My stepdaughter called me a bitch

(51 Posts)
easylover Tue 03-Jul-18 13:30:20

I just feel my dp didn't deal with it particularly well.
Dp was at work, dinner was ready so I did the usual thing of calling the kids to come down for dinner. Dsd (12) said she wasn't coming down because she was doing her make up and then taking pictures, I said well could you do that after because it's ready now and it will go cold. She rolled her eyes and said 'I don't care, I don't want it and I'm staying here' so I just said right and closed the door. I told dp when he got home, so with me present told her off for being rude and ungrateful made her apologise, I was happy to leave it there but then she stomped upstairs and shouted bitch 😳, my dd and ds heard it and were very protective of me, asking if I was ok etc. Dp did go to speak to her, not really sure what he said to her. I just ignored her for the rest of the evening and stayed out of her way, so did my dcs but dp was back to being all nice to her after 5 minutes, joking around with her.

The following day I decided to let it go and it was the past but she was rude and funny with me all day. It was hard to say anything as dp mum was there all the kids etc but dp doesn't seem to notice and if I mention anything he just says oh no it wasn't at you that comment, it gets on my nerves as clearly it was and my dd noticed too. I don't know what to do? The problem is you end up being the evil step mother if you do or say too much 😤

OP’s posts: |
NorthernSpirit Tue 03-Jul-18 13:36:15

Totally unacceptable on her part. Your OH needs to deal with this.

Has something else happened?

Whatever the cause, you should be treated with respect (as everyone deserves).

Mayhemmumma Tue 03-Jul-18 13:38:00

I think you could have spoke to her about not coming down for dinner yourself ie 'don't be rude I expect you to come down for dinner please' or 'fine stay in your room but I don't appreciate rudeness' etc instead of 'telling' on her to your partner.

As rude as it was, she's 12 and I would have ignored it (or insisted on her coming for dinner if that is your preference) and only done the telling off at the swearing part...pick your battles imo.

ReadytoTalk Tue 03-Jul-18 13:38:14

She needs to be made to apologise. In future id tell her when dinner is ready, if its cold its her problem.

Racecardriver Tue 03-Jul-18 13:39:15

Have some sympathy. She isn't in any easy position here and her hormones are probably raging. As an fault you have to take this kind of behaviour with a bit of grace.

ReadytoTalk Tue 03-Jul-18 13:42:34

Op has to tolerate a child in her home calling her a bitch? Why?

Its possible to have empathy but to recognise that its equally important to teach a child that she cant go round calling people a bitch.

OliviaStabler Tue 03-Jul-18 13:46:49

Op has to tolerate a child in her home calling her a bitch? Why?

I totally agree.

If this is not nipped in the bud, it will escalate as she knows there are no consequences for her rudeness.


easylover Tue 03-Jul-18 13:53:36

Mayhem just wanted to explain this is an going thing with dinner and being rude none of the other dcs in the house do this including her sister my other dsd, and I do understand about hormones etc and I do rise above it ALOT but sorry this was too much and her dad asked me were she was as he got home we were all eating and her dinner was sat there.

OP’s posts: |
WhiteCat1704 Tue 03-Jul-18 13:55:26

DP problem...what were the consequences for her?

easylover Tue 03-Jul-18 14:01:38

Whitecat nothing!!! That's my issue as she's continuing to be rude!!

OP’s posts: |
Lilajuvel Tue 03-Jul-18 16:38:32

How long have you been in the picture?

easylover Tue 03-Jul-18 17:19:03

Not sure what that's got to do with it but 6 years!

OP’s posts: |
swingofthings Tue 03-Jul-18 17:55:44

What do you want your OH to do? She didn't tell you the words to your face, she mumbled it as she was going up which i think is very different.

Your OH seems to have acted correctly. He told her off, made her apology and told her off again. Do you want him to remain cross with her for how long?

This is typical teenage behaviour, she made the error to say it when you/your kids could hear it, but be sure that she is otherwise telling her friends the same out of earshot.

I imagine my lovely DD would have said the same about me to her friends at that time when she was going through her hormonal phase. This behaviour deserves disciplining as your DH did, but I don't get what more you expect.

Winosaurus Tue 03-Jul-18 18:50:05

She didn't tell you the words to your face, she mumbled it as she was going up which i think is very different
No it isn’t! If my DCs spoke like this they would be in a whole world of trouble.
My eldest SD once swore as she walked off after being rude to me and DP grounded her for the whole weekend. Guess what? She hasn’t done it since.

Winosaurus Tue 03-Jul-18 18:50:48

And typical teenage behaviour does not involve swearing at / or about adults.

Weddingplanningandlovingit Tue 03-Jul-18 18:57:02

The opinions and hypocrisy on here make me rage! Step mothers are expected to put up with bad behaviour and act like an absolute angel at all times. They can never do right - too much involvement and care and you’re interfering, not enough you’re a bitch who should leave immediately. She has behaved appallingly and should be punished for this! Take away her devices for a night or switch off the WiFi, or tell her she’s grounded until she behaves properly. Don’t let her get away with this, I have a very similar situation with a horribly spoiled 14 yr old and years of her father’s pampering of her has made her a pretty unpleasant teenager!

PrettyLovely Tue 03-Jul-18 19:53:07

Well said @Weddingplanningandlovingit

Lilajuvel Tue 03-Jul-18 19:56:04

Not sure what that's got to do with it but 6 years!

I was just wondering if it was a relatively new thing and she was rebelling against the relationship etc, sorry.

easylover Tue 03-Jul-18 20:08:13

Actually swing she didn't mumble it she shouted it! It obviously wasn't enough what dp did as she's been rude since!!

OP’s posts: |
swingofthings Wed 04-Jul-18 16:50:45

Ok fair enough if she shouted it. When you say rude, do you mean being stroppy or calling you names again?

I think the first needs to be ignored as that's the best way to show that you are really not affected by her attitude. If she is calling you names again, that of course is another matter.

The opinions and hypocrisy on here make me rage!
It goes both ways though. Being rude to parents is part of being a teenager, so if step-parents want to be respected in the same way then parents are, which is totally fair enough, they have to accept that they will be treated like parents are, and that comes with the bad behaviour. You just have to take a look on the teenager board to read messages after messages of teenage poor behaviour. Of course it needs to be tackled with discipline, but it still happens, even with angelic teenagers.

Winosaurus Wed 04-Jul-18 21:21:51

See I don’t buy this view that teenagers being rude is something to be accepted as the norm and like it’s ok.
Being hormonally up and down, and a bit irritable is one thing but being rude to your parents isn’t and I think too many kids get away with it these days.
I was allowed to sulk off to my room for example but absolutely not allowed to huff, be rude, eye roll in a disrespectful way, or speak badly to my parents without there being major consequences.

SandyY2K Wed 04-Jul-18 23:59:52

She should be made to apologise for that...and I wouldn't be bothering to call her for food again. I wouldn't tolerate such cheek from my own children...much less a step child.

Or next time you make dinner...let her know it's ready ...if she doesn't come down...that's her problem.

I would expect she gets punished as well.

Very rude.

SandyY2K Thu 05-Jul-18 00:02:57

I don’t buy this view that teenagers being rude is something to be accepted as the norm and like it’s ok.

I agree.

SenecaFalls Thu 05-Jul-18 00:11:51

Being rude to parents is part of being a teenager

Disagreements, yes. Rudeness, no.

Ivy3621 Thu 05-Jul-18 00:16:19

I would be furious if my daughter spoke to an adult like that. There would definitely be consequences. OK I think probably need to set your own boundaries with her and stick up for yourself.

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