How long did you stay until you finally had enough?

(9 Posts)
nomoredramainmylife Wed 20-Jun-18 14:40:30

Just that really. It’s been almost 10 years for me and I feel like I have given too much of myself in that time. It’s got to a point now where I just want my life/my happiness/my sanity back. I’m in my late 20s now so I went in to this very young and I feel like I have wasted being young on a very demanding and draining relationship/stepparenting role.
I love my partner and I’m obviously close to his child, but it’s just not enough to make me want another 10 years of this. I feel numb thinking about being involved with someone with a child for the rest of my life. His ex is very difficult too and it would be like a breath of fresh air being rid of her.

How did you get the courage to finally move on?

OP’s posts: |
Whattheactualfuckmate Wed 20-Jun-18 14:44:55

Five years. But the he was abusive and I had solid reasons to go.

I think in your situation it’s harder because there will not be some big row that you can flee from.

There is a really good book along the lines of ‘too bad to stay too good to leave. I bought it for my best friend. She is twenty years in to a dead marriage but won’t leave because of the kids. It’s drained the soul out of her. He knows she wants to go so is slowly cutting her off from every one. She is always down and it’s taken it’s toll on her face.

Don’t be like her.

mrsshelby44 Wed 20-Jun-18 14:59:16

You don't need a reason to leave op. Wanting to leave is reason enough. Do you have kids with him? Married own a home together? How old is his child? If the child's mother the only thing that's getting to you once the child is 18 you'll probably have much less to do with her.

If not, on paper, it's pretty easy to walk away. What are you hanging around for? You're still young go and make a life for yourself one in which you'll be happy!

nomoredramainmylife Wed 20-Jun-18 15:31:21

We do have children together and that is the biggest reason I have stuck by for so long. I know people say you shouldn’t always stay together because of kids but I’m just so scared of the upheaval it will cause them. We rent at the moment and not married, so not tied to a mortgage and not tied together financially luckily.
I love my partner but I’m not in love with him anymore, so I feel like there is no incentive to stay together on a romantic point of view. I guess I feel I can’t leave because I care about how it will affect him emotionally, financially and physically.
I’ve never put myself first and always gone out of my way for everyone else, but I just feel that enough is enough and I have to get my life back. Does that make sense?
I’m so unhappy and this relationship is destroying me slowly. It’s showing on my face too.

OP’s posts: |
moodance Wed 20-Jun-18 23:57:22

I am wondering if I can buy another house ...? I love my DH however his kids seriously depress me ... his exw plays serious mind games with the children ... I can't bear to be apart of it anymore... but I love my DH however I don't know if I can cope with the children or ex anymore 😢

If you feel like your relationship is dead ... move on ... be happy you have one life!

Swivelchairaccident83 Mon 09-Jul-18 17:21:49

I’m 8 years in and thinking of leaving. Why? Because I have a 25 year old SD who still lives at home full time with me and her Disney dad.
She says away from any responsibility, is filthy, unhygienic, steals/uses my belongings, still has friends round for dinner and board games after, pays very little rent, doesn’t contribute to housework OH I could carry on.
People say it will be over soon and they will leave when they come of age but don’t bet on it.
I feel I’ve wasted some of my best years in this shit situation.
I love my husband but I’ve lost all respect for him and it will continue to crumble until I grow some some balls and walk.
If I could give one piece of advice to people dating anyone with children it would be... RUN! Run for the bloody hills.

GrayDays Mon 09-Jul-18 23:00:53

I totally can relate and I’m now where as long as any of you!!! It’s the dp issues that really cause the issue! I’ve broken up with my oh and im still getting compare to his ex gf! Even though we have a child too, he hasn’t taken our break up well and his family and friends relate his up set to the ex gf! Like WTF?... it’s soul destroying.
Ex wifes can be terrible, my ex oh is a selfish nasty piece of work, calling up a few days after I give birth to ask him to give up pr, but you know what he did?... nothing again. I wouldn’t mind if I was the ow or some kind of bitch but I’m not. Plus I get on well with my exh and he’s hard work at times, but our focus is purely on the boys otherwise we don’t talk. And he would never let me come between him and his partner, he didn’t talk to me about introducing the ds to his new gf and I didn’t say anything as it’s not my place.
What makes it worse is my ex oh family and friends hate his ex but they love telling me how much he loves her etc, even though I’m the one he asked to marry and live with. They must know something I don’t. You have to have an amazing dp and be strong as hell to deal with it.
Good luck x


GrayDays Mon 09-Jul-18 23:03:29

Sorry had to rant.

BunnyCarr Wed 18-Jul-18 23:06:46

End it.
You're way too young for this shit.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in