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My daughter's stepmum

(19 Posts)
QueenB14 Fri 15-Jun-18 19:08:49

Thought I would add a positive post to this board as I know how it can get sometimes.

Can't really say much about this irl as a lot of people think it's weird but I really actually like and get on with my DD's new step mum. Her dad is a bit iffy and has messed us about a lot in the past but since his new partner came along things have improved so much. She has welcomed my daughter into her life with open arms without stepping on my toes, sends me lovely updates while she's with them and is just genuinely lovely!

Not quite sure why im posting but just to say...I know it isn't the easiest job in the world but you are appreciated and not every ex wife/ girlfriend is out to get you! Thank you for being there for these kids and being a positive role model when mum isn't around flowers

OP’s posts: |
NorthernSpirit Fri 15-Jun-18 19:55:45

Lovely refreshing post OP. Thanks 💐

laloup1 Fri 15-Jun-18 20:48:38

So nice to hear that harmony is possible. Thank you for sharing :-)

Bumblealong1 Sat 16-Jun-18 08:08:03

Great to hear.
Can I ask, what did she do that you made you feel positively towards her?
Or was it just what your DD told you about her?

pinkhorse Sat 16-Jun-18 08:15:33

I'm the same. My ds has the best stepmum he could ever ask for. She would do anything for him as would her parents/family. She makes him feel welcome, praises him, disciplines him, helps with childcare, looks out for activities he'd like, loves him.
I love her to bits.

susej Sat 16-Jun-18 08:22:41

My partners step mum and dad aren’t married anymore, in fact she just got remarried and invited us to the very small wedding abroad! We still see her regularly, and we have a child now but she refuses to be grandma, she’s fun aunt grin partners mum and ex step mum still go out for drinks! She played a huge part in raising him so he’ll always see her as part of the family.

Beamur Sat 16-Jun-18 11:27:27

That's good to hear.
I've always got on well with my SC's Mum, I think she appreciated that I took care of her kids, and in return, she's been very kind and welcoming of my DD too.

FannytheW0nderDog Sat 16-Jun-18 11:31:34

It's so good to hear that you value the step mum and see her as a good influence on your daughter. It's too easy to be bitter and jealous about your ex partner's new woman. Thank you for your positive post!

QueenB14 Sat 16-Jun-18 14:16:57

Nice to hear of other lovely relationships!

I don't know what she has done specifically. DDs dad is a bit rubbish in certain aspects but she definitely picks up the slack. To be clear, I really don't expect her to. I know she has her own life and kids etc but its just nice to know my DD is being "mothered" when im not there. Plus her communication with me is spot on, we get stuff sorted but there is a respectful distance and we're not pretending to be best friends. I think she's basically the co-parent I have always wanted ex to be. Like I say, I do not expect this of her but its nice she cares about my little one enough to do this anyway.

OP’s posts: |
greenlanes Sat 16-Jun-18 14:23:46

It sounds like you hit the nail on the head there - good communication and respect. How can anyone co-parent without that? And why cant the family courts understand that a dad who wants 50:50 but wont co-parent cannot be a good dad?

Well done to you though for being the other willing person to form a good relationship.

QueenB14 Sat 16-Jun-18 14:38:36

I completely agree. That is exactly how ex is. It was like we had two separate children at times, not one who needed consistency and a smooth transition between homes. I know I cant micromanage but even things like telling him when she last had medicine and when she needed her next dose he would take no notice. Now I feel more secure knowing that stuff is in hand.

OP’s posts: |
MyShinyWhiteTeeth Sat 16-Jun-18 14:53:41

I have the same but worry a bit.

My Ex is a dick. What if they split up? She is such a stabilising influence on him and is so good with my daughter.

I feel my daughter is safer when she is there to supervise. I like the fact she has a female around that can support her.

QueenB14 Sat 16-Jun-18 14:57:57

This has crossed my mind too, he's bound to fuck it up at some point. Plus she seems too nice to stay with such a selfish prick.

But selfishly perhaps, I do hope they last

OP’s posts: |
takeittakeit Sat 16-Jun-18 23:05:34

Oh God it makes such a difference. 4 yrs of SM hell, exclusions, emotional abuse and more that I really do not want to think about.

Now 18 months of new GF - would not yet call her SM - she is lovely, kind, caring, strict enough - we are on the same page, re - manners, technology, food etc. That might be helped by the fact that EXSM - she also has to deal with as they had a child is a complete and utter cow to her!

I hope she sticks around, I know my DCS are looked after and mothered but she is not their mother and they know it.

So less stressful

VikingBlonde Mon 18-Jun-18 12:01:40

OP thanks it helps to read that!! x

QueenB14 Mon 18-Jun-18 18:11:08

Takeit- I had a bad one before that too. She was the OW but despite that, I was nice enough and gave her a chance. She repaid me with abusive late night phone calls angry

OP’s posts: |
QueenB14 Mon 18-Jun-18 18:15:18

Viking- thanks, it is a tricky relationship to navigate (as shown on some of these threads) but it can be done smile

OP’s posts: |
2blueshoes Mon 18-Jun-18 18:51:36

What a nice post. It must be a weight off your shoulders too, knowing there is someone else who has got your daughters back.

😊

takeittakeit Mon 18-Jun-18 19:26:19

Queen - same here first was OW and boy was she insecure and nasty.

Current one we can keep!

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