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Moving in together

(64 Posts)
Rhibee1983 Wed 06-Jun-18 18:47:33

So I have been with my other half only a short while (4 months) and we are talking about moving in together in September 3 months time.
I have 2 children 11 and 4 and he has 3 children 9 (with severe autism) 7 (with behavioural problems) and 4. Now I live in a 3 bed that’s rented and the kids bedrooms are very small. We would be having his children every other weekend.

My questions are

1) space- where would everyone’s things go and the kids
2). The kids bedrooms are my kids bedrooms so I don’t want his to think that they are unwelcome but I also don’t want to disrupt my pair

OP’s posts: |
Afterthestorm Wed 06-Jun-18 18:50:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rhibee1983 Wed 06-Jun-18 18:51:52

I didn’t say we were going to move in straight away. I said that the earliest would be in 3 months time

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Berthatydfil Wed 06-Jun-18 18:52:35

Omg don’t do it.
You haven’t been together long enough.

flamingofridays Wed 06-Jun-18 18:53:00

Well 5 kids is a lot in a 3 bed house. How often will your partner's kids stay?

Bonelessbanquet Wed 06-Jun-18 18:53:36

7 months is such a short amount of time. There is no need what so ever.

HRTpatch Wed 06-Jun-18 18:53:40

So after 7 months you will be moving in together????

Rhibee1983 Wed 06-Jun-18 18:55:21

Can we not judge on the time scale please. We have been together 4 months we have known each other 16 years. My partners children would be every other weekend

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mimibunz Wed 06-Jun-18 18:56:21

Poor kids! Moving in together at 7 months with 5 children between you. It won’t end well, OP.

flamingofridays Wed 06-Jun-18 18:57:42

You're not going to be able to not disrupt your two really. Have you worked out who would share with who? Have you enough room for 3 beds in 1 room and bunks In the other?

bastardkitty Wed 06-Jun-18 18:59:01

You might be comfortable with the timescale but it's not fair on any of the children. You really can't blend two families with 5 kids (3 of whom have additional needs) in a 3 bedroom house.

Rhibee1983 Wed 06-Jun-18 19:00:14

No the bedrooms are small, my ds bedroom literally has enough room for a bed my dd has enough room for a bunk bed. When they stop over at the moment the 2 four year olds share a bed. The 2 girls share a bedroom and the 9yr old has an air bed on the floor. Not ideal

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fuzzyfozzy Wed 06-Jun-18 19:00:33

I think even if it wasn't a blended family, those ages of children with Sen thrown in, in 2 bedrooms sounds like a lot of hard work. Then you add in that your children will feel invaded and disrupted eow.

flamingofridays Wed 06-Jun-18 19:00:56

So have you actually thought about this at all?

Rhibee1983 Wed 06-Jun-18 19:01:34

I have had lengthy discussions with my 11 year old about it and she is absolutely on board. The only solution would be to have his children when mine at their dads. 2 have additional needs not 3

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Rhibee1983 Wed 06-Jun-18 19:02:53

It’s just at the discussion stage at the moment to see how and if things could work out

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Singlenotsingle Wed 06-Jun-18 19:06:18

If you're talking about moving in together, it just isn't practical in this house. You've got 2 small bedrooms for 5 kids ffs! You need to rethink this, and take a bit of time to find somewhere bigger and more suitable; with shared expenses. I've said this before, but there are a lot of men out there without a home of their own, and only too keen to move in with a woman who HAS got somewhere. Then they get resentful because it's hers, not his.

Rhibee1983 Wed 06-Jun-18 19:08:19

We can not afford to get a bigger place, any 4/5 bed round by me is more than double than what I pay now.

It may just be a case of keeping as is for now and look again in the future

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TwitterQueen1 Wed 06-Jun-18 19:11:21

Moving in would be a sure-fire way to screw up the relationship and cause huge distress to all children involved. You cannot do this - there is not enough space, the DCs don't know each other, you've been together for such a short time.

Please prioritise your children and give them a loving, safe, secure, stress-free home on their own that's what caring parents do.

Rhibee1983 Wed 06-Jun-18 19:14:21

They do know each other they have done all of their lives.

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donajimena Wed 06-Jun-18 19:15:42

I've been with my OH over 3 years and we decided against living together until the youngest leaves school. Its too complicated, not fair on the children and our parenting styles are different. We are committed and very much a team.
Just hang fire for a bit.

TwitterQueen1 Wed 06-Jun-18 19:19:11

And you seriously think this arrangement would be fair on the DCs with severe autism and behavioural difficulties? Put your libido second on your list of what's important and your DCs first.

WoodenCat Wed 06-Jun-18 19:19:48

Putting aside the very short timescale, why is it about what you can afford? What does he pay now? If you pool resources can’t you rent somewhere larger?

WoodenCat Wed 06-Jun-18 19:21:13

Also, don’t discuss this with an 11yo when you’re only at an early stage of working things out with your bf. Totally unfair to put these decisions onto a child’s head.

Rhibee1983 Wed 06-Jun-18 19:23:12

Any need? My libido has naff all to do with this thanks. The child with severe autism is the easiest child to look after out of the 5 and adjusts to surrounding extremely well.

The whole idea was floated by oh and he certainly does prioritise his children over anything else as well he should.

All I am saying is that it is at the discussion stage at the moment and constructive comments are appreciated.

OP’s posts: |

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