concerns about neglect ?

[FatCow2018]

Yes why hasn't their father stepped in and applied to the court to be the resident parent?!

[Kay1996]

We have! Sorry I should have mentioned that, we have tried twice with the last 2 years!

[ohreallyohreallyoh]

then CAFCASS are investigating and finding mum perfectly acceptable?

Have you reported to Social Services? Spoken to the school? A child who stays up till 2am will be seriously struggling in school.

[averythinline]

Sorry its not clear what you have tried in the last 2 years- the childrens father should be starting proceddings to become resient parent if he is concerned about neglect. He can also approach teh school if he is on the Birth certificate and involved..
It should be him making sure they bathe and brush their teeth not play xbox all the time.. you are not their parent...he is ...he needs to parent them....

[Kay1996]

We have tried to take custody twice and been refused twice.. I've contacted social services but there isn't enough hard evidence they can find.. They keep them in there pockets at school so no one can see. We fell awful as they cry and kick up a stink at our house because we don't allow any of this behaviour, when back with there mother they tell her we are bad to them because we have rules.My partner has spoken on many many occasion to the mother and the answer usually is my kids are under my roof so tough.

[Kay1996]

I have contacted social services twice and they have investigated as when they went to visit and the surprise lands she either wasn't in or was well organised for them coming... We have contacted the school and they are trying everything they can to support us. We have them in bed at 8.30 at the latest and they physically can't sleep as they are so use to being up until 2am.
We split things as normal parents do such as wants daddy to take them to bed some nights and me others so everything I done 100% fair.

[Kay1996]

My original post is wrote badly, it is us who do everything and have strict rules. Not just me! Sorry for the miss understanding🙈

[Madlife]

Record the conversations and keep the text messages and have him to argue about all those issues that would be enough. She sounds like she needs a bit of help.

[SandyY2K]

What normal human being gives a 7 or 9 year old a dummy. Madness!