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Help needed in how to cope on a Holiday with selfish step kids and my own 8 month year year old!(16 Posts)
I’m going on a weeks holiday whilst 5 months pregnant with my son and my partner and his 2 kids from his previous marriage. They are teenagers and I can’t cope with them.
How to cope!?
What are they doing that’s so selfish? Just normal teenage behaviour? It’s not their fault you decided to take a holiday with a baby while pregnant. Just that is a ridiculous idea and now these kids have to deal with moody, hormonal step mum while they’re supposed to be having fun.
I’d just pull out and let them have a nice holiday with their dad. Nothing good will come of putting everyone through this. The baby will hate it, you will hate it. Why bother?
Unless it’s somewhere totally calm with self-catering and you can just send dad and the kids out every day. Just don’t tag along and complain about everything.
Well you haven't said why you can't cope with them. If it's solely because you're pregnant then that probably means you're annoying them more than they're annoying you.
If it's not too late, try to set the holiday up to give them a bit of freedom. We have teens and they love being allowed to lie in, hanging out round a hotel pool, deciding for themselves when to eat and exploring round the local town. Give them a bit of spending money to buy themselves drinks or ice creams. Your DP will likely want to spend some of the time doing things with them, but if you can avoid a set-up where they're in your company for every minute of the day you'll have happier teens and a less stressed you.
Maybe suggest one day when your DP takes them off doing something that the baby can't do (or you don't fancy), and you have some time to yourself too?
And give them some chill-out time too- to be on their phones, etc whilst the two of you have a nice meal or something together.
I really don’t think you should stay in a relationship with someone if you dislike their children , let all alone have a baby with them!
What is it the children do that is so awful?
And yes, I expect the best solution is that you pull out of the holiday so they can have fun with their dad
Step mums get some nasty treatment on her. IMO nothing has yet been said to indicate OP is evil stepmum just she finds it difficult to cope with teens. I struggle with my 7yo teen like behaviour. How am i going to cope with actual teen behaviour!
Can you try a family meeting up front OP? Make it clear that everyone needs to have a share of fun. It isnt going to all be you dragging them on family meals but equally you cant spend all the time doing what they want. See what they do want and agree to accomodate that if you get uncomplaining accompanyment on activity of your choice.
Also talk to dh. See if you can get a commitment up front from him to split his time more equally between you/ds and tge teens.
Chat to your DH in advance and tell him you are feeling moody and hormonal and ask for him to maybe take the three of them out for a couple of the days you're away so you can rest.
Unless it's illegal or dangerous, let the teens do what they want. It's their holiday too, so let them lounge in PJs on screens all day if they like but plan a couple of outings with them.
If they are rude and moody or thoughtless (walk away from table without clearing up) ignore. Don't ever get angry. It really is just teenage brain. Just ask them to give you a hand for two minutes. Always put a time scale on help, and make sure it doesn;t exceed five minutes as even teens aren't usually too moody to do something for five mins.
Try and find things to laugh about together.
Teenagers are selfish, it's a well known facts. Except yours to be as selfish when they reach that age.
How do you cope? First a start, put a smile on your face. You're on holiday, it is supposed to be a nice time, otherwise, why are you bothering to go at all. Try to be positive, rather than set your mind to look for things to moan about to justify how you feel about them.
Then just let your OH deal with any issues. They can go and do things, use the time to rest and relax.
There isn't a whole lot in the OP to go on.
oh op, the pitchforks are out with all their assumptions! How dare you go on holiday with your own family because your partner had children before you!!
Op didn't say one wrong thing. Yes teens are selfish but it's fair to not have to bend to that forever purely because of dna. Op should not go on holiday to accommodate their hormones, but get slated for having her own. Got it
Op being a step with teens is hard. You can only try and make the best of it. That's assuming there's any problems, they may surprise you
Kinda need to know what their behaviour is like to give advice on how to cope/manage OP.
Teenagers are awful, when they are stepchildren and teenagers it's even worse. Give them their freedom and some money and they'll entertain themselves (hopefully). They may make friends whilst out there. Concentrate on yourself and your babies, try to manage it and take one day at a time. I could not take my step kids in holiday, it would Kill me so you have my sympathies x
You need to be more specific about how or why you can't cope.
If they're that bad then you should pull out of the holiday.
You're going on holiday with an 8 month old, while also being 5 months pregnant? I can't really see how that's going to be enjoyable even without the stepkids, unless your partner is going to be very much involved with looking after the baby.
It just sounds stressful.
I’m a step parent. I think if Op doesn’t want to go on holiday with her step kids then she should step away and let dad take them. I wouldn’t stay a relationship with someone (let alone have a baby with them) if I actively disliked their children, it’s not fair on anyone.