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So close to throwing in the towel

(7 Posts)
Redbus1030 Mon 02-Jul-18 09:19:27

Just need to vent really - I just don't think i can keep doing this step Mother role, i feel so depressed at the propect of being lablelled as this evil person for the rest of my life, it fills me with dread.
I hate I cant just do what I want for my DC without feeling I have to explain myself to numerous people, the ex the DSC.
I've honestly tried my absolute best for them but still I'm the evil step mum who gets it all wrong, I am the scape goat for it all.
I'm fed up for me, Im fed up for DC and I dont see it ever changing.
My DH knows I'm near the edge and I feel for him, he has a horrible bitter ex and it's just impossible a situation as she has alienteted the kids that we are these draconian bad people. DH does not give in to this but it just means there is constant fodder for her to expand on and the situation just gets worse as they get older not easier as some would think it.
All that keeps me there is that my DH is a lovely man (he has his faults as we all do) and I love him very much but is that going to be enough FOREVER with this lable and feeling like im always wading through treacle?........

OP’s posts: |
nomoredramainmylife Mon 02-Jul-18 10:13:45

Hi op, I’m kind of in the same boat. I just don’t feel like I can leave but I want to so badly. It’s mainly because I don’t want to be a stepmum for the rest of my life. I’ve spent almost 10 years in this role and it’s been soul destroying. I’ve just got to a point now where there is nothing that can convince me it is going to be ok. Tried all that and it didn’t work...
Like you I want to be able to live my life without answering to people eg ex wife and in laws and to start a fresh with my dcs.
I feel I have put a hell of a lot of myself in to being a stepmum but honestly I feel no rewards from it.

moodance Mon 02-Jul-18 10:55:46

Well ... there must of been a full moon this weekend ... as I am in this place too. However yesterday I fully disengaged from the SC and I just focused on my DC and you know what ... I had a bloody great day!

Maybe look into disengaging from the SC.

Redbus1030 Mon 02-Jul-18 12:21:24

Yep i have been disengaging more but thats also a horrible environment, sharing your home with another family in affect who are all doing their own thing.....that's what fills me with dread, that that is my only option to live like that.
I fanasize about being on our own where I can do what I want and not go through a political mine field. Not to have what I do relayed to another woman and be misconstrued etc

OP’s posts: |
moodance Mon 02-Jul-18 12:36:32

Well ... you have a few choices .. disengage, be a mug ... move out ... I don't know how you can say disengaging isn't the best option... your DP has to step up and parent his own kids ... if you can't face it ... don't be there ... I said to my DH I would move out or we can buy another place so he can be there with his kids ...

Happydays87 Tue 03-Jul-18 08:51:42

Try getting together with the children and talking to them honestly? They’re not ogres, they’re just kids. You’re all just people trying to get along.

Tell them you’re finding it hard, you feel like you’re not getting anything right. Tell them it feels like they’re going back to their mums and being horrible about you. Ask them if there’s anything you can all do to sort it out?

They’re probably just doing what all kids do - wanting to please people. Telling their mum what they think she wants to hear?

What other choice do you have... if you really want to keep the relationship, you’ve all got to get the family element right.

Harpingon Tue 03-Jul-18 09:06:35

The thing with leaving is that you then become the horrible bitter ex.

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